Will of the people, or stupid sheeple? How to tell the difference.

We still don’t know exactly how many people participated nationally in the #HandsUpWalkout protests on Monday. Although it’s clear that a very large number of people participated in dozens of cities across the country, we may never have completely reliable number estimates.

But if you are a good conservative, you know that these protests don’t represent the “will of the American people”. Far from it: these protests represent slackers and good-for-nothing sheeple who have been brainwashed. We can see this response very clearly from Conservative Twitter:


You see? Even if there were a million billion of these protesters, we know that their voices don’t represent the “will of the people”. How do we know? Because we are conservatives. And conservatives just know.

You can see the same thing with a number of different issues. For example, the Tax Day Tea Party protests in 2009 gathered an estimated 311,460 attendees. That was clearly the will of the people making itself heard. The People’s Climate March in New York City this year, on the other hand, was estimated at 311,000 participants… but those were just deluded misguided hippies who were brainwashed by communists.

This is also why real conservatives don’t get very bothered when elections don’t go their way. You see, conservatives just know whether the right people voted or not. 69.4 million people voted for Obama in 2008? Well, some of them were racist, others were brainwashed, others were just stupid college kids (what do they know?)… but that 69.4 million was clearly not the will of the people.

On the other hand, 22.5 million voted for Republicans in the 2014 midterm elections… now that obviously represents a mandate. That’s the Voice of the American People, loud and clear! How can anybody deny it?

The same goes for polling numbers. 70% of the population supports Voter ID laws, which makes about 223 million people in the grand total. How wise! How sensible! Anyone who opposes it is clearly not listening to the wishes of AMERICA!

On the other hand, the 91% of the population who supports increased background checks for buying guns…. well, that’s just stupid. Those people are stupid. Don’t listen to them.

The difference is very clear, and very obvious… when you’re a conservative!

Please refer to this handy chart:

The will of the people? Or just brainwashed communists? Use this handy chart to decide.
The will of the people? Or just brainwashed communists? Use this handy chart to decide.

FLOWCHART: How to do good police work, Ferguson-style

Ferguson-approved police work flowchartThat actions of the Ferguson police department over the last two weeks have shown us, if nothing else, that you really can completely militarize a civilian area in the United States and lock down American citizens, and get at least a portion of people on your side. It seems like it should be a PR nightmare… and to an extent it is.

But the above handy-dandy flow-chart will guide you through the step-by-step process of making sure that you can always find excused and places to put the blame. So we present to you: How to do good police work, Ferguson-style!

(A process vetted and approved by the Ferguson PD in 2014!)

Inverted Corporation People are the luckiest people in the world!

TDE Inverted Corporations Are The Most Awesome People In The World

As a people, corporations have never had it so good! Profits are at record highs. Corporate taxes are at record lows. Thanks to Citizens United, it’s easier than ever to buy as many politicians as judges as you want. People who are corporations are doing great in the United States. And guess what? The United States will treat you even better, as a corporate person, if you renounce your American citizenship!

That right: it’s called corporate tax inversion. If you become an Inverted Corporation Person–by becoming a citizen of Paraguay, for example–life is so much easier than it is for a mere human person. You get to f**k Uncle Sam as hard and as often as you want, and, as Forbes points out, you also f**k the whole US economy too. Best of all, Republicans and Fox News cheer you all the way. (Please note: If you’re a non-corporate person from Paraguay, don’t expect the same warm welcome from the GOP and Fox as they give a corporate person.)

Things, however, are not so good for non-corporate persons, also known as humans.

In this case, if you’re not a citizen, Republicans won’t applaud you, they’ll vote to deport you. If you’re an American woman, please don’t start roaring until you’ve discussed your sex life and your choice of your birth control with your boss. If you’re gay, don’t be surprised if you’re refused service in certain non-religious, profit-making establishments (but only for loving, religious reasons, NEVER because of hateful bigotry). If you’re in Detroit, and behind in your water payments, expect your water to be shut off (unless you’re a corporation that owes tens of thousands, that is… because water is still a human right for corporations.) And if you’re black in certain localities, you might have a hard time being treated as a human at all.

This November, corporations and humans will again battle for control of the House and Senate. Vote if you like. Alternatively, you could always try to incorporate yourself and register as a Cayman Islands entity.

