Invest in global warming

Reclaiming Language for the Right!

This article is part of a series that explores the ways that conservatives can “take back” some of the phrases that Democrats have been using to push the liberal agenda. Check out the whole series.

Social Justice
Invest in Change

It’s a beautiful 72 degrees here in San Diego. The sky is a rich blue that blankets over every direction, and the suns rays are dancing off every object that moves by my office window. It couldn’t get much better than this, and to be honest with you, it rarely does – it’s always this perfect!

With weather like this I just can’t understand why the so-called “science loving liberals” think the world is ending because of global warming!?

Supporters of climate change were in full attack mode as they found out another one of their “theories” (just like the theory of evolution) was drowning at sea as the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change met in Sweden a few days ago to discuss the latest climate findings.

Their conclusion: Earth’s surface temperature has remained pretty much the same for the past 15 years. Take that, environmentalists.

Global Warming? Nuh uh!

But if for some reason these recent findings aren’t correct, if the many many reports on Fox News are wrong, if somehow the 97 percent of environmental experts and peer-reviewed climate studies affirming the rapid global warming over the past 60 years are actually correct, and if it is true that 97 percent of native forests are destroyed, and if it is true that 200 species are driven extinct each and every day, and if it is true that in 1986 the human population reached Earth’s carrying capacity, and if it is true that we have overexploited fisheries, overgrazed pastures, destroyed ecosystems, polluted our oceans and intoxicated the atmosphere…..

…then why don’t we simply embrace, and invest in, the change?

Liberals complain that global warming would raise sea levels and put much of our land underwater. But we don’t need the land or the soil we walk on today! With enough spending, research, and product development we as the human race could live on top of the water! Walmart, hospitals, office buildings, suburbs, dog parks, universities, hair salons, and every other imaginable space needed for life could be built above water. We can create habitats for animals, grow food from engineered seeds, and even have an entire season of water-sport Olympics!

Liberals complain the global warming would lead to mass extinctions of large numbers of animal species. But we don’t need all of these extra animals hanging around. With more spending and research, we could discover exactly which animals are actually important, we can focus on just saving those animals, for example in small refrigerated coolers. Or, we could simply build animal robots to replace them.

Finally, liberals complain that global warming could lead to deaths from heat stroke and other heat-related health problems. But this is a ridiculous argument, since we invented air conditioning a long time ago. If Barack Hussein Obama just took his boot off the necks of businesses and freed them from unnecessary regulations, then I’m sure the prices of air conditioners would drop enough for poor people to afford them, too.

All it takes is believing in the American spirit of innovation!


Climate change is obviously false BUT JUST IN CASE IT ISN’T …. Barrack Hussein Obama needs to get his greedy hands off the tech-industries so that we can invest in a new, globally-warmed future!

Social justice for Christmas

It’s that time of year again: time to start fighting against the war on Christmas! And this year, we will fight against liberals by spreading social justice!

Now, I know what you are thinking: “social justice” is something that Christmas-hating-progressives rant about. But believe it or not, there is a way to do social justice the right way!

Reclaiming Language for the Right!

This article is part of a series that explores the ways that conservatives can “take back” some of the phrases that Democrats have been using to push the liberal agenda. Check out the whole series.

Social Justice
Invest in Change

In the God-breathed Bible, we read in the Gospel accounts that Jesus preached justice, he worked for justice, and he embodied justice. As followers of Jesus, it is vital that we demand justice in the face of heinous bigotry, most especially the War on Christmas.

How? Here are 4 tangible ways to combat the war on Christmas with Jesus-like justice:

  1. Statistically speaking, America has the highest incarceration rate and the largest total prison population in the entire world. How can we help these inmates?
    Drop off buckets of “Keep the Christ in Christmas” buttons! Just like our suburban neighbors, these prisoners deserve to know that Jesus…. not Rachel Maddow and her crazy anti-Christmas rants… is the reason for the season!
  2. Studies show that of all industrialized nations, America is the most obese.  This just gives you the perfect opportunity!
    Hand out Christian leaflets at your local fast food restaurant! As those fat parents bring in their fat children, hand them a booklet of love, remind them that Christ was born and can save them from their obesity through God’s all-mighty power. Before they can shove another nugget into their floppy mouths, hand them a tract of Christmas love.
  3. The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the world. Sadly it’s this time of year that many young women whore themselves out to get pregnant. We as pro-life Christians should come to their assistance, out of love for justice. How shall we do that?
    Show up in the hospital dressed as Jesus and yell at them for being whores. There are few greater ways to convert the lost than to literally bring them before the judgment of Jesus.
  4. Americans take more prescription drugs than any other developed nation in the world. We all know its because the liberal agenda causes depression. With great pain I’m sure you understand that many American’s rely on pills rather than the power of prayer to fight the Devils left-wing depression-causing attacks. So what can you do to spread Christ’s justice in the world?
    Wish every single person you meet “Merry Christmas!” How healing it is when we offer the verbal blessing of Christmas to people! Much better than liberal “healthcare”. We are able to speak Biblical truth and witness to our cashiers, barista’s, lawyers, house-maids, and baby sitters all with a simple “Merry Christmas!”

This year, as Santa tumbles down your chimney, be sure not to let the demonic religions that the left wing anti-American’s promote take over! Fight back with the power of the justice of Jesus Christ… with buttons, flyers for fat people, yelling at whores, and of course wishing a joyous Merry Christmas to all!

Santa bringing justice to the heathens.
Santa bringing justice to the heathens.