GROUNDBREAKING: Rick Perry claims accused man in Texas is innocent!

TDE Liberal Bias For the first time Rick Perry claims an accused man in Texas might be innocent!

It had to happen. After 14 years as Governor, Rick Perry has finally found a convict in Texas that he claims is innocent!

First, some background: Before this week, Governor Perry claimed he had never lost a moment’s sleep about the fact that any of the 275 people has had executed as Governor might be innocent.  “Texas has a very thoughtful, a very clear process,” he said during a 2011 Republican debate. “I think Americans understand justice.”

But now, after a Grand Jury considered evidence for 4 months, Rick Perry himself has been indicted on two felony counts of abuse of power, carrying combined sentences of more than 100 years.

As the Grand Jury heard, Rick Perry did exactly the things he’s accused of.  It was a “thoughtful and very clear process”.  Naturally, if the accused were a black or a Democrat, or in fact anyone other than Rick Perry, there is no doubt  that Rick Perry would be happy to lock up the dangerous criminal and throw away the key.

But of course now things are different. Ignore those who say over the past 14 years Governor Perry “has created a widespread culture of intimidation and corruption” and should step down.

Instead, let’s focus on the unique nature of this case: For the first time ever, Rick Perry has found an accused man in Texas that he claims is innocent!

Real conservatives drink oil.

Dying of Thirst is the American Way

Thank God for Texans! In Texas, people know that oil and money are way more important than water.

Dying of Thirst is the American Way
Original artwork by Hergé of Tin Tin comics.

 

There is a story that has been completely misrepresented by the liberally bias media.

Across Texas, there are small towns that are completely drying up because the oil industry is using all of their water for fracking.

According to an article in The Guardian, farms are literally drying up, and cattle-herders are losing animals and even having to move or close down, because the wells are going dry.

If the current heat-wave and dryness continue for much longer, with oil companies shipping out what little water exists within town borders, these small population centers could become ghost towns.

The Guardian, a pinko liberally biased publication, calls this a “tragedy”.

THIS IS NOT A TRAGEDY! THIS IS A SUCCESS!

Nay, this is a symbolic embodiment of Freedom Itself!

 

What the liberally biased media won’t tell you is that the oil companies aren’t exactly “stealing” the water from these towns: the people in these towns are selling it willingly.

That’s right! Freedom-loving patriots in Texas, who worship the only two true gods, Jesus and the Bottom Line, just can’t help themselves when the oil companies back a truck load of cash up against their garage doors.

And they literally don’t see a problem with sucking every last drop of water out of their environment until the earth as dry and orange as John Boehner’s post-tan afterglow.

Larry Baxter, for example, is a resident of the small town Mertzon, TX, who is quoted by the Guardian as saying: “People use their water for food and fibre. I choose to use my water to sell to the oil field… I don’t see any difference.”

Only a true patriot could say that he sees no difference between selling water to oil companies, and using it to…. well, you know…. drink and grow food.

If you’re a real conservative, you don’t need water. You drink oil.

 

Seriously, though. Like all good conservatives, he’s motivated by money. If he sucks 20 to 30 trucks’ worth of water out of the ground each day and sells it to the oil companies, he can easily make $36,000 a month.

Of course, when you’re shipping 20 to 30 trucks of water out of a town with very limited wells, eventually you end up with less of a town and more of a tumble weed farm.

But, dude…. $36,000 per month! That’s what freedom is all about!