Ep 9: Conservative quotes proving that racism is totally over in America

With illegal immigration in the news, a lot of liberals are accusing conservatives of being racist. But as you probably know, racism is over in America. Nobody is really racist any more. We have collected a montage of quotes from prominent conservatives that prove that nobody is racist, racism against blacks is over, and the fact that we really hate those dirty, scummy lazy illegal Mexican people has absolutely nothing to do with racism.

The Montage starts 41 seconds in, and includes quotes from all of your favorite conservative spokespeople: Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mitt Romney, Michael Savage, Ted Nugent, Ann Coulter, Cliven Bundy, Eric Bolling, and the whole gang over at Fox Five!

Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes of Heltzel’s View.

Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hDZLfArM_c

Ep 4: There is no such thing as white privilege: every argument ever made

What is “white privilege”, really? In this PSA, Zach Heltzel shares every single argument any white person ever made for why there is NO SUCH THING as “white privilege”.

In only two and a half minutes, Zach covers such topics as: 1) white people don’t FEEL privileged, and sometimes feel sad. 2) Life is hard on everyone, which is just too bad. 3) Reverse racism and the fact that there are some things black people can do that white people cannot. And finally, 4) When you tell white people that they have white privilege, well that’s just so darn mean.

So take this journey with Zach Heltzel and learn from this really, really REALLY white guy the reason that “white privilege” is a myth.

Does this video leave out any of the really, really good arguments that YOU have heard about why “white privilege” just doesn’t exist? Share it with us in the comments below!

Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes of Heltzel’s View.

Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToeOuCleQC8

Cliven Bundy and Donald Sterling: REAL conservative Hope and Change!

Cliven Bundy is the hope and change we have been waiting for.
Cliven Bundy is the hope and change we have been waiting for.

It has not been a good week for white male job creators. Beloved overnight conservative icon Cliven Bundy, who managed to evade paying over a million dollars in owed fees to the federal government, alienated his supporters in one fell swoop by asking if “the Negro” were “better off as slaves“. Two days later, a leaked audio recording of Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling revealed that he asked his mistress to “stop bringing black people to games.”  To quote comedian Patton Oswalt, it was “quite a week for racism.”

But that is also why it was a GREAT WEEK FOR AMERICAN CONSERVATISM!

Why? Because we can finally prove the point we conservatives have been making over and over again: racism has been over for a very long time in America! Sure, Cliven Bundy and Donald Sterling are racists, but look at how everybody has reacted to them. Conservatives like Bill O’Reilly on Fox News has torn into Cliven Bundy and called his racist remarks ignorant, disgusting and deplorable. Liberals, of course, have predictably gone completely ballistic, as well.

If people on both sides of the media are all condemning this guy’s remarks, what does that tell you? Well, it tells you what conservatives have been saying all along: racism is over in America!

Sure, there are a few individual weirdos and isolated cases here and there. But they are not really political. After all, Donald Sterling made political donations to Democrats over the years, just proving the point that there is no difference between liberals and conservatives on this issue.

LET’S MAKE THIS ABSOLUTELY CLEAR:  Yes, it is conservative politicians like Rand Paul who are against the Civil Rights act; Yes, it is conservative politicians like Paul Ryan who think that the biggest problem in America is “lazy inner city people“; and yes, it is conservative politicians who are systematically trying to restrict voting hours in districts with higher minority voters.

But none of that matters… because some racists are liberals, and some racists are conservatives, and as we just saw last week: the media hates them both the same.

Everything is the same. Racism is solved.

Thank you, American heros Cliven Bundy and Donald Sterling, for helping us to see this so clearly.

Now if only Kenyan Muslim racist Marxist Obama, who has been traveling to Malaysia on a secret racist mission with foreigners and trying to use Obamacare to destroy the birthrights of white men, would only do the right thing and ADMIT that racism is completely over in America…. well, we would all be better off.

10 best signs I saw at the White Man March

White Man March: MT GOX stole my bitcoins

If you are a white Christian, you may have noticed that you are living in constant fear as your rights are being stripped from you by gays, atheists, and racial minorities who seek to discriminate against you.

