Scott Walker protects Wisconsin from the biggest threat: Voters

Scott Walker knows that the best way to prevent ALL voter fraud is just to prevent voting

Poor Scott Walker. He gets such a bum rap. People keep acting like he’s a criminal and making listicles about the horrible things he’s done to workers, women, and low-income families. It’s not his fault Wisconsin’s in a ditch. Don’t blame him for being the guy with the shovel!

Sure, it might look bad that Wisconsin’s dead last in Midwest job creation, but that’s just because things take longer in Wisconsin than in other states. You just wait and see. If Mary Burke wins in November and her jobs plan succeeds,  it’ll only be because of the digging Scott Walker did to lay the foundation.

Besides, we can look past that because Scott Walker has definitely achieved one thing: He has rid Wisconsin from the scourge of voter fraud!!

He’s drained the swamp. OK, he only found one guy in the swamp, and that guy was a Republican…. but still, that counts, right? Besides, an outright epidemic of voter fraud could have broken out at any time in Wisconsin… so Scott Walker has taken pre-emptive steps.


Think of all the problems the Democrats are inviting in other states by expanding access to voting, making it easier to vote by mail, or vote early or on Sunday…. Horrible!

The population in Wisconsin is far too… you know… polite, civil and inclusive… to want all of that extra voting going on. But luckily, Scott Walker and Republican-appointed judges are on it, and ready to prevent voting before it ever happens!

Oops, I mean “prevent voter fraud before it happens”.

Bravo, Scott Walker! Bravo!

Justice Roberts: why you don’t need a spam filter, and other deep thoughts

Justice Roberts reflects on racism and the voting rights act

Justice Roberts reflects on racism and the voting rights act

Chief Justice Roberts displayed incredible logic in his decision striking down section 4 of the Voting Rights Act. It’s so brilliant, we just wanted to pointed out some of the other ways that the same logic could be applied.

First, the court’s decision, written by Roberts, can be seen in full; however, the gist of the argument is this:

Section 4 of the act identified just a few states and counties required to pre-clear their changes to voting procedures, in order to ensure that they did not disenfranchise minority voters. The areas identified were those where Congress found “evidence of actual voting discrimination,” and the covered jurisdictions shared two characteristics: “the use of tests and devices for voter registration, and a voting rate in the 1964 presidential election at least 12 points below the national average.”

Quoting from Page 3 of the court document: “Nearly 50 years later, things have changed dramatically. Largely because of the Voting Rights Act [emphasis added], voter turnout and registration rates in covered jurisdictions now approach parity. Blatantly discriminatory evasions of federal decrees are rare. And minority candidates hold office at unprecedented levels.”

Roberts, backed by a majority of the court, concludes that because the conditions that lead to the act are no longer true, the act is no longer needed.

Impeccable logic!

There is a rumor that, during afternoon cocktail parties, Roberts was also willing to go on and give advice on other topics. For example…


“I used to get tons of spam email. So, several years ago, I installed a spam filter. Ever since then, I haven’t received any spam emails! Obviously, because the conditions that lead to me installing the spam filter are no longer true, I don’t need that spam filter any more!”


“Several years ago, I realized I was a fat slob. So, I started eating right and exercising. I lost some weight, and now I feel much healthier. Obviously, because the conditions that lead to me exercising and eating right are no longer true, I don’t need to eat right or exercise any more!”

Sex and Romance:

“My wife used to complain that I was selfish and terrible in bed. So, grudgingly, I tried paying attention to her, instead of just on satisfying myself. Now, my wife is much happier! PROBLEM SOLVED! Obviously, since the problems and complaints that lead to me caring about my wife are no longer the case, well… I obviously don’t need to pay any attention to that nonsense anymore!”


Thank you for your great font of wisdom, Justice Roberts. Bravo.