The GOP can #BreakTheInternet, too!

Today’s letter is about the Democrat War on Women… But I think this time my response might surprise you!

As a Republican and a Christian, of course I love the ladies. The dames. The skirts. All of them. They’re just so nifty!

But Democrats are reviving the “War on Women” strategy, trying to convince the world that somehow Christians and Republicans don’t respect women! This year they’ve got Hillary Clinton running for president and now Elizabeth Warren (the wild Senator you probably know for blaming Wall Street and corporations for our economic calamity) is the Strategic Policy Adviser to the Democratic Policy and Communications Committee. It’s somehow creating the false impression that our party focuses just on men!

How can we fight this loosing battle? How can we prove that Republicans love the ladies?

Yours truly,

Dearest Marvin,

Well, just the other day I came across something that inspired me. I think if we are going to prove to the world that we support women’s rights and gender equality, the best thing we can do is use a female-oriented viral marketing campaign…. like KIM KARDASHIAN!

Ever since it was featured in Winter’s 2014 issue of Paper, Kim’s de derrière has popped up everywhere, trending on just about every social media website possible… I mean, these days the kids are calling it “viral media” and whatnot, but I say: she really has mastered the art of evangelism!

And yes it’s absolutely evangelism, because in April she tweeted: : “RT ‪@Women_Of_Christ: Jesus is my top priority.” If we plan on winning the souls of this country for Jesus Christ we’ve got to follow in the footsteps of Evangelist Kim Kardashian!

Recent polling shows that a majority of American women still don’t think our GOP understands their problems, they think that because Texas Sen. Jodie Laubenberg once said, “In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out,” that we now hate women! But that’s absurd! Launbenberg was just being Biblical:

And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood… she shall be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean (Leviticus 15:19-30).

Some women don’t understand that when Rep. Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake) said his father had warned him that “some girls rape easy,” that he too, was just trying to be Biblical. After all, why do you think the Proverbs 11:22 warns us: “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

Now I know some good, conservative Christians think that using scantily-clad pictures of Kim Kardashian might be a bit… unseemly. I know you are thinking: “Shouldn’t we leave the exploitation and sexualization of female pop stars to the heathen sinful liberals?”

Normally I would say “yes.” But times are tough. Democrats are winning the culture wars with this “War On Women” rhetoric. We have to prove to the world that we love women. We have to prove to the world that we respect women. We have to prove to the world that we take women just as seriously as we take men.

And what better way to do that than to use one of them to help promote our politics?  So please spread these around the internet today, in the name of Jesus and the Republican party!