The definition of liberal bias

In light of recent news, we have decided it is time to take a step back and address the core political issue of our time: what is the definition of liberal bias?

This question has been thrust into the spotlight by last week’s big news story: Zero conservatives selected to deliver 2013 commencement speeches at Ivy Leagues. This, of course, was the most important news event of last week. Moreover, the liberal bias in Ivy League universities provides a perfect case study to examine the bigger picture: the meaning of “liberal bias” in general.

What is a liberal?

First, it is important to define the term “liberal”. For this, we can look at the study of commencement speakers at top Universities done by the Young America’s Foundation (YAF). Of course, in this situation “study” means: they made a list of schools and commencement speakers, and then labelled each speaker as either liberal or conservative based on their own personal opinions.

It is these opinions that we can examine to discover the meaning of the word “liberal”.

Commencement Speaker Ideological Tilts
(click to enlarge)

For example:

Oprah Winfrey, Cory Booker, and Drew Houston are all labelled as “liberal” because they supported Barack Obama for President, and everyone knows that nobody who is moderate or independent has ever supported Barack Obama.

Mayor Bloomberg (party: Independent) is “liberal” because he is “socially liberal”, and everyone knows that the “we should give up the culture war nonsense and focus on taxes and deficits” schtick was, like, so three-years-ago.

Melinda Gates is “liberal”, according to this document, because of “contraceptives”.  The document is not clear as to whether using contraceptives makes one liberal, or believing in contraceptives makes one liberal, or what.  But either way, Melinda Gates is a liberal contraceptive type of gal.

Geoffrey Canada is “liberal” because he likes education, or possibly because he is socially active about liking education. Once again, the document is not totally clear.

So in conclusion: what does it mean to be a liberal?

It means you either support Barack Obama, or you support contraceptives, or you support education.  Especially, one can only assume, if you are socially active about it.


What does this tell us about liberal bias??

Now we know what it means to be liberal. What does it mean to have liberal bias?

Let’s take a look at the very objective and unbiased Fox43 article on the topic, posted last week. In that article, they say this: “YAF spokesman Adam Tragone told Campus Reform on Tuesday the list appears to reveal a larger trend of liberal bias occurring on these campuses.”

From there, they proceed to identify, point by point, several very concrete items of evidence that clearly demonstrate the larger trend of liberal bias:

1) “With all these sex talks at Yale, it seems like conservative values on these campuses are non-existent.”

Talking about sex is an inherent demonstration of liberal bias.  Obviously, if you want your institution of education to be politically unbiased, it must never talk about sex.

2) “96 percent of the faculty and staff at Ivy League schools who contributed to the 2012 presidential race donated to President Obama’s campaign.”

If too many people at a university donate to Barack Obama, then it is a sign that the university itself has liberal bias. Of course, there isn’t any actual evidence that personal financial donations influence the tenor of education at a university, but it feels like it should, doesn’t it?

3) “Of the top 100 universities listed by U.S. News and World Report, 62 chose to select liberal individuals to deliver commencement speeches, compared to 17 conservatives.”

62 is a lot bigger than 17, and that’s just not fair.  Of course, we’re not entirely certain how many conservatives were asked to be speakers at universities, or how many conservatives even wanted to be speakers at these universities. But that’s besides the point.  62 versus 17! Obviously there has to be some kind of bias in there somewhere.


Conclusion: How to be unbiased?

The only way to be totally unbiased is for everything to be 50-50. That’s just objective, mathematical fact.

In order to avoid being liberally biased, a university needs to make sure that it hires exactly 50% faculty who donate to liberal candidates and 50% faculty who donate to conservative candidates.  If it happens that the very best scientists and mathematicians in the world tend to donate to a liberal candidate, then that university should be obligated to hire second-rate mathematicians and scientists in order to fill their quota of conservative faculty members. (I know, that sounds a bit like affirmative action for conservatives; however, you know: shut up.)

In order to avoid being liberally biased, every time a University has a lecture on evolution, they must also have a lecture on creationism.  Every time they have a lecture on how sexism is bad, they must also have a lecture on how sexism is awesome. Every time they have a lecture on linear algebra, they must also have a lecture on how numbers can be whatever God wants them to be and therefore there is no point in learning math.

That’s just fair.

Until that happens, news stories like the one yesterday will always be able to be propped up as “evidence” of liberal bias!!!!


Related Article:   Poll Sampling has Liberal Bias!


Undercover as a college Democrat

Young Democrats Meeting

I went undercover as a college Democrat to see first-hand what goes on in these liberal indoctrination camps, or “universities”. It was a traumatic experience that could have changed me forever.

Last September, the editor of contacted me about this assignment. My task was to pretend to be a liberal college student, so that I could pursue a dangerous information-gathering mission: understanding what really goes on in the mind of today’s young progressive.

