THREE FACTS that prove corporations matter more than you do

Corporations are not only people, they are GREAT people. They are AWESOME people. They contribute to society in a positive way, unlike poor people and Democrats. Conservatives shouldn’t shy away from this basic fact. It’s a core part of conservative ideology, and there is nothing wrong with it: corporations matter, people who are not corporations…. not so much.

In celebration of the awesomeness of corporate persons, we present to you three¬† special examples that demonstrate the fact that corporations aren’t just people…. they are a higher quality of person than you are.

Corporations matter more than you

Example #1: When a corporation kills an employee by deliberately not following safety guidelines, it’s a misdemeanor. When an employee embezzles money from a company, it’s a felony.


Example #2: The maximum penalty for an individual using insider trading to steal from a corporation is $5 million and 20 years in prison. The maximum penalty for a corporation allowing safety violations that seriously endanger the lives of its employees: $7,000.


Example #3: The minimum penalty for a person who fails to obey a cease-and-desist order issued by a corporation: 6 months in prison. The minimum penalty for a corporation that kills an employee through negligence: nothing… OSHA does not require any minimum penalties.