Really pathetic white people
This sign is not satire and was not created for comedy purposes. This is an actual sign made by some very angry white people.

This is why American patriot Kyle Hunt organized the White Man March, “an international day for independent pro-White activism,” which took place around the country on Saturday, March 15, 2014.

According to some reports, this world-wide event drew as many as tens of people.

One of the cities where the White Man March occurred was Tempe, Arizona, just a short drive away from where I live. Like any good liberty loving freedom fighter, I attended the event to see what all the fuss was about.

If you could not attend your local White Man March, I made sure to take a lot of pictures. Unsurprisingly, most of the attendees would not give me permission to take their picture because the NSA is out to get them. Otherwise, I would show you my favorite sign of the event, which said “There are too many women in comedy!”

….but these ten signs are almost as good:

White Man March sign: monkeys are brown
Monkeys are brown. White people are not brown. It’s just logic.
White Man March Sign: white people freed the slaves
White people freed the slaves. Therefore, all white people are not racist. QED.


White man march signs: if you call me a bigot then you are a bigot
I know you are but what am I. One of the most respected philosophical arguments of all time.
White Man March: I dont get Kevin Hart
Who does? Not white people, that’s for sure.


White man march sign: minority hair is thick and yucky
Equal rights is an abstract concept.


White man march sign: Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles
It’s not racism if you can point to a celebrity you don’t like.


White Man March sign: white men can jump
Can you think of ANYTHING MORE HURTFUL than this anti-white stereotype? I didn’t think so.


White Man March: Trayvon Martin smoked pot so could not have been murdered
Double threat.


White Man March: women get to have sex whenever they want how is that fair?
You may have noticed that some protesters have a difficult time keeping on-topic at protests. It’s a white person thing.


White Man March: MT GOX stole my bitcoins
Almost exclusively a white male problem.

Have you seen good #WhiteManMarchProtestSigns?  Let us know on Twitter and we may mention them here:



6 famous people who must have been white because they were so awesome

By now everyone has heard that Megyn Kelly said that Santa Claus, the 100% real North Pole resident that delivers gifts to kids around the world while undermining free market capitalism, is white. She then went on to add that Jesus Christ, the son of God, was also white.

This outraged a bunch of liberals,who claim that she is “wrong”… at least, about Jesus. But she was really just speaking the obvious and intuitive truth that all good conservatives know in their hearts and in their guts: all of the important people in history were white. It’s what we’ve been taught, and it’s just plain old obvious.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

1. Cleopatra

Cleopatra, best known for being the last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, remains a popular Western figure because as my cousin who lives in West Hollywood would say, she is “totes fab.”

And a few years ago, rumors circulated that homewrecker Angelina Jolie, who famously stole Brad Pitt away from America’s Sweetheart Jennifer Aniston, was going to play the role of Cleopatra. Now, why would Jennifer Aniston be playing someone who wasn’t white? That just doesn’t make sense.

2. Hannibal the Conquerer

If you Bing the words “Hannibal + black,” you will find lots of hilarious claims that Hannibal was black, when really he was Phoenician. I learned this in a history class in high school. I’m not really sure what “Phonecian” is, but it definitely isn’t “black”, because if it did mean “black” I’m sure my high school teacher would have mentioned that.

Anyway, I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, therefore I am also Phoenician, and I am white.

3. Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan was the head of the Mongol Empire for two decades in the thirteenth century. But did you know that Genghis Khan’s ancestry is actually from Turkey? Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean he was white, but in the 1956 film The Conqueror, Genghis Khan was portrayed by none other than John Wayne. He is just about the whitest actor who ever lived. Obviously, the good conservatives who cast him in this part must have known Genhis Khan was also white.

Genghis Kahn was white with blue eyes.

4. Frederick Douglass

Frederick Douglass was undoubtedly an accomplished man, and a key influence on why there is a Black History Month and only 11 White History Months. He was instrumental in not only ending slavery but also supporting women’s suffrage, and was the first African American nominated for Vice President of the United States.

Except… his father was white and his mother was black! And while he inherited the skin color of his mother, well, any good conservative and Tea Party American knows that it just must have been his white half that accomplished all those awesome things.

