The Easter Bunny does NOT have a liberal bias, and I can prove it

We’ve all heard that the Easter Bunny, chocolate eggs, and pastel colors, are not “really” Christian but borrowed from pagan traditions. Have you been fooled by this claim? Well, I have good news for you:  THIS IS A LIBERAL ATHEIST LIE!

Let’s crack-open the Bible, and eggucate these tricksters. Trust me, when you share these really real true facts about Christianity and Easter with your liberal coworkers and family members, it will BLOW THEIR MINDS!

1) THE BUNNY

Rabbits know how to procreate“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28).

Rabbits are an essential Christian symbol. They are known for following God’s first command to have hot, hetero, monogamous sex purely for the purpose of procreation!

Some people have interpreted this Bible passage very narrowly, claiming that it is nothing more than absolute proof that God completely hates sodomy, homosexuality, and blowjobs. But if you understand the Bible as well as I do, you can read these words and see that it is also clearly a reference to bunnies!

The Easter Bunny reminds us of the original purity God created us with and for; the Bunny reminds us that the homosexual sodomite BJ agenda must be stopped!

2. CADBURY EGGS

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal” (Matthew 6:19-21).

Cadbury eggLiberals often look at this passage and think that Jesus wants us to live simply and without wealth. But that is stupid. When I read this Bible passage, I clearly see that is means something quite different.

Cadbury Eggs are, quite plainly, God’s own treasure. Pure chocolate joy, and when you break it open like a treasure chest there is even more sugary sweetness inside. In this passage, God is saying that you should not store your “treasures”, i.e. Cadbury Eggs, but instead devour them before they go bad.

This scripture inspires us to live large, devour more, and consume everything in sight – we wouldn’t want moths, rusts, and thieves get into our Easter chocolaty goodness!

3) TACKY PASTEL EASTER SUITS

“And it shall come to pass in the day of the LORD’S sacrifice, that I will punish the princes, and the king’s children, and all such as are clothed with strange apparel” (Zephaniah 1:8).

Again, atheists claim that we stole the brightly-colored apparel in Easter celebration from the pagans. But again, the atheists are wrong.

Biblically speaking, we dress our colorful best because it reminds us that in Jesus’ resurrection God no longer hates us like He has in the past. God no longer judges us on our “strange apparel” but looks to Jesus for our righteousness! Seersucker suits are a sure sign of resurrection.

4. DECORATED EGGS

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me” (Matthew 11:28-30).

Easter Eggs… Pagan?! HA! Because of this scripture, Christians have been using eggs to envision the truth of Jesus’ message for centuries. When we believe in Jesus, he covers our hearts with his yoke and then calls us to scramble this dark world of liberal lies with his gracious love – Son side up! The painting of eggs is our way of painting our love on God’s own word!

And of course, no Easter is complete without…….

5. PEEPS

“And as they came down from the mountain, Jesus charged them that they should tell no man what things they had seen, till the Son of man were risen from the dead” (Mark 9:9).

Jesus peepsJesus said they should “tell no man what things they had seen.” In other word, he asked his disciples “to not say a peep”! Coincidence? I think not! THIS IS A CLEAR REFERENCE TO AMAZING FLUFFY CANDY BIRDS!

This Easter we no longer have to keep our peepers shut; these sugary gems remind us that resurrection can be shouted from the rooftops, death has no sting, and new-life begins now!

I know it’s true. I read it in the Bible.

Republican Jesus knows how to talk to women

Conservative legislators are meeting with the National Republican Congressional Committee to discuss how to talk to women. But as the most Christian party of the most Christian nation, Republicans shouldn’t need to be coached by the NRCC.

They should be coached by the Bible, and the Good Book is very clear.

  • “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” 1 Timothy 2:12
  • “Women are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home.” 1 Corinthians 14
  • “The head of a woman is her husband…Any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled dishonors her head–it is the same as if her head were shaven…Woman is the glory of man. Man was not created for woman, but woman for man.” -1 Corinthians 11
  • “Train women…to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:4-5

The Bible says it and that settles it!

At the sacrifice of Biblical patriarchy, these legislators are being trained in the fallacy of modern day equality by “politically correct” anti-traditional coaches. We as Christians must proclaim the timeless truths of Godly Womanhood before the demonic forces of liberal-equality take captive our Grand Old Party!

If you are a Republican who believes in the literal interpretation of the Bible, you know that women need to hush up and get out of politics, out of leadership, and out of the voting booth!  If you are a Conservative Christian, then you know that one of the greatest failures of our country was the right for women to vote.

Women, just shut up! It’s what REPUBLICAN JESUS would have wanted.

Example of a good Christian woman