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College Republicans Survey: What next for the GOP?

Published on June 4, 2013 by in Featured

Reinventing the GOP

A report by the College Republican National Committee released Monday found that most young Republicans are Democrats. Yet all is not lost! The report also gives tips on what the GOP can do to change!

You can read the entire report for yourself (PDF), but we should warn you: it is filled with corporate double-speak and fluffery. So, to help you out, we have translated key passages from the original document into normal, straight-forward and honest English, below.

Alternatively, you can simply watch our video prediction about the Future of the Republican Party, since it pretty much mirrors the results of this survey.

 

 

Paraphrased from page 3:  Conventional wisdom incorrectly holds that young people naturally favor Democrats. While it is true that the Democratic Party is on a recent winning streak with the youth vote, Ronald Reagan held the record for winning the highest proportion of young voters at 59% in 1984.  And there is nothing at all awkward about having to go back 30 years to find the last time we were popular with people under 30.

 

Paraphrased from page 11:  Only about one-third of young Republicans watch Fox News. Which is a big part of why we are so massively screwed.

 

Paraphrased from page 17:  Would investing more in Facebook/Twitter advertising and in building a stronger Facebook/Twitter fan-base be useful to Republican candidates? Certainly… So what makes a shareable Facebook post or Tweet? There is still significant research to be done, but one study showed that in the 2012 election, the posts that got the most attention and engagement on Facebook coming out of the Obama campaign were posts about the Obamas’ family life. So obviously more racist memes about Michelle Obama and her children would be a big plus.

 

Paraphrased from page 21:  In an October 2012 survey conducted by The Winston Group, 24% of 18- to 34-year-old voters said they got most of their political news on a smartphone. This creates a problem for Republicans, since many prominent Republicans don’t know what a smart phone is.

 

Paraphrased from page 29: Much of the conversation around young voters and the GOP’s policy positions has focused on the “social issues” and, in particular, the issue of same-sex marriage. Young people simply diverge from the position held by many Republican leaders, and the best suggestion we can come up with is that you guys simply stop talking about that crap. Seriously. Just stop.

 

Paraphrased from page 31: An outright majority of young Republicans still think Republican policies are to blame for the Great Recession, which is so weird because we totally tried to skew the answers in our survey to get them to choose other things.

 

Paraphrased from page 36: Young people don’t actually care about “small government”.  This is why Sean Hannity hates young people.

 

Paraphrased from page 38: Overwhelmingly, respondents in the focus groups thought the problem was not just that too much money was being spent, but rather that it was being spent on the wrong things.  This is why Paul Ryan hates young people.

 

Paraphrased from page 39: Perhaps most troubling for Republicans is the finding from the March 2013 CRNC survey that showed 54% of young voters saying “taxes should go up on the wealthy.”  This is why John Boehner hates young people.

 

Paraphrased from page 65-67: Perhaps no topic has gotten more attention with regards to the youth vote than the issue of gay marriage. And on this issue, the conventional wisdom is right: young people are unlikely to view homosexuality as morally wrong, and they lean toward legal recognition of same-sex relationships.

Among those respondents who said that same-sex marriage should be legal (a full 44% of young voters), half said that they would probably or definitely not vote for a candidate with whom they disagreed on same-sex marriage, even if they were in agreement on taxes, defense, immigration, and spending.

In the short run, as we wait for the Supreme Court rulings on the Defense of Marriage Act and California’s Proposition 8, the best course of action for the party may be to bravely take every side of the marriage equality debate… or simply not talk about it at all.

 

Paraphrased from page 72: For the GOP, being thought of as closed-minded is hardly a good thing. But if the GOP is thought of as the “stupid party,” it may as well be the kiss of death.  STUPID! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! DO I NEED TO MENTION YOU BY NAME???

 

Paraphrased from page 74: Therein lies the opportunity for the GOP. Yes, the Democratic Party is currently winning on the attributes of being caring and open-minded. But the great news for Republicans is that while those items matter, they are not the only things that matter!  Intelligence, competence, hard work, and responsibility matter a lot too!

