Youth minister Greg Stevens writes an open letter to Pope Benedict XVI to thank him for his efforts to rid the world of liberal bias.

Dear Pope Benedict,

As the leader of the largest and oldest Christian tradition on planet Earth, you have tirelessly fought to bring light, joy, and peace to the human condition. You have reminded us that condoms are okay, but only when used by male prostitutes to slow the spread of HIV. You eloquently wrote that, as Christians, we should pray before each and every time we have sex. You have helped us fight against the tragic “tsunami of secular influence” by blessing the condemnation of birth control, speaking out against the feminazi nuns, and even opening a personal Twitter account to better spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

And this past December, you did it again. You have once again proven your incredible ability to lead millions of Christians in the loving, humble and beautiful way of Jesus by reminding us all that gays are a “manipulation of nature”.

As a single, 85 year old virgin, your God-inspired wisdom on relationships is absolutely vital. Yours is a voice that we Christians cherish and proclaim with great pride.

Because you couldn’t be more right in pointing out that gay marriage represents an attack on traditional marriage that is for “the exclusive profit of a tiny minority”. Jesus might have been into helping some minorities, but obviously not the “tiny” minorities.

It is also absolutely true that marriage is rooted in fiscal irresponsibility. I can only hope that the millions of dollars given by Catholics around the world this next Sunday could be used to combat such lucrative attacks on our faith.

So I wanted to reach out and thank you.

Thank you for equipping priests around the globe to model healthy relationships with women and men, but most importantly our children. After all, it is our Priests who’ve followed the Gospel of Mark’s story of Jesus  so faithfully, “People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them…” (Mark 10:13, New International Version).

Thank you for valuing liberty and justice for all in your incredible ability to speak truth to the manipulation of love. It is love that we must speak to before we can ever begin to understand how to respond to global poverty, human slave-trade and environmental degradation. It is important to rebuke homosexuals, because maybe once they get love right, we good Christians can move on to working on other societal problems.

Thank you for holding fast to the belief in natural relationships. As believers in the Bible, we must never forget the importance of natural scientific facts. After all, sin entered this world through the deception of a talking snake.

And most of all, thank you for reminding us that same-sex, loving, and monogamous relationships are evil.

God Bless You.

Greg Stevens