Four clear-cut reasons soccer is un-Christian and must be banished from the land!!

Dear Faithful Readers,

It has come to my attention that our viewership has been down this month. Going to Jesus in prayer, He told me it was because of Satan’s sinful soccer game – the World Cup. The King of Darkness has some how orchestrated a global gathering of televised homoerotic foot-fetish debauchery, and it has distracted good Americans from more important things. Like prayer, and reading articles on

Satan must be stopped! Soccer must be exposed!

First, research has shown that soccer evolved from the beloved English game Footsie!, but sinners have manipulated our innocent foot fun into a mess of daisy-boys prancing around after colorful balls. According to our source, “Baptist research indicates that ‘Playing Footsie’ often leads powder-puff little gay daisy boys into choosing to participate in an even more dangerous game later in life: that game is called sodomy!

Second, Satan uses “sports” like soccer to promote Socialist ideas. The Soccer-Industrial Complex refuses to allow individuality and creates mindless hedonists kicking balls around in circles. Many of these mindless soccer sinners even grow out their hair, which God says is an abomination (Leviticus 10:6).

Third, soccer also destroys traditional Christian heterosexual monogamous families. The short shorts these players are wearing are not only causing women to lustfully leave their husbands, but are also exposing our children to the homosexual lifestyle when player’s testicles flop out of their tiny booty-shorts. Many of these men prance around showing off their bodies as if they are sex symbols or something, when every good traditional Christian knows that’s what women’s bodies are for!

The craven sexual exploitation of men in soccer, which proves soccer is gay.... because straight men know that only women should be exploited for their bodies.... or something.
The sexual exploitation of men in soccer, which proves soccer is gay…. because straight men know that only women should be exploited for their bodies! …or something. Christians know what I mean.

Men having sexually attractive bodies is just… not part of Christian family values. It might be custom in uncivilized countries for men to run around naked, but this is America and male nudity must be controlled with fear of God’s own hand!  Uh… judgement, I mean.

Finally, speaking of hands, Satan’s socialist soccer game is an outward expression of total stupidity and ignorance. God gave humans hands, but in soccer you are only allowed to use your feet. How stupid is that? Idiots. “Oh simple ones, learn prudence; Oh fools, learn sense” (Proverbs 8:5).


In conclusion, there is a good reason true Americans don’t understand soccer, and all of this intense soccer-viewing is surely a sign that America is on the decline!  In the name of Jesus please call your local representatives and pastors – warn them of this abomination! Get involved! Fight back!

In His steps,

Pastor Gregory


P.S. Just to prove to you how terrible soccer is, here is one more sinful, evil picture of men who play soccer DO NOT LOOK AT IT TOO MUCH because you might have to pluck out your own eyeballs as penance.

photo courtesy of Vanity Fair
photo courtesy of Vanity Fair

Ep 6: Student loan reform is an insult to the power and glory of Capitalism itself

In this episode of “That s**t has liberal bias!” Zach Heltzel talks about student loan reform, and the fact that students like him should welcome crushing debt and skyrocketing college tuition prices because too many people are going to college anyway.

The conservative intellectual argument is really quite simple, and is based on a fundamental understanding and acceptance of free market principles, which is why liberals don’t get it. In capitalism, price is a function of supply and demand. Therefore, if prices are too high, all that means is that too many people are using the product. In a way, high prices can be viewed as a message from the God of Capitalism, saying “People shouldn’t be doing this so much.”

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Ep 3: Net Neutrality: Obama’s socialist agenda on the internet

In this episode of “That **** has Liberal Bias”, Zach talks about why all true Americans should be opposed to so-called “Net Neutrality”, because Freedom. Sure, the only countries in the world who do not have a free and open internet are countries like Syria and China, which have no freedom at all. But that’s not the point. There is a crucial difference between the United States and those places, and Zach Heltzel explains what that is…

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Who needs socialist educations? I got Wikipedia!

Learning with the internet, not schools

Ohio state representative Andrew Brenner (R-Powell) has made an important point that most of the corporate news media has missed. Luckily, I am here to explain it to you.

Normally, of course, I would tell you that anything “scholarly” or “academic” is typically liberal propaganda made up by atheists who worship Satan and think Shortbread is the best Girl Scout cookie.

But representative Brenner, the vice chair of the Ohio House Education Committee, used Wikipedia’s definition of socialism to prove an excellent conservative point!

