If you have been cheating on LiberalBias this week with lesser news outlets, you will have noticed that nobody in the liberal media has been reporting on the important issues.
For example, every news outlet has completely ignored the fact that the healthcare.gov website has experienced glitches! Not only that, but there has not been a single report about how Barack Hussein Obama lied about people being able to keep their insurance plans.
He is forcing me to get a new insurance plan that covers emergency services and mental health. Why? Do I seem like I have mental problems? G-Men are following me! They’re afraid I can tear down their institutions through my fearless reporting!
People shouldn’t have “emergency services”, anyway. When I was 11 and I had a gnarly injury during a Little League game, an ambulance had to come and take me to the hospital. My insurance did not cover ambulance rides, and my parents were billed $2000. Under Obamacare, ambulance services would have to be covered… which really just makes it less special.
How dare the government make ambulances affordable for a blue-collar family like mine! I loved being in that ambulance because I knew it was expensive. Now anybody can ride in one. What’s next? Kids can smoke vodka and take doobies? Welcome to Obama’s America, people.
With the liberal machine exerting its iron-gripped control over the media, I can guarantee you that it will not ignore is October’s job numbers.
Last Friday, the White House released the October jobs report, revealing that the U.S. Economy added 204,000 jobs during the month. How can that be? Didn’t the Obama administration and economists warn that the “government shutdown” would hurt hirings and cause private enterprise billions, even though the only things that got shut down were veterans memorials and the socialist redistribution of wealth to kids with cancer?
Yet somehow, that resulted in 850,000 government employees being furloughed, which begs the question: Why do all these people work for the government instead of in real jobs that we’re allowing low-skilled illegal immigrants to work for under minimum wage? These are good jobs that hardworking Americans would be lucky to have!
I think the government shutdown was a wonderful thing. I think the government should always be shut down, as do all real conservatives. But in this case, the Democrat Party was also not trying to re-open the government, because they refused to go along with the Republican Party’s demands to defund Obamacare.
So why would a liberal communist atheist Muslim like Obama agree with me?
The answer, my friends, is in the October jobs report.
Remember these basic axioms of Conservative Truth:
1) Reducing the government will lead to job growth
2) Therefore, shutting down the government should lead to extra-super-job-growth-times-infinity
3) Obama secretly knows this, but will never admit it.
4) Obama allowed the government to shut down temporarily as part of his secret plan to boost jobs and make it seem as though all of his other ridiculous policies, like Obamacare, are not a complete and utter failure.
Do you still need proof that the government shutdown was all part of a deliberate plot by Obama to boost the economy based on conservative principles? Just look at this graph:
Now, just imagine what wonderful things would happen if he just went along with all of the other conservative principles, like creating a regressive tax code, defunding Medicare and Social Security, and banning gay marriage at the federal level!
It would be a true New Utopia, making China look like a banana republic and the United States look like…. well, Banana Republic!