Mr. Peanut

5. Booker T. Washington

PBS says that Booker T. Washington was the most famous black man in America between 1895 and 1915. But like Douglass, his father was white. Plus, his mother was also half-white. On top of that, Booker T. Washington’s crowning achievement was discovering literally hundreds of uses for the peanut.

Now, just speaking culturally, and that’s what matters in these things, peanuts are… I mean, it doesn’t get any more white than that. Look at Mr. Peanut. Has there ever been a more clear image of whiteness?

6. Michael Jackson

In America, everything is about looks. And if you look white, you’re white. And not only did Michael Jackson look white, but Captain EO was just the bomb dot com. Something that cool is clearly an indication of whiteness.

Look, the logic here isn’t always consistent. But good conservatives, like Megyn Kelly, have always trusted instincts and guts more than logic and consistency.

So, in the end, it works like this. If you don’t look white, you can still be white as long as your father was white or you did something really cool in history so that white people look up to you and kick-ass white actors like John Wayne want to play you in a movie.

And that is why Megyn Kelly knows, in her heart, that all the AWESOME people have always been white.



Post Script: Of course by these standards, Barack Hussein Obama is NOT white, even though he was birthed by a white person and raised by white grandparents. He would be white if he had accomplished anything a good solid conservative would want to take credit for… but reforming a broken healthcare system, ending two wars, and striking a nuclear arms treaty with Russia? For shame. Any conservative will tell you, that’s not what a real white person would do.

#BENDOGZI is the scandal that will finally take down Obama

Obama's racist dog

A picture is worth 1000 words, but this one can be summed up in eight: Obama’s dog brutally maimed an adorable little girl. Obama’s dog brutally maimed an adorable little girl.


Barack Hussein Obama’s pet dog Sunny attacked Ashtyn Gardner, 2, a precious little ray of sunshine from Mobile, Alabama during a tour of the White House’s new “holiday” decorations, which really means that they were flaunting their war on Christmas.

While this shocking image did make the rounds, it was treated lightly by liberal rags such as USA Today, which alleged that “it’s unclear whether [she] lost her balance or if Sunny bumped her.” Looks to me like the corporate media is trying to cover up what really happened to protect its precious phony administration.

Forget about Benghazi, because this is even worse….. this is BENDOGZI!

Pardon my harsh language, but can you imagine the literal doodystorm that would be happening right now if this was a WHITE dog that did this to a BLACK girl? MSNBC would be calling for a legitimate President’s head! They are clearly giving Obama a pass because of reverse racism, the same way they gave Trayvon Martin a pass.

If it weren’t for intrepid reporters like me, the corporate media would never have revealed that Martin did weed and also pot, which means he must have been at fault! It’s just common sense.

Maybe this would have never happened if black dogs like Sunny had fathers that didn’t abandon them mere weeks after they were born, allowing for families like the Obamas to foster their violent, evil ways. Just saying.

Make your voice be heard, America. This needs to be the ONLY STORY that good conservatives talk about, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, between now and the next election. And the election after that.

This is worse than Katrina and Watergate and the Titanic all put together… this is BENDOGZI!

Talk radio discusses black marriage and racism

I think it’s fantastic when conservatives feel comfortable being blunt and honest about how tough it is to be a Christian. Here is a sample of a discussion that actually happened on talk radio earlier today.



Radio Caller: I’m really worried that these black activists are going to try to force my church to perform black marriages. Even though… I mean, I have nothing against black people. But it’s against my beliefs. But I’m being told that I’m a bad person for believing that.

Radio Host: You’re absolutely right. Well, this is the tactic that the left is using right now. They are trying to make Christians ashamed of their beliefs. If you believe that marriage is defined by Jesus, and so you happen to disagree with black marriage, for religious reasons… now all of a sudden you are bigoted. You are called a “racist”.

Radio Caller: That’s right. And that’s horrible, I’m not racist!

Radio Host: That’s right! Nobody wants to be called a racist or a bigot. It feels bad. It’s such a horrible thing to call someone. So that is the left’s strategy, they will start throwing out the word “racist”, when all you want to do is stop black people from getting married…. it’s really unfair. It’s an emotional manipulation that the liberals are doing to try to get their way. They are saying that just because you want to stop black marriages, that somehow that means you’re racist. It’s ridiculous!