“Socialism, defined on Wikipedia, ‘is a social and economic system characterized by social ownership of the means of production and co-operative management of the economy,’” he wrote, noting that the provided definition “seems to summarize our primary education system.”


Some people have said Wikipedia has a liberal bias, but this just proves that the opposite is true.  In fact, this gave me new respect for Wikipedia. Who needs schools? Obviously, all you have to do to understand things like “socialism” is read Wikipedia… and then use your own logicalness skills to reason out the rest!

After all, think about it: If Wikipedia is so bad, then why did all my teachers try to tell me that it was not acceptable to use as a source in a research paper? Hmm?

Clearly they were trying to hide its ability to speak truth to power. Once I realized this, I looked up as many definitions (which Wikipedia defines as “a statement that explains the meaning of a term”) as possible!

Wikipedia: speaking truth to power!

Authoritarianism, as defined by Wikipedia, is characterized by absolute or blind obedience to authority, as against individual freedom.

What does this remind you of? How about the 99% of scientists that have conspired to fool the world that global warming is real even though the winter has never been colder? Or evolutionary biologists that say that just because it’s a theory does not mean it is not a scientific fact? Wikipedia is saying that science in general is authoritarian, and thus anti-American!

An Information Society, as defined by Wikipedia, is “a society where the creation, distribution, use, integration and manipulation of information is a significant economic, political, and cultural activity.”

The key word here is MANIPULATION. Isn’t that exactly what the liberal media does to try to convince people that Barack Hussein Obama is the President despite no proof that he was elected twice? If you don’t have anything to hide, show us the votes! Otherwise, you’re waving a FALSE FLAG!

Speaking of Obama…

Despotism, as defined in Wikipedia, is “a form of government in which a single entity rules with absolute power.”

Certainly sounds like Obama, doesn’t it? Obama does everything he wants just by making an executive order without the input of Congress. That’s why Obamacare doesn’t have a public option: because Obama always gets his way.

I’d like to thank representative Andrew Brenner for teaching us all a valuable lesson. We don’t need these liberal indoctrination camps, i.e. colleges and universities. We can learn everything we need to know by looking things up on Wikipedia!

It looks like the liberal lie machine has met its match!

Or at least, that’s what I wrote on Wikipedia.

Seven reasons Pokemon is liberal indoctrination

Pokemon is filled with liberal propaganda

If you thought Pokemon, the video game/television/trading card phenomenon that galvanized children in the 1990s, was just a fad, you were wrong. The first season of the television show just hit Netflix, immediately after over a million people participated in Twitch Plays Pokemon, a game where people teamed together to coordinate button presses that allowed them all to beat the game as a gigantic hivemind.

Does that sound like collectivism to you?

Something about Pokemon must have encouraged all these gamers to participate in this socialist experiment. If you are able to see things clearly, as I am, you will see that liberalism runs deep throughout the Pokemon universe.

1. Single-Payer Healthcare Isn’t a Disaster in the Pokemon Universe

How is it that any time you go into a Pokecenter, wherein a perky redheaded nurse, always named Joy, heals you and your Pokemon for absolutely no cost? This is because of a liberal invention called a single-payer healthcare system, which is the only possible solution that is worse than Obamacare. Despite the fact that every single person who lives in a country with a single-payer healthcare system will die, Pokemon depicts these Pokecenters as clean, effective healthcare facilities that patch up these adorable pocket monsters quickly and efficiently. SURE.

2. Evolution Is Real, and Observable

One of the first things we learn in the Pokemon universe, regardless of whether you are watching the show or playing the video game, is that Pokemon evolve. Obviously, evolution is a lie from the pit of Hell meant to encourage white people and black people to intermingle in order to make adorable little mocha demon children. Not only does Pokemon tell children that evolution is real, it allows them to encourage it! By “leveling up” their Pokemon, they can take a stupid little Charmander and turn it into a triumphant Charizard, because evolution is awesome and they should totally believe in it.

3. Team Rocket Is Evil, But Not Evil Enough To Have GUNS

Team Rocket, a “criminal” organization operated by Giovanni, the Pokemon universe’s most influential businessman, is incompetent. Like, gets completely dismantled by a precocious ten year old and a yellow mouse incompetent. Their intentions are moral and just like those of the neoconservative movement; to protect the world from devastation and to unite all people within our nation. They would be able to do this easily…if only they embraced their second amendment rights. The liberal propaganda machine behind Pokemon wants you to believe Team Rocket is evil, but not evil enough to use the greatest deliverer of good the world has ever known.

