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GOP TIP: How to answer opinion polls

Published on May 20, 2013 by in Featured

Opinion Poll Translation

Opinion poll results have become increasingly weird in the last year. Luckily, we are here  to explain what these results mean, and give you instructions on how YOU should answer political opinion polls.

The weirdness is this: if we take poll results at face value, it looks suspiciously as though Republicans believe some…. <ahem> questionable things. For example, a great deal of fun has been made about the fact that 20% of Republicans believe that Obama is the antichrist, and 58% of Republicans think that Global Warming is not only “false” but is a conspiracy.

IRS Debate Opinion PollBut even with beliefs that are not as wacky, it seems that being a Republican is almost completely predictive of what facts you are willing to accept as “true”.

Republicans, by a large margin, think that Obama’s explanations of the current IRS “scandal” do not make sense, in sharp contrast to… well, everyone else, who think that Obama’s arguments do make sense.

Similarly, the population of people who believe that the “Benghazi scandal” is the “worst scandal ever” is made up almost entirely of Republicans, and nobody else.

Is it really true that Democrats and Republicans have such drastically different ideas about what is “believable” and what is not? Or what is “the worse scandal” and what is not?

The simple answer is this: No.  Republicans are simply answering polls in their own unique and patriotic way.

See the sample image above.

If you are a Republican, you know that these are desperate times. As a result, if you have the opportunity to answer a political opinion poll, you know that you have one and only one goal: TO MAKE SURE THE WORLD KNOWS THAT OBAMA SUCKS.

It doesn’t actually matter what the opinion poll is asking about. Your task is simply to choose whatever answer will convey the fact THAT OBAMA SUCKS.

Therefore, a question about Global Warming will have two possible answers: A) Global warming exists, or B) Obama Sucks

And a question about Benghazi will have two possible answers: A) Benghazi is not the worst thing ever, or B) Obama Sucks

And a question about whether the White House lied about… anything… will have two possible answer: A) The White House didn’t lie, or B) Obama Sucks.

You get the idea.

So please make sure you use this technique if ever YOU are called upon to answer a political opinion poll.  Remember, it doesn’t actually matter if you’ve even heard of the topic they are asking about.

Just make sure you choose the answer that corresponds to: Obama Sucks.

Doing anything else, well… that might just lead to Liberal Bias!!!!

 

 
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Liberally biased poll results make Sean Hannity cry

Published on May 15, 2013 by in Graphs

Who do you trust more?

Sean Hannity is such a hard worker. For weeks, he has been yelling about how Benghazi is the worst scandal since the beginning of Time and is evidence of the complete downfall of liberal philosophy. I hope recent poll results don’t upset him too much.

The guilty party is a recent PPP poll which shows that the American people overwhelmingly trust Hillary Clinton, and do not trust House Republicans, on the topic of Benghazi, and generally don’t think that Benghazi is that important… at least not when compared to other things, like gun control or immigration reform, or even other scandals, like Watergate.

This must be confusing for poor Sean.  (I feel comfortable calling him “Sean”, because he seems so cuddly.)  Didn’t he spend 60 solid minutes on his radio show this week explaining that the Benghazi scandal was actually evidence of the complete failure of all liberal philosophy?  Hasn’t he had guest after guest on his show declaring that the only logical conclusion that anyone could possibly come to is that Obama staged Benghazi in order to promote his radical world-Muslim agenda? Has all of Sean’s hard work gone completely to waste?

The worst part of it all, however, isn’t in the overall results of the survey, but in the breakdown (or “cross-tabs” to use fancy statistics terminology) of the results by party, shown in the two graphs that we have included in this article.

After all, we can expect that Democrats are all socialist takers who want to destroy America because they see Obama as a friendly black sodomite Santa Claus (which they love).

But what about Republicans?

The graph above clearly shows that although most Democrats trust Hillary and most Republicans trust Congress, there are more Republicans who defected betrayed blasphemed said that they trust Hillary than there are Democrats who said they trust Congress.

Is Benghazi the worst thing ever?

Similarly, the majority of Republicans do not believe that Benghazi is OMG THE WORST THING EVER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.

What is wrong with you, stupid Republicans? Aren’t you paying attention to Sean Hannity????

Clearly, these so-called Republicans are not in completely lock-step with Sean Hannity’s agenda.  Even after all of his hard, hard work.

Poor Sean.

Obviously, this can only be explained by invoking the sinister forces of liberal bias!!!!