(**NOTE: Since the word “gay” is so offensive, we have replaced the word “gay” in the above conversation with the word “black”. But, you know, the basic argument is the same.)

Ben Fergusan conservative talk radio host

White people murdering black people is usually justified in Stand Your Ground States

Justified self-defense, by race

Justified self-defense, by race

According to a review of homicide cases by John Roman, juries are 11 times more likely to call a murder “justified” when a white person kills a black person than when it’s the other way around.

Homicides committed by a white person are twice as likely to be considered justified in “Stand Your Ground” states as they are in states without “Stand Your Ground” language in their laws.

States with “Stand Your Ground” laws are actually less likely than non-SYG states to consider a black person shooting a  white person to be justified self-defense. Even though presumably some of those black people were also “standing their ground”.

What do all of these statistics mean? Of course, there are a couple of possible interpretations.

1) “Stand Your Ground” laws are applied and enforced in a racist way.

2) Those states that have “Stand Your Ground” laws contain terrible, mean, scary black people that are so much more violent and malicious than the black people in non-“Stand Your Ground” states that it just happens that the juries in the “Stand Your Ground” states have correctly assessed that the black-on-white crime in those states simply isn’t justified while the white-on-black crime usually is.


Well, if you’re a good conservative, it’s pretty clear which answer you’ll pick!


data source: FBI Supplemental Homocide Report
graph found via: The Atlantic Cities

GOP: “We don’t have to care about minorities, if we don’t want to!”

The following series of charts are from an in-depth study by Sean Trende designed to reassure conservatives that they can safely be racist assholes for many years to come, if they want to.

Trende’s three part analysis can be read in full: here, here, and here. But in case you don’t care that much, here is the quick summary:

  • “Racial Polarization Scenario”: Trende starts with a “baseline” scenario that he considers a “worst case” scenario for Republicans: minorities continue to reproduce, continue to vote, and continue to vote overwhelmingly for Democrats. Even in this situation, Trende shows that Republicans won’t become completely obsolete until 2044. WHEW!!!!!
  • “Modest Nonwhite Gains Scenario”: Trende then points out that if Republicans could simply do “some outreach” to minorities, they might pull off something amazing like getting 40% of Hispanics and Asians to vote for them! Never mind that this has never happened, ever. Never mind that the 40% number is completely arbitrary. It’s must be possible with “some outreach”, right? Of course, this aforementioned “outreach” would presumably not include publicizing 10-page long research essays focused entirely on why it’s OK for Republicans to not pay that much attention to minorities.
  • “Modest Nonwhite Gains / Slower Population Growth“: Then, Trende paints an even rosier picture: Suppose those pesky Hispanics stop reproducing so quickly! He makes this argument very plausible by writing the following very compelling sentence: “It seems at least somewhat inevitable that Hispanic population growth will slow somewhat.”  Well, that kind of reasoning should clearly be built into a mathematical model, by making up completely arbitrary numbers that “seem fine”, and this third table is the result: Republicans just keep on winning elections and drive the Democrat party to extinction! Partayyy!!!!
  • “The Full Rubio”: This last scenario is really the “last resort” scenario for Trende and the Republicans.  This is the “WHAT IF WE ACTUALLY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT MINORITIES???” scenario. According to Trende, if Republicans back immigration reform and a “Hispanic friendly” candidate (whatever that means), and if Hispanics also stop reproducing so gosh-darn much, then Republicans will do even better.  The best part of this graph is that Trende assumes that a full-on Latin-Loverboy Republican candidate will tick up Hispanic support for the Republican Party by 5% by 2048, whereas it will only depress White support fort he Republican Party by 3%.  Where do these numbers come from? Absolutely nowhere!!  And I will admit, they seem a little off. Is this underestimating the strength of xenophobia in the Republican base? Or, it is just assuming that most of today’s “Republican Base” might actually have died of old age by then?  It’s difficult to tell.
  • “The evolution of white and nonwhite races”: To be fair, this graph was not actually included in Sean Trende’s article. But it seems appropriate here. This is a chart published in 1939 by a researcher obsessed with racial differences and racial purity. It just seemed very natural to include this graph in a discussion of a 10+ page scholarly article that is focused entirely on justifying why it’s actually just fine for white people to ignore non-white people, if they really want to. That seems like a perfectly legitimate research angle for a party that wants to be taken seriously.