4. Pokemon Destroyed Herman Cain’s Presidential Campaign

For a while, it looked like former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain was going to take our country back from Barack Hussein Obama. With his 9-9-9 economic policy that totally made sense and an inspiring stump speech, Cain catapulted up to the top of the polls and seemed poised to be the changemaker Obama promised he would be. That was until Cain began quoting Pokemon: The Movie 2000 on the campaign trail. While his message was appropriate, the source resulted in him being maligned by the corporate media. Pokemon allowed Mitt Romney to receive the nomination, removing all hope for a brighter future.

5. Pokemon Is Against Traditional Family Values

While America may not have its act together, Ukraine certainly does! What does the government in Ukraine have to say about Pokemon? The National Commission for Moral Affairs in Ukraine requested for the television series to be banned, as it is “aimed at the destruction of the family and promotes the use of drugs and other vices”. The show’s three main characters, Ash, Misty, and Brock, all come from abnormal families, or any family where there is not a mother and father present. Ash was raised by a single mother. Misty and Brock, both teenagers, have no parental presence in their life at all; Brock in particular is tasked with being the primary caretaker of his siblings. How dare they not have nuclear families? Shame on those kids. Speaking of Brock…

6. Brock. Barack. COINCIDENCE?

Commonly in anime, while presumptively the characters are of Asian descent, they typically look white. This is true in Pokemon, except for Brock, whose burnt sienna skin clashes against the ivory white skin of the other characters. His name also is suspiciously close to that of Barack Hussein Obama. So much so, in fact, that Google searches for “Brock Obama” will yield an internet meme combining the two.

7. Pokemon X and Y Is FULL of Liberal Ideology

This picture speaks for itself. What more do you really need to know?

Pokemon is filled with liberal propaganda
Pokemon is filled with liberal propaganda

The Gospel according to Cruz

Pastor Rafael Cruz, father of the honorable and blessed Ted Cruz, has been patiently explaining how the word of God applies to modern life. Unfortunately, the liberal media machine has been outright mocking him for some of his greatest Biblical insights, like these:

“Go to Genesis chapter nine and you will find the death penalty clearly stated in Genesis chapter nine … God ordains the death penalty!”

“Evolution is one of the strongest tools of Marxism because if they can convince you that you came from a monkey, it’s much easier to convince you that God does not exist.”

“God has given you an anointing to go to the battlefield. And what’s the battlefield? The marketplace. To go to the marketplace and occupy the land. To go to the marketplace and take dominion.”

“Socialism requires that government becomes your God. That’s why they have to destroy your concept of God. They have to destroy all your loyalties except loyalty to the government.”

“When there are no moral absolutes, [this] leads us to sexual immorality, leads us to sexual abuse, leads us to perversion and, of course, no hope.”

Now, Rafael Cruz obviously knows exactly what God meant to say in the Bible. The language of the Bible is crystal clear. WHO COULD POSSIBLY INTERPRET IT DIFFERENTLY??

But, just in case some of you still aren’t clear, I think it’s time to just put Rafael Cruz’s interpretation right in there, in the Bible, with everything else: The Gospel of Pastor Rafael Cruz.

The Gospel of Pastor Rafael Cruz
It’s in fancy lettering. That’s how you know it’s Biblical and authentic.

There you have it! I can’t decide whether this particular part of the Bible should be inserted before or after the part about not eating rare steak (Genesis 9:28)… but I’m sure it will fit in there somewhere!

TOP 5 Pope Quotes that Republican Jesus hates

2013 was a bad year for Poping.

Personally, I envision Pope Francis standing tall, adorned in his royal white robes, ushering in wicked sinners through the rusted gates of Hell. Don’t let his Catholic disguise convince you, he doesn’t know the first thing about being an American Christian Conservative!

So in honor of 2013 drawing to a close, here are the top 5 worst Pope Quotes from 2013 that no good conservative, all-American Republican Jesus would ever be able to get down with:

Republican Jesus says "No"#5  Soft on Hell

“The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ: all of us, not just Catholics. Everyone….even the atheists. Everyone!” (source)

#4 Doesn’t hate gays enough

“If a person is gay and seeks God and has goodwill, who am I to judge him?” (source)

#3 Doesn’t hate poor people enough

“Among our tasks as witnesses to the love of Christ is that of giving a voice to the cry of the poor.” (source)

#2 OMG Socialism

“Just as the commandment ‘Thou shalt not kill’ sets a clear limit in order to safeguard the value of human life, today we also have to say ‘thou shalt not’ to an economy of exclusion and inequality. Such an economy kills.”

