Ep 7: Ted Cruz will BREAK THE LAW if he runs for President in 2016

2016 ELECTION ALERT! 2016 ELECTION ALERT! Zach Heltzel has uncovered exclusive facts showing that Ted Cruz’s bid to be the GOP Presidential Candidate in 2016 is actually illegal, unconstitutional, immoral, and possibly a violation of reptilian animal rights.

KEY POINTS IN THIS VIDEO:

0:14 – he asserts that Ted Cruz is NOT AMERICAN, because: birth certificate
0:50 – he exposes Ted Cruz’s ties to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1:10 – he reveals how Cruz will increase the threat of an attack by a CLONE ARMY
1:36 – he questions Ted Cruz’s photoshop skills
2:20 – he proves that Ted Cruz secretly supports Obamacare a.k.a. socialism
2:33 – he examines salacious and damning ties between Cruz and Justin Bieber
2:42 – he gives away a MAJOR SPOILER for Game of Thrones

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Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WhaFl3utHQ

The Gospel according to Cruz

Pastor Rafael Cruz, father of the honorable and blessed Ted Cruz, has been patiently explaining how the word of God applies to modern life. Unfortunately, the liberal media machine has been outright mocking him for some of his greatest Biblical insights, like these:

“Go to Genesis chapter nine and you will find the death penalty clearly stated in Genesis chapter nine … God ordains the death penalty!”

“Evolution is one of the strongest tools of Marxism because if they can convince you that you came from a monkey, it’s much easier to convince you that God does not exist.”

“God has given you an anointing to go to the battlefield. And what’s the battlefield? The marketplace. To go to the marketplace and occupy the land. To go to the marketplace and take dominion.”

“Socialism requires that government becomes your God. That’s why they have to destroy your concept of God. They have to destroy all your loyalties except loyalty to the government.”

“When there are no moral absolutes, [this] leads us to sexual immorality, leads us to sexual abuse, leads us to perversion and, of course, no hope.”

Now, Rafael Cruz obviously knows exactly what God meant to say in the Bible. The language of the Bible is crystal clear. WHO COULD POSSIBLY INTERPRET IT DIFFERENTLY??

But, just in case some of you still aren’t clear, I think it’s time to just put Rafael Cruz’s interpretation right in there, in the Bible, with everything else: The Gospel of Pastor Rafael Cruz.

The Gospel of Pastor Rafael Cruz
It’s in fancy lettering. That’s how you know it’s Biblical and authentic.

There you have it! I can’t decide whether this particular part of the Bible should be inserted before or after the part about not eating rare steak (Genesis 9:28)… but I’m sure it will fit in there somewhere!