Of course, Republicans aren’t seen as competent, hard working, or intelligent… but the point is that they could be, if they changed. A lot.

 

Paraphrased from page 79: Focusing on opportunity trumped narratives around the constitution, liberty, and American values. So basically, all of the rhetoric that conservative Talk Radio has been promoting for the last 5 years has been completely destroying Republican chances with young people.

 

Paraphrased from pages 80-82: STOP ELECTING STUPID PEOPLE!

 

Paraphrased from page 84: The Republican Party’s struggles with young voters are well-documented and stem from a number of sources. The question now is what to do about it. We do not pretend to have a magic answer that will turn the tide completely. So our recommendation is basically this: get rid of old people, get rid of religious people, get rid of stupid people, and use Facebook.

GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[This ends our paraphrased summary of the CRNC Survey Results]

 
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Liberally biased poll results make Sean Hannity cry

Published on May 15, 2013 by in Graphs

Who do you trust more?

Sean Hannity is such a hard worker. For weeks, he has been yelling about how Benghazi is the worst scandal since the beginning of Time and is evidence of the complete downfall of liberal philosophy. I hope recent poll results don’t upset him too much.

The guilty party is a recent PPP poll which shows that the American people overwhelmingly trust Hillary Clinton, and do not trust House Republicans, on the topic of Benghazi, and generally don’t think that Benghazi is that important… at least not when compared to other things, like gun control or immigration reform, or even other scandals, like Watergate.

This must be confusing for poor Sean.  (I feel comfortable calling him “Sean”, because he seems so cuddly.)  Didn’t he spend 60 solid minutes on his radio show this week explaining that the Benghazi scandal was actually evidence of the complete failure of all liberal philosophy?  Hasn’t he had guest after guest on his show declaring that the only logical conclusion that anyone could possibly come to is that Obama staged Benghazi in order to promote his radical world-Muslim agenda? Has all of Sean’s hard work gone completely to waste?

The worst part of it all, however, isn’t in the overall results of the survey, but in the breakdown (or “cross-tabs” to use fancy statistics terminology) of the results by party, shown in the two graphs that we have included in this article.

After all, we can expect that Democrats are all socialist takers who want to destroy America because they see Obama as a friendly black sodomite Santa Claus (which they love).

But what about Republicans?

The graph above clearly shows that although most Democrats trust Hillary and most Republicans trust Congress, there are more Republicans who defected betrayed blasphemed said that they trust Hillary than there are Democrats who said they trust Congress.

Is Benghazi the worst thing ever?

Similarly, the majority of Republicans do not believe that Benghazi is OMG THE WORST THING EVER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.

What is wrong with you, stupid Republicans? Aren’t you paying attention to Sean Hannity????

Clearly, these so-called Republicans are not in completely lock-step with Sean Hannity’s agenda.  Even after all of his hard, hard work.

Poor Sean.

Obviously, this can only be explained by invoking the sinister forces of liberal bias!!!!

 

PPP Poll Results with crosstab data: Americans trust Clinton over GOP on Benghazi (PDF)

Cross-Tab graphs created using: SomeDisagree.com CrossTab Grapher

Related Posts: Republican voters have a Liberal Bias,          Benghazi: the official list of charges

 
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POLL RESULT: the public blames Obama for the sequester!

Published on March 8, 2013 by in Graphs

Obama takes the blame!Every day this week, talk show hosts and radio commentators have been saying that the public blames Obama for the sequester. They are obviously referring to the above poll results.

Consider these headlines:

Obama poll numbers take a post-sequester dive

Sequester Blowback: Obama Plummets to 43%

Poll: Obama’s Not Winning The Sequester Fight

Obama Suddenly Not Winning the Sequester Fight

Poll: Obama approval drops seven points on sequester worries

FIRST SEQUESTER VICTIM! OBAMA’S JOB APPROVAL DIVES

 

Holy Cow! Just look at those headlines! It’s almost as if the poll didn’t even ASK the corresponding question about the approval rating for Republicans in Congress.

…and naturally, we would have preferred it if they hadn’t.