#1 He wants the church to be… beaten?

“I prefer a church which is bruised, hurting and dirty because it has been out on the streets, rather than a church which is unhealthy from being confined and from clinging to its own security.”



I always thought the Mayan’s were a crazy bunch of tribal pagans, but it looks like they might have gotten something almost right. Turns out it wasn’t 2012 that the world was ending…. it was 2013. Welcome to the end, people.

How Oprah Winfrey lost her way to the liberal agenda

Oprah Winfrey should be a conservative. She would make an awesome conservative. That is why it is so disappointing that she has strayed.

Think about it. She has defied all odds, choosing the path of color-blindness, as she has ignored the limitations of her own skin color. She has come from poverty, and yet has become the most powerful woman in the world.

She didn’t just pick herself up from her bootstraps; she threw those old raggedy shoes away and put on some fresh Christian Louboutin’s. She defines capitalist truths with her unwavering faith in the invisible hand, which has touched her in a way that no other hand could.

With her faith in God and in the free-market, Oprah has gained more fiscal success than any female currently in the world. You would think this puts her in the perfect position to be a symbol and a herald for conservative Godly free-market success!

Oprah Winfrey's evil socialist tendenciesAnd yet… amidst all that God has done for her financially, blessing her immeasurably, she has chosen to defy His love, and support the work of former-evangelical mega-church pastor and socialist Rob Bell.

Who is Rob Bell? Bell is the author of multiple books, most notably, Love Wins, where he unapologetically dismisses the truth of a wrathful, judgmental, and hateful God for a generous and all-loving God who would never send a person to burn in Hell consciously for eternity, let alone billions of people.

“No-Hell Bell” outright dismisses the Biblical truth of Hell in his work, as I’m sure he will in his soon-to-air interview with Oprah.

This dismissal of God’s Word isn’t the only frightening and shamefully liberal move Bell has made in his ministry career. His former church, Mars Hill Bible Church, is known to promote socialist dogma to their 10,000 member community.

A couple of years back, “No-Hell Bell” launched The White Bucket Project, which according to their website “is based on the idea that within our community, one person may have more than enough, while at the same time somebody else has so much need they can’t see their way out.”

That’s not just liberal bias… that’s full-fledged socialism! That quote from their website sounds might as well be Karl Marx’s famous saying, “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.”

This general statement gets even worse when the actual redistribution of services, wealth, and time is further detailed. The White Bucket team is “currently looking for individuals who could serve as benevolence advisors, or offer pro-bono acts of service, such as car repair, dental or vision care, and legal advice, on an as needed basis.”

Somehow, Bell has managed to manipulate even Oprah–the ideal icon of capitalist success–into believing in generosity, inclusivity, and equality.

So beware my fellow Bible-believing, gun-toting, tax denying, climate-change deniers: the Devil’s Got both Oprah and Bell, don’t let him get you too!

Mitt Romney was right about all you deadbeat losers.

Deadbeat Loser Graph

Mitt Romney has gotten a lot of flack about saying 47% of the people are pathetic losers. Well, he was right. In fact, according to some estimates 96% of you are deadbeat leeches and should just go F yourselves. Deal with it.

The above graph makes it clear that many of you who claim to be good conservatives living the American Way are actually low-life scum sucking off the government teat. Look at the huge percentage of people who claim to be do-it-yourself, hard-working Americans who actually secretly are taking money from communist programs like the “Home Mortgage Interest Deduction.” See how many people claim that they are responsible for their own success while underhandedly sucking money from the system through student loans and lifetime learning tax credits. Losers! Traitors! Scum!

I know it’s not a popular thing to say in an election year, but Real Conservatives will be behind this.  In fact, when Kenyan Muslim Socialist Barack Obama wins the upcoming election, I predict that all of our great leaders, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, and Jesus Christ, will go on local radio stations across the country to agree with that we at Liberal Bias are stating here and now: the reason Obama won is because most Americans have devolved into losers who Ronald Reagan and the other Founding Fathers would be ashamed of.

Are you one of those sickening lowlifes who uses a mortgage interest deduction in your taxes? Deadbeat lowlife slug!

