If anyone has demonstrated wisdom and experience with foreign policy, it’s Sarah Palin. If you don’t believe it, check out this all new video of what a real conversation between Sarah Palin and Putin would probably go like…. if it ever happened.
Make sure to watch the video, and “like” it on Youtube if you find it worthy! Also follow The Lipstick Liberal Show for more parodies like this!
The CPAC straw poll has never been about choosing the next President of the United States; it’s about choosing the next Conservative Savior. And who can blame them? We are talking about a conference of patriots who know that the Constitution is really Scripture and that God would really want limitations on freedom, as long as those limitations come from the Bible.
Only two conservatives have ever truly passed the litmus test of being a perfect American patriot, and they are Jesus Christ and Ronald Reagan.
This year, Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky won the Presidential straw poll for the second year in a row. I do not think anybody will fault me for being skeptical that Rand Paul is the hero conservatism needs right now.
Apparently, I am not alone, as the conservative on the tip of everyone’s tongue right now is not Paul, but somebody else entirely. Who? Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia.
While Barack Hussein Obama and his cronies in the State Department are treating Putin as a negative force in the world due to threats of invading Ukraine and persecution of homosexuals in Russia, great American conservatives are over the moon about him.
“Putin decides what he wants to do, and he does it in half a day, right? Now that’s a leader.” —former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani
“Putin is running circles around the United States. He is playing chess while we’re playing marbles.”—Rep. Mike Rogers (R-Michigan)
“[Putin is a] lion of Christianity” (for treating gays like gays instead of like people) —Bryan Fisher of the American Family Association
Real conservatives like these profoundly believe in American exceptionalism, so if they say Putin is outclassing our government officials, it can only mean one thing. Even though Vladimir Putin is not American per se, he must be American because apparently he is so much better than we are. That’s how it works.
Apparently, the majority of real conservatives agree. In a poll from The Daily Caller, 52% of respondents say Vladimir Putin would make a better US president than Barack Obama.
Unlike President Obama, who cannot push through legislation because he refuses to do what conservatives want, Vladimir Putin would be able to do things much faster since he would not have to worry about pesky little issues like “public opinion” or “debate” or “data.”
Or “government by the people.”
Real Americans don’t want that namby-pamby stuff. They want a President who does whatever he wants, as long as what he wants is conservative. That’s a realconservative savior.
So remember, the next time somebody tells you that “we will never find another Ronald Reagan,” tell them that he has already arrived on the scene. He drills for oil, wrestles bears, and does not under any circumstances wear Mom jeans. He’s the perfect conservative that even Ronald Reagan would have loved.
With all of this excitement, and conservative hearts fluttering like they haven’t since 1980, there’s really just one more question we need to ask: Since Putin is so strong and powerful and manly and American, shouldn’t we just go ahead and adopt that Russian Constitution here in the United States, as well?
It seems like it would be the True Conservative thing to do!!
Conservatives are all applauding Vladimir Putin for being such a strong leader, and for being so very very very anti-gay. What an awesome guy. Yet there is something a little off about his anti-gayness.
If you take a close look at all of the very manly things that Putin does to prove how masculine and not-gay he is, they all look a little…. well, gay. As an objective and fair-and-balanced reporting outlet, we here at LiberalBias.com have to ask the question:
Is Vladimir Putin subconsciously copying the poses of his favorite gay porn stars?
For example, here we see Vladimir Putin riding a horse shirtless, and a gay porn star riding a horse shirtless, just for a visual comparison:
And also carrying a gun:
And also fishing, although it should be noted that there were not any completelyshirtless pictures of the gay porn star holding the fishing rod, presumably because he was smart enough to put the fishing rod down before taking off his shirt:
Now, there is ONE SHIRTLESS PICTURE of Putin for which we were unable to find a corresponding gay porn star picture. And that is this picture of Putin gasping for air while doing the butterfly stroke:
Of course, we were able to find plenty of pictures of gay porn stars in the water. But they never seem to actually be… well, swimming.
There are pictures of gay porn stars jumping into the water:
There are pictures of gay porn stars playing with balls in the water. (Duh).
And there are even pictures of gay porn stars playing with a cute puppy in the water:
But somehow, there are no pictures of gay porn stars gasping for air while doing a serious butterfly stroke, to match Putin’s infamous swimming picture.
So maybe that is why we can all sleep safely at night, and feel completely assured that Vladimir Putin, conservative hero, is notsecretly mimicking the poses of all of his favorite gay porn stars, after all.
[POST SCRIPT: If you can find any pictures of Vladimir Putin and gay porn stars in exactly the same pose as one another, please email them to PutinPorn@LiberalBias.com and we will feature them in a later update. Thank you.]