It was a frightening assignment, but not insurmountable. I admit that at the beginning, I did not understand the mindset of the liberals, who seem to think a normal person would want to do sex things with a butt, which is almost as baffling as the idea that “economics” is some kind of “science” like the “theory” of  “evolution” or “outer space”.

That said, I had faith in my ability to blend in; after all, God cursed me and my family by giving me the ability to tan, a trait not shared by His white middle-eastern son.

My first step was to infiltrate the Young Democrats, a corrupt syndicate of students known for rabble-rousing in the local community, spreading the lies they learn at the state-funded re-education camp they call a school. When I went to their first meeting on the first Friday of October, there were mere weeks left in the 2012 campaign.

The school, which will not be named lest Dictator Obama use it as an excuse to strike me down like Janet Reno did to God’s heroes in Waco, is located in Arizona’s most competitive legislative district on both a local and national level. Even the state and county-wide races were close.  Jeff Flake vs. Richard Carmona for Senate and Joe Arpaio (♥) vs. Paul Penzone for Maricopa County Sheriff, were especially tight, although the state came to its senses and shut down Obama’s army of pinko-commie fascists.

But anyway, I digress.

Young Democrats Meeting
A typical meeting of the Young Democrats student club (artist's representation)

Every Friday the meetings would start the same way. These hoodlums would gather in a science building on the south side of campus. Names of famous liberals, such as Charles Darwin, Galileo Galilei, and Bill Nye the Science Guy, were carved into the building, making it the perfect place for enemies of freedom to congregate.

The President of the club, who from now on I will refer to as Dora the Explorer (she’s one of those Mexicans), would stand in front of the room and conduct the meeting like an informal hippie courtroom. Every member of the club would introduce themselves, stating their name and major, as well as an answer to a silly question, typically stolen straight from the pit of Hell, commonly referred to as Reddit.

After everybody shared laughs about which Fox News host they’d want most to see do a belly-flop, members of the club would make outside announcements about various political action/terrorist organizations they were shilling for. Planned Parenthood, GLSEN, Human Rights Campaign, Urban Outfitters, some really nasty work.

Dora would then make announcements of her own, either about activities that sounded like they were pulled from a church bulletin (by that, I mean they were AWESOME!!!!!!) or about canvassing and phone banking events that all members would be guilt-tripped into participating in at least twice that month.

For those who are not aware, canvassing and phone banking are methods of getting the word out to voters about candidates and where to vote. Canvassing is the act of knocking door to door with flyers, talking to registered voters whose names and addresses are provided on lists. Phone banking is the same concept, but applied to landline telephones. I had no idea what most of the liberals around me were talking about when they said that “people don’t use landlines anymore.” That’s ridiculous. What else would they use? Walkie talkies?

I went to every volunteer event, making sure I was as annoying as I could be to these lousy liberal voters. This was not easy; the more insincere and off-putting I was, the more they were willing to engage with me. I didn’t understand.

Other than President Dora and myself, there was only one other person who participated in every canvass and phone banking session. His nickname, and I’m not kidding, was Boots. I was hanging out with Dora and Boots.

Despite my absolute loathing of these two, I couldn’t help but feel like I was living somebody else’s dream. Of course, in my teen years I preferred the far less ethnic Playhouse Disney to Nick Jr., but I understood the appeal of Dora the Explorer, and I never quite understood why. Now, I finally figured it out. Boots was a conservative! He was secretly the President of the school’s Libertarian club, gathering information to use against the Democrats. I became his Karl Rove and he became my Lee Atwater. It was magical. I’ll never forget my first ti…

Whoops, I went off track again. Probably has something to do with those “juice boxes” that some freshman served me during a game of ping pong ball.

Anyway, the main event at Young Democrats meetings would be when members would air out their grievances with Republicans, naming conservatives that did “bad” things this week.

Common mentions included Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney, Rand Paul, and other defenders of freedom who have never done anything wrong and are beloved by everybody who uses the brain in their heart. After being catty, they would point their thumbs at the projector in the room and scream “Boo!”

Despite all that, I found that these college students were, dare I say, not too different from myself. I was even surprised to find that most of them were God-fearing Christians like myself, and were actively involved in their Church.

Some of them were even pro-life, which did not make sense to me. If they were liberals who didn’t want to kill baby Jesus, then what made them liberals at all?

I began to be very confused. When I began this journey, I didn’t understand why liberals thought the way they do. After two months of role-playing as a Young Democrat, I realized that I don’t even know what liberals think!

Are they liberal because they are ethnic? Are they liberal because they care about poor people? Are they liberal because they love sodomy? There seemed to be no one right answer. It’s almost as if liberals are not a homogenized group!

This, I must say, was the most frightening discovery of all–and it also could have been the seed of my undoing. I began to believe that liberals are all complex, unique individuals with a wide variety of beliefs and desires.

Well, luckily I was elected President of the club in December, and was able to dismantle it entirely by January. We can’t have dangerous stuff like that floating around.

Liberalism is dead. I win. America wins.