Does your employer make a tax-free contribution to your health-insurance plan? You are nothing more than a festering gob, you tit! Your type makes me puke!

A real conservative doesn’t take socialist tax deductions. That’s for poor people and racial minorities. If you take a single deduction on your taxes then Mitt Romney will see you with his All-Seeing Eye and know that you are a simpering whining leech sucking life and other vital fluids from the virtuous wealthy people that made this country great. And you’re probably part foreign, to boot.

So suck it up and deal. Real conservatives know that not only welfare and food stamps, but also mortgage deductions, student loans, and Veteran’s benefits are all for WEAK PUSSIES.


Anybody who tells you anything differently is just suffering from liberal bias!!!


Graph Data Source: Social and governmental issues and participation study, 2008
Graph Found Vial: The Century Foundation

The book of Mormon has a liberal bias!

Liberal Cult.

Liberal Cult.

To add to the long list of facts proving that Mitt Romney is not a real conservative, we now have evidence that the Book of Mormon itself is tainted with the stain of liberal bias!!!!

According to this tip that we found on the Radamisto Blog, there are several sections of the Book of Mormon that promote socialist and communist values.

In the 4th Book of Nephi, chapter 1, verse 3:

AND it came to pass that the thirty and fourth year passed away, and also the thirty and fifth, and behold the disciples of Jesus had formed a church of Christ in all the lands round about… And they had all things common among them; therefore there were not rich and poor, bond and free, but they were all made free.

Prophet Joseph Smith himself on April 26, 1832 in Doctrine & Covenants, Section 82, verse 17:

You are to be “equal, or in other words, you are to have equal claims on the properties, for the benefit of managing the concerns of your stewardships, every man according to his wants and his needs, inasmuch as his wants are just…

So basically, in 1832  Joseph Smith wrote the original version of Karl Marx’s “to each according to his needs” slogan of communism… which Marx wrote in 1875!

That’s right Karl Marx copied from Granddaddy Of Communism Joseph Smith!!

Finally, the Book of Mosiah, chapter 4, verses 17-18:

Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just. But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

This is obviously contrary to conservative values, since every good conservative knows that poverty is God’s punishment for being a bad person.

Clearly, the Book of Mormon is a deeply communist book of liberalism. We have added the appropriate speech bubble, above, to signify this fact.

Happy Communism Day

Happy Communist Day, Liberals.

Happy Communist Day, Liberals.

Happy Communism Day, Liberals.  Today is your day to party… to Communist Party, that is.

Labor Day was started in this country like 100 years ago when some Union Thugs were acting up, striking and rioting and generally being ungrateful to the job creators who so kindly allowed them to be alive. So these Union Terrorists basically got themselves in some trouble and some of them died or whatever, and so the wimpy liberal government at the time decided to “honor” them by declaring a day to celebrate “workers” and the so-called “labor movement.” What a bunch of hogwash.

So basically it’s a leftist, socialist anti-success holiday.  It perpetuates corrupting liberal values.  Republicans getting banned from parades.  People not being allowed to wear white.  NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR WHITE. See how racist liberals try to control every aspect of your life?

If you are a union thug, you probably like Labor Day. Well, you know who else probably liked Labor Day?  Hitler.  Think about that.

So today, if you want to be a Real American, try celebrating “Labor Day” by being thankful that there are sweet, kind, generous rich people out there who care enough about your “Labor” to give you a little money once in a while.

That’s the true Conservative Way.



Federal Spending Makes Red States Look Bad!

Red State Socialism

Conservatives are opposed to federal spending, welfare, socialism, and other words that mean all the same thing. Again and again we have heard Republican governors say that they will refuse federal aid, that they will not ask for ear-marks or dole-outs or pig-ears.
Then how is it possible that an overwhelming majority of states that suck from the federal teat are “red states” while an overwhelming majority of states that pay more than their fair share are run by Democrats? Isn’t that exactly the opposite of what it should be?


There is only one explanation. There is a conspiracy afoot. The federal government has been forcing money on these poor states, even though they obviously don’t want it! Federal spending is part of a sinister plot to make conservatives look bad by forcing them to just spend, and spend, and spend money that they don’t have like socialist lazy “urban poor” kids that know how to run really fast.  That’s right I said it!

These numbers can only be interpreted in one way…. liberal bias!!!!

Source: data from and, graphic produced by Michael Pinto
Via: The Centrist Word