This is why we have added some small highlighting arrows to the above graph, to make sure that you are looking at the correct part of the graph, and do not succumb to liberal bias!!!

 

graph data source: ABC News/Washington Post poll
graph found via: Langer Research

 
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America has voted: THE DEFICIT IS GETTING BIGGER!

Published on February 27, 2013 by in Graphs

People vote on reality.

This graph proves that the Federal Deficit is getting bigger. Anyone who disagrees therefore hates freedom and democracy, and clearly has a liberal bias.

According to this graph, 62% of the people voted to believe that the deficit is getting bigger, 28% voted to believe that it is roughly the same, and only 6% voted to believe that the deficit is shrinking. By a clear majority, the American people have decided that  the deficit is increasing.  In a representative government like the United States, that means they must be right.

Numerical DeficitNow, if you are weak-willed or easily confused, you might point to other graphs that seem to show the numerical value of the deficit decreasing every year since 2009.   From that, you might be fooled into believing that the deficit is not increasing.

But saying stuff like that is to completely disrespect the power of the people.  If someone says that the deficit is “actually” decreasing and that 90% of the people are “wrong”, you need to respond by saying:

ONLY A TYRANT TRIES TO FORCE 90% OF THE PEOPLE TO BEND TO HIS WILL!!!!

Then you will have obviously won the argument.

As Mitt Romney’s noble and glorious presidential campaign said: we will not allow our beliefs to be dictated by fact-checkers!

 

graphs found via: Steve Benen, MaddowBlog (graph  1) (graph 2)

 
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Trust has a liberal bias

Published on February 27, 2013 by in Graphs

Trust has a liberal bias

Liberals are tooting their horns over this graph, but they are interpreting it wrong. All this graph really means is that trust has a liberal bias.

According to poll conducted by the far-left communist organization, the Wall Street Journal, more Americans trust Democrats than Republicans to handle domestic issues like health care, social security, energy, the economy, and looking out for the middle class.

But that is why good conservatives know that a government can’t be based on mushy, squishy-feely emotions like “trust”.  Sean Hannity, the Wise and Just, has been harping on this very issue on his radio show for the last several days now.  “Democrats are good at manipulating people’s emotions,” he says. “Democrats win by getting people fired up.”

That’s what “trust” is, folks. A stupid, irrational, liberal emotion.  We, as conservatives should be proud that the American people don’t “trust” the Republican party!

After all… look at voter ID laws, Gerrymandering, and our attempts to roll back the Voting Rights Act.

It’s pretty clear that we don’t trust the American people, either.

 

graph data source: NBC/Wall Street Journal poll
graph found via: Steve Benen, Maddow Blog

 
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Are you one of the 87% ?

Published on February 23, 2013 by in Statistics

The 87 Percent

According to a recent poll, 87% of Americans consider the word “Republican” to be synonymous with greed, racism, and violence. We know how to fix that.

Of course, by “fix that” we don’t mean change people’s minds. Recent history has shown that conservatives are not very good at that. However, we have learned how to unskew polls.

Thanks to the methods and technology used  in the last election, we have learned to reason this way: Since there are two sides to every issue, and “fair” means 50-50, any statistic must be corrected so that it reflects 50% the opinions that agree with Republicans and 50% the opinions that agree with Democrats.

Since we now know that 87% of the people have liberal bias, we must remember to compensate for this in all of our calculations.

Here is an example:  Obama’s approval is currently 55%.

But that is only because 87% of the people unfairly think that Republicans are greedy, racist dickwads. To be fair, we should assume that only 50% of people think that Republicans are greedy racist dickwads.  Therefore, Obama’s approval rating is really

55%  x  (50/87)  = 32%

 

OH MY GOD OBAMA’S APPROVAL IS ONLY 32% !!!!!!

See how unskewing works?

Now that you know how it’s done, make sure you unskew all of your friends when talking to them about politics.

Remember, if you don’t do this, then people might think you are one of the 87%, and guilty of liberal bias!

 

Data Source: NSON Opinion Strategy
Data Found Via: The Allegiant
Graph By: LiberalBias.com

 
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