Nothing screams “priorities” or “efficiency” to the American people than spending all of your energy and intellectual efforts on proving that it isn’t “that bad” to continue not caring about people who aren’t white.


How to identify a terrorist (without liberal bias)

What to call a terrorist (without falling for liberal bias)

For the last week or so, Sean Hannity and Mark Levin have been talking on their radio programs about how terrible it is that police and news reporters are not using words like “Islamic” and “foreign” in every single sentence they utter in connection to the Boston Bombing. They have been blaming this on things like “political correctness” and “the unreasonable fear that some people might say you’re an asshole”.

This has created some confusion among good, honest, every-day conservatives who just aren’t entirely clear how they are supposed to identify terrorists and criminals who aren’t brown-skinned people. Do you blame it on their religion? Do you blame it on their country of original? You obviously can’t blame it on their race. What’s a person to do?

Thus, we here at LiberalBias.com have decided to provide you with this handy flow-chart to help put your mind at ease.  Using this chart, you will always be able to know how to talk about any person who commits a terrible crime.

What to call a terrorist (without falling for liberal bias)

If you would like to print out thousands of copies and hand them out as leaflets at your local elementary school, you can download the PDF version to print by clicking HERE.

Confederate History and Liberal Bias

Confederate History Month

In honor of Confederate History Month, today we present an educational article about terrible liberal bias that appears in the way modern politicians and educators talk about the Confederacy and Civil War.

Ray McBerry is a perfect example of how creeping liberalism has created a deliberate distortion of the true nature and philosophy of the Confederacy.

Ray McBerry, a vocal advocate of Confederate History Month, said in an interview with The Daily Beast that the Civil War was not really about slavery:

“It was about a federal government that was out of control and imposing its will on the states—a federal government that was acting beyond the scope of the Constitution. Ironically, some of the very issues we are debating today.”

This is something that we hear all the time: the Civil War was about States’ Rights. The Confederacy loved the Constitution and it was the north that was violating it.


It’s pretty clear what is going on here: conservatives have been bullied into being afraid of being called “racist” by liberals. Conservatives are therefore trying to distort and lie and whitewash the truth about the Confederacy in order to make it more “acceptable” to liberals.

What is the truth about the Confederacy?

We will let the words of the Vice President of the Confederacy, Alexander H. Stephens, in his 1861 Cornerstone Speech, speak for themselves:

Confederate History Month

That is the true philosophy of the Confederacy.

Do not let these modern apologists try to lie to you and say anything different, just because the liberals have scared them with the “R” word (“racist”).

Why you scared of your conservative Southern heritage, Ray?

Stand up and own it.

Running from the real meaning of the Confederacy, after all, could be seen as just another form of liberal bias!!!


American Family Association has a LIBERAL BIAS!

Tim Wildmon, American Family Association

Tim Wildmon, American Family Association

We, here at the official Liberal Bias Blog, have just received an email from the radical, ultra left-wing communist organization the “American Family Association.”

Some people think that this group is conservative, because they fight against people who are homosexuals and they use the word “God” a lot.

But this is part of a devious conspiratorial liberal plot to destroy conservatism from the inside. Their goal is to infiltrate the ranks of good, honest conservatives and then inject conservatives with liberal thought-fluids and ram the liberal agenda down our throats over and over again until we submit to their aggressive liberal FORCE….

But I digress.  As you can see from the above letter, they have given themselves away.  Notice that in the greeting of this email, they have addressed us as “Whitey”.  Now why, you might ask, would they do that?

Is it because they believe, as all real conservatives do, that anybody should feel honored to be called “Whitey” because after all, white people are the ones who have accomplished everything in history?

Or, is it part of a secret plot to destroy conservatives by making them APPEAR RACIST when in fact they are nothing of the sort?

That’s right, my friends. Do not doubt me on this. Clearly this group is a left-wing plant posing as conservative in order to make real conservatives look bad.

If you were to look inside the American Family Association… and I mean deep, deep inside… yes, that’s right…. deeper…. you would probably discover that they even love taxes.