Aging White Voters Still Mad at Black Man Who Fixed Economy

The Daily Edge Liberal Bias White Voters Still Angry

Republicans rode a wave of aging white male rage to reclaim the Senate, increase their leadership in the House, and win key Gubernatorial races this Tuesday. Turnout among 60+ voters soared to 37% of the total (up from 25% in 2012 and 32% in the last midterms in 2010).

79- year-old Charlie Koch and his kid brother Dave were particularly happy with the results, explaining that they were just really, really mad at the way they had created more wealth for themselves under America’s first black President than they had under all white Presidents combined. “We almost got wiped out in the Bush crash of 2008,” said Charlie, “but under the socialist tyrant Hussein Obama our wealth has recently soared to over $100 billion.  Now he has the audacity to suggest we should pay a little more in taxes to maybe repair the roads and bridges our trucks have been using.”

The Kochs spent over $290 million of their barely taxed profits to help defeat Obama. Younger brother Dave said he was particularly offended by Obama’s call for a small increase to the minimum wage and his suggestion that Americans should be slightly nicer to women, seniors, students, gays, blacks, Latinos, working families, veterans, the long-term unemployed and others less fortunate than the highly successful Koch boys. “Fuck that shit,” he said.

With millennials, still exhausted from September’s massive climate march, largely sitting out this year’s election, it was up to voters like 68-year-old Bill Mulberry, Jr. of Huntersville, North Carolina, to decide what policies America would pursue to save the planet. Unfortunately for the planet, Mulberry thinks climate change is a hoax. He also described the fact Obama has created 10.5 million private sector jobs in a record 56-month stretch as “just your opinion.”

With gas prices below $3 a gallon and total American wealth now at the highest level in history, aging white voters said they still yearned for “the good old days,” when America was waging two wars and losing 800,000 jobs a month under a folksy white President.

With Ted Cruz now running both the House and Senate and John McCain set to head the Senate Armed Services Committee, experts say those “glory” days may be returning sooner than anyone who sat out Tuesday’s election may imagine.

Ep 10: Superman will eventually have assless red underwear, because LIBERALS.

Marvel Comics is changing things, and conservatives like Zach Heltzel don’t like change! Zach talks about female Thor, black Captain America, and what we can expect next from Marvel. With liberals so anxious to have every PET GROUP of theirs represented, will we see a gay (or: “even MORE GAY”) Superman? Will the Hulk become a little person? Will Iron Man wear an outfit made of Hemp?

Conservatives everywhere know that this is all part of the War On Straight White Men. On a daily basis, conservatives can tune into their favorite radio and television stations and hear their favorite personalities complain that the straight white man is under attack. He’s being discriminated against. And now, he’s even being told that he’s not good enough to be a superhero.

Zach makes some dire predictions about the future of Comic Books, including assless red underwear:

After the main credits, Zach Heltzel also treats you to his solution to the problem of liberals POISONING our traditional heroes with minority traits: just create a MINORITY PERSON Superhero! Minority Person will be a short, left-handed, Inuit, transgender redhead in a wheel-chair, with Tourettes! ….and a minor nut allergy.


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Ep 4: There is no such thing as white privilege: every argument ever made

What is “white privilege”, really? In this PSA, Zach Heltzel shares every single argument any white person ever made for why there is NO SUCH THING as “white privilege”.

In only two and a half minutes, Zach covers such topics as: 1) white people don’t FEEL privileged, and sometimes feel sad. 2) Life is hard on everyone, which is just too bad. 3) Reverse racism and the fact that there are some things black people can do that white people cannot. And finally, 4) When you tell white people that they have white privilege, well that’s just so darn mean.

So take this journey with Zach Heltzel and learn from this really, really REALLY white guy the reason that “white privilege” is a myth.

Does this video leave out any of the really, really good arguments that YOU have heard about why “white privilege” just doesn’t exist? Share it with us in the comments below!

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10 best signs I saw at the White Man March

White Man March: MT GOX stole my bitcoins

If you are a white Christian, you may have noticed that you are living in constant fear as your rights are being stripped from you by gays, atheists, and racial minorities who seek to discriminate against you.

Really pathetic white people
This sign is not satire and was not created for comedy purposes. This is an actual sign made by some very angry white people.

This is why American patriot Kyle Hunt organized the White Man March, “an international day for independent pro-White activism,” which took place around the country on Saturday, March 15, 2014.

According to some reports, this world-wide event drew as many as tens of people.

One of the cities where the White Man March occurred was Tempe, Arizona, just a short drive away from where I live. Like any good liberty loving freedom fighter, I attended the event to see what all the fuss was about.

If you could not attend your local White Man March, I made sure to take a lot of pictures. Unsurprisingly, most of the attendees would not give me permission to take their picture because the NSA is out to get them. Otherwise, I would show you my favorite sign of the event, which said “There are too many women in comedy!”

