The Obama economic recovery is the strongest in the world, according to liberal statistics

Thanks Obama for the strong economic recovery!

If you listen to conservative talk radio and Fox News, you know that our economy right now is TERRIBLE.  The economy originally started to tank in December of 2007, because of Barack Obama, and it has never fully recovered. On literally a daily basis, you can hear Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, and other conservative commentators referring to our current economy as “bleak”, and “stagnant”, and “horrific”, and “crashed”, and “dead”, and other words that all mean the same thing.

Naturally, whenever conservative commentators talk about how TERRIBLE the United States economy currently is, they never miss an opportunity to point out that the reason it is terrible is Barack Obama.

Yet somehow, liberally biased “statistics” tell a different story.  In fact, according to the graph above, the United States economy has recovered from the world-wide 2007-2008 recession more than any other country in the world, and the only country in the world that showed faster improvement (by marginal amounts) was Germany.

But how can this possibly be, when Obama has been the worst King of America since Satan was King of America in the year 2000 B.C.?

Obviously, these statistics must be wrong, and biased, and/or fabricated by the Illuminati.

The current U.S. economy is terrible, it is horrible, it is the worst economy ever… and if you think otherwise, you clearly just have a LIBERAL BIAS!!!!!!

How can the economy be good when some people hate their jobs, huh?

Data Source: Statistical Office of the European Communities; CEA calculations
Graph Source: AATTP.org

Sarah Palin’s brain damage and guaranteed 2016 presidential run

This past weekend, a video of Sarah Palin giving a speech started making its rounds on the internet, starting out on Crooks and Liars and eventually spreading to several other websites. Sarah Palin is known for giving speeches unburdened by grammatical limitations, but this excerpt seems extreme even for her.  You can watch the video or read the transcript below:

Partial transcript:

It is nice to be back in the mile-high city. I just think it’s absolutely beautiful flying in, you know, you’re over the snow-capped hills, I think you call them mountains, I’m from Alaska. So gorgeous yeah step off the plane. Todd reminds me we’re in Colorado don’t inhale. So the president was here last week too, huh, getting his rocky mountain high on busy week for him. Spinning from one scandal to another scandal must have had some vertigo. The middle east exploding in chaos and this time and the open border crisis no time to visit the border but time to shoot some pool and his whistle and grin real big for icky photo ops that he just really really hates and he raked in big bucks with big parties with fat cats, his term not my term, this in a border state, he was. The president he so disparages these cats in public but in private there’s a whole lotta cuddling and purring and tummy tickling with the one who feeds them.

Although many websites have mockingly wondered if she is drunk or high, we received a tip from a neurological expert that her speech precisely fits the symptoms of a neurological disorder called Wernicke’s Aphasia!!!

What is Wernicke’s Aphasia?

Wernicke’s Aphasia is a speech disorder that occurs when a person has damage to the posterior portion of the left side of the brain. This damage may be the result of a stroke or some kind of damage, such as what might result from accidentally driving a railroad spike through your own skull.

The Aphasia Center website describes the symptoms this way: “[A] person with this type of aphasia may have difficulty understanding what you are saying to him. While he may nod or socially act as though he understands, what he is hearing is often not what you are saying. Fluent speech means that he is speaking in extended sentences, although the content of those sentences may be full of neologisms and paraphasias. A neologism is made up word [and] aparaphasia can be when I mean to say “cook”, but instead I say “sook”, or “look”.”

The Aphasia.com website describes the syndrome like this: “You may have serious comprehension difficulties and be unable to grasp the meaning of spoken words. Yet you may be able to produce fluent, connected speech. What you say, however, is in most cases a series of meaningless words that sound like sentences, but don’t make sense, and you may not even realize that your speech is incorrect.”

These descriptions characterize a large number of Palin’s speeches over the years, but this latest video indicates that she may now be — deliberately? — manifesting the symptoms more strongly.

How does this impact Sarah Palin’s 2016 Presidential Run?

The Republican Party has a long history of trying to increase their appeal to a broader audience, not by actually changing any of their positions on issues, but by simply coming up with people who belong to different “minority” groups in hopes that it will get people to vote for them. Many believe that this was how Sarah Palin was chosen as a Vice Presidential candidate in the first place, although it also explains other Republican political choices as