 

PPP Poll Results with crosstab data: Americans trust Clinton over GOP on Benghazi (PDF)

Cross-Tab graphs created using: SomeDisagree.com CrossTab Grapher

Related Posts: Republican voters have a Liberal Bias,          Benghazi: the official list of charges

 
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POLL RESULT: the public blames Obama for the sequester!

Published on March 8, 2013 by in Graphs

Obama takes the blame!Every day this week, talk show hosts and radio commentators have been saying that the public blames Obama for the sequester. They are obviously referring to the above poll results.

Consider these headlines:

Obama poll numbers take a post-sequester dive

Sequester Blowback: Obama Plummets to 43%

Poll: Obama’s Not Winning The Sequester Fight

Obama Suddenly Not Winning the Sequester Fight

Poll: Obama approval drops seven points on sequester worries

FIRST SEQUESTER VICTIM! OBAMA’S JOB APPROVAL DIVES

 

Holy Cow! Just look at those headlines! It’s almost as if the poll didn’t even ASK the corresponding question about the approval rating for Republicans in Congress.

…and naturally, we would have preferred it if they hadn’t.

This is why we have added some small highlighting arrows to the above graph, to make sure that you are looking at the correct part of the graph, and do not succumb to liberal bias!!!

 

graph data source: ABC News/Washington Post poll
graph found via: Langer Research

 
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Trust has a liberal bias

Published on February 27, 2013 by in Graphs

Trust has a liberal bias

Liberals are tooting their horns over this graph, but they are interpreting it wrong. All this graph really means is that trust has a liberal bias.

According to poll conducted by the far-left communist organization, the Wall Street Journal, more Americans trust Democrats than Republicans to handle domestic issues like health care, social security, energy, the economy, and looking out for the middle class.

But that is why good conservatives know that a government can’t be based on mushy, squishy-feely emotions like “trust”.  Sean Hannity, the Wise and Just, has been harping on this very issue on his radio show for the last several days now.  “Democrats are good at manipulating people’s emotions,” he says. “Democrats win by getting people fired up.”

That’s what “trust” is, folks. A stupid, irrational, liberal emotion.  We, as conservatives should be proud that the American people don’t “trust” the Republican party!

After all… look at voter ID laws, Gerrymandering, and our attempts to roll back the Voting Rights Act.

It’s pretty clear that we don’t trust the American people, either.

 

graph data source: NBC/Wall Street Journal poll
graph found via: Steve Benen, Maddow Blog

 
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“Favorability” has a liberal bias!

Published on February 18, 2013 by in Graphs

Liberal Bias Favorability

The new Quinnipiac survey results were released last week. They show one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt: the word “favorability” must have a liberal bias!

Look at these disgusting, liberal survey results. For each politician, the blue bar represents the number of people who rated their view of the politician as “favorable” while the red bar represents the number of people who rated their view of the politician as “unfavorable”.  (They do not add up to 100%, because the difference is the number of people who said that they did not have enough information to answer.)

The gray diamond shows the favorability margin: the favorability minus the unfavorability.

First of all, there is an obvious liberal bias to this poll, because the Republican politicians overall averaged much more unfavorably than the Democratic ones. In fact, the only Republican politician who ranked as more favorable than the lowest-rated Democratic politician was Marco Rubio. Clearly this means that the whole idea of “favorability” is liberal and communist and this question shouldn’t even be asked.

However, that is not even the worst part of this survey result.

The worst part is this: HILLARY CLINTON?  REALLY??????

Don’t the American people REALIZE that she’s, like, practically the devil?

Haven’t the American people been listening, when we tell them that she had White House Counsel Vince Foster killed, she accepted money from a Chinese spy, she has a lot of mysterious dead friends, she manipulated high risk commodities futures in a money scam, she was involved in something called Whitewater that nobody remembers but was a big scandal, she is secretly a lesbian (you can tell because of her haircut), she faked a concussion and/or allowed herself to be pushed down the stairs just to avoid testifying about Benghazi, and… and… STUFF LIKE THAT???

How can the American People like this woman???

Obviously, they have all been hypnotized by some kind of liberal lesbian voodoo.

 

And if that weren’t bad enough, this poll now gives liberals an excuse to shamelessly brag and strut about how popular their girl Hillary is.

God, they are such sore winners.

 

graph data source: quinnipiac poll results, Feb 8 2013
graph created by: liberalbias.com

 
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