….but these ten signs are almost as good:

White Man March sign: monkeys are brown
Monkeys are brown. White people are not brown. It’s just logic.
White Man March Sign: white people freed the slaves
White people freed the slaves. Therefore, all white people are not racist. QED.


White man march signs: if you call me a bigot then you are a bigot
I know you are but what am I. One of the most respected philosophical arguments of all time.
White Man March: I dont get Kevin Hart
Who does? Not white people, that’s for sure.


White man march sign: minority hair is thick and yucky
Equal rights is an abstract concept.


White man march sign: Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles
It’s not racism if you can point to a celebrity you don’t like.


White Man March sign: white men can jump
Can you think of ANYTHING MORE HURTFUL than this anti-white stereotype? I didn’t think so.


White Man March: Trayvon Martin smoked pot so could not have been murdered
Double threat.


White Man March: women get to have sex whenever they want how is that fair?
You may have noticed that some protesters have a difficult time keeping on-topic at protests. It’s a white person thing.


White Man March: MT GOX stole my bitcoins
Almost exclusively a white male problem.

Have you seen good #WhiteManMarchProtestSigns?  Let us know on Twitter and we may mention them here:



6 famous people who must have been white because they were so awesome

By now everyone has heard that Megyn Kelly said that Santa Claus, the 100% real North Pole resident that delivers gifts to kids around the world while undermining free market capitalism, is white. She then went on to add that Jesus Christ, the son of God, was also white.

This outraged a bunch of liberals,who claim that she is “wrong”… at least, about Jesus. But she was really just speaking the obvious and intuitive truth that all good conservatives know in their hearts and in their guts: all of the important people in history were white. It’s what we’ve been taught, and it’s just plain old obvious.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

1. Cleopatra

Cleopatra, best known for being the last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, remains a popular Western figure because as my cousin who lives in West Hollywood would say, she is “totes fab.”

And a few years ago, rumors circulated that homewrecker Angelina Jolie, who famously stole Brad Pitt away from America’s Sweetheart Jennifer Aniston, was going to play the role of Cleopatra. Now, why would Jennifer Aniston be playing someone who wasn’t white? That just doesn’t make sense.

2. Hannibal the Conquerer

If you Bing the words “Hannibal + black,” you will find lots of hilarious claims that Hannibal was black, when really he was Phoenician. I learned this in a history class in high school. I’m not really sure what “Phonecian” is, but it definitely isn’t “black”, because if it did mean “black” I’m sure my high school teacher would have mentioned that.

Anyway, I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, therefore I am also Phoenician, and I am white.

3. Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan was the head of the Mongol Empire for two decades in the thirteenth century. But did you know that Genghis Khan’s ancestry is actually from Turkey? Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean he was white, but in the 1956 film The Conqueror, Genghis Khan was portrayed by none other than John Wayne. He is just about the whitest actor who ever lived. Obviously, the good conservatives who cast him in this part must have known Genhis Khan was also white.

Genghis Kahn was white with blue eyes.

4. Frederick Douglass

Frederick Douglass was undoubtedly an accomplished man, and a key influence on why there is a Black History Month and only 11 White History Months. He was instrumental in not only ending slavery but also supporting women’s suffrage, and was the first African American nominated for Vice President of the United States.

Except… his father was white and his mother was black! And while he inherited the skin color of his mother, well, any good conservative and Tea Party American knows that it just must have been his white half that accomplished all those awesome things.

Mr. Peanut

5. Booker T. Washington

PBS says that Booker T. Washington was the most famous black man in America between 1895 and 1915. But like Douglass, his father was white. Plus, his mother was also half-white. On top of that, Booker T. Washington’s crowning achievement was discovering literally hundreds of uses for the peanut.

Now, just speaking culturally, and that’s what matters in these things, peanuts are… I mean, it doesn’t get any more white than that. Look at Mr. Peanut. Has there ever been a more clear image of whiteness?

6. Michael Jackson

In America, everything is about looks. And if you look white, you’re white. And not only did Michael Jackson look white, but Captain EO was just the bomb dot com. Something that cool is clearly an indication of whiteness.

Look, the logic here isn’t always consistent. But good conservatives, like Megyn Kelly, have always trusted instincts and guts more than logic and consistency.

So, in the end, it works like this. If you don’t look white, you can still be white as long as your father was white or you did something really cool in history so that white people look up to you and kick-ass white actors like John Wayne want to play you in a movie.

And that is why Megyn Kelly knows, in her heart, that all the AWESOME people have always been white.



Post Script: Of course by these standards, Barack Hussein Obama is NOT white, even though he was birthed by a white person and raised by white grandparents. He would be white if he had accomplished anything a good solid conservative would want to take credit for… but reforming a broken healthcare system, ending two wars, and striking a nuclear arms treaty with Russia? For shame. Any conservative will tell you, that’s not what a real white person would do.