Top 10 reasons people say you shouldn’t file your taxes!

Every year on April 15, millions of Americans wait until the very last minute to turn in their taxes to the Internal Revenue Service. They spend lots of time and money preparing paperwork in the hopes that the government gives them a small amount of the money that was stolen from them in the first place!

But REAL AMERICANS know that there really is no need to pay taxes. To prove this, I have scoured the Conservative Internet, and collected the top 10 most popular reasons mentioned in blogs, comments sections and social media that people have found explaining why you SHOULD NOT FILE YOUR TAXES on April 15th!

10. The government can’t be trusted with your money

Did you hear that the United States government is spending $750,000 for a new soccer field at Guantanamo Bay? What about the $13,500 tab the U.S. Postal Service picked up at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse, or the $82,500,000,000 the government spent on food stamps last year? Clearly, the government is wasting all the money in brings in from YOUR tax dollars! Why should you pay the bills they rack up doing nothing that is worthwhile?

You can't trust the government with your money. What if they make it smell like noodles?
You can’t trust the government with your money. What if they make it smell like noodles?

9. Nobody ever asked you if you wanted to pay taxes

Remember when you turned 18 and you received a letter in the mail that asked you if you wanted to voluntarily give half your money to your local, state, and federal government that can be allocated by your elected representatives? No you do not, because this never happened. America was founded on the principles of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Since the government started taking your tax money without asking you, your right to liberty is being compromised. Take it back.

8. We already have roads

One thing the Democrat party always wants to bring up when it comes to the role of taxes is that it is how roads, bridges, and basic infrastructure are funded. It is impossible to live in a society without utilizing the resources that taxpayer dollars have birthed. That’s all fine and great, except we already have roads, so we don’t need to pay taxes anymore! They did their job. Us patriots will take it from here!

Roads are st00pid

7. It’s what Vladimir Putin wants us to do

Putin wants Russia to be the world’s superpower, and his ability to make America act in whatever way he wants them to is unrivaled. So if the United States government wants its citizens to pay taxes, that means Vladimir Putin wants us to pay taxes! That means you’re practically paying taxes to Russia, and are you Russian? Well, you might be, because America is a melting pot and if you are that’s okay. But if you aren’t Russian, then why would you ever pay taxes?

6. Barack Obama pays taxes

On Friday, President Obama released his 2013 federal income tax returns, revealing that he and the First Lady made $481,098 and paid $98,169 in total taxes. As you are well aware, everything that this President does is awful and you should not try to mimic him in any way. That includes by paying taxes.

5. Filing your taxes makes it easier for the government to take your guns

By paying taxes, you are placed on a list that is maintained by agents of the Internal Revenue Service. If it’s easy for them to audit you, then imagine how easy it would be when they decide to declare Sharia Law and take your guns away! Obviously that’s the reason why they ask you for your name and social security number when you file your taxes. Why else would they need that information? What do they think you’re trying to hide?

This "news" story was later found to be completely false. However, by the time that happened it had been copied to over 100 conservative blogs on the web. A couple of sites, most notably InfoWars, have issues retractions. Most have not.
This “news” story was later found to be completely false. However, by the time that happened it had been copied to over 100 conservative blogs on the web. A couple of sites, most notably InfoWars, have issued retractions. Most have not.

4. Income taxes are literally weapons of mass destruction

Someone WHO HAS A PH.D. has written a book that is really popular on World Net Daily and Breit Burt, where he says that, “Income taxes are political weapons of mass destruction used by governments against their own people,” and that “During the past century, the IRS has grown into a vicious, hydra-headed monster, a bureaucratic despot, completely out of control and in principle uncontrollable.” Gosh, that sounds super scary, and clearly doesn’t contain any hyperbolic language at all.

Taxed to death

 

3. Corporations don’t pay taxes

The conservative Supreme Court has ruled that corporations are people, which is great news for people who love freedom. Verizon, News Corp., General Electric, Boeing, and a bunch of other people do not have to pay any taxes. So why should you? Is the government saying that you are not worthy of the same freedoms that these people are?

2. They can just make more money

The Federal Reserve is just going to print more money whether you like it or not, so they might as well just print as much as they need instead of taking your money all year and doing God-knows-what with it. If President Obama and his cronies won’t take the hint that deficit spending is the worst thing any government could do, what’s stopping them from just printing more money? Can’t explain that!

JUST PRINT MONEY!

 

And the top #1 reason that I found mentioned on the internet that you should not pay your taxes is…

1. Okay but seriously did you guys see what happened on Game of Thrones last night?

Joffrey was a nice kid. He deserved to be king. Why is it that we always lose the good leaders too soon? My eyes are welling up just thinking about this. I don’t know why the government can expect me to cope with this AND give them money in the same week. Have they no decency?

And now, for your entertainment:

TAX DAY TRIVIA: Where did the 47% number come from?

47 percent

47 percent

As a special Tax Day Treat, today we will feature a bit of history. By now, everyone has heard of the infamous 47% statistic. Today, we will show you the specific document where that came from.

It first appeared on June 29, 2009, in a special report from the Tax Policy Center.The specific sentence in the report is this: “TPC (Tax Policy Center) estimates that under the new law (The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act), 47 percent of tax units (individuals or jointly-filing couples) will owe no income tax in 2009.”

More than two years later, this report has been summarized very wisely by our friends in the GOP as “47% of Americans are lazy moocher who suck money out of the system without giving anything back.”

You might be surprised to find that the source of this Great Wisdom was the Tax Policy Center, since everyone knows that they are known to be a left-leaning, highly ideological, liberal think-tank. We know this is true because there was this one time when they criticized Romney’s tax plan. Clearly, they are traitor to the American Dream.

So how is it possible that they decided to tell the truth about 47% of the population being lazy, shiftless, greedy, unemployed people who live off of government handouts?

Well, it all becomes more clear when you read the rest of the actual report.

Instead of just yelling “47 percent! Lazy! Moochers!!!” and laughing demonically, like Mitt Romney did that one time, this report goes on to say that most of the people who pay no income tax actually do work, but they make so little money and their expenses are so high that they receive credits back, such as the Earned Income Credit, that bring their net taxable income to zero.  The report also mentions that huge portions of the 47% statistics are accounted for by groups that liberals think deserve to get a little assistance, such as the elderly.

Clearly, all of that is just liberal gobbledy-gook and nonsense.  Nobody cares that these people are poor, employed, and elderly or disabled!  What matters is that they are MOOCHERS!

Luckily, nobody actually reads reports, anymore. Or else the Republican party might not have this wonderful gold mine of a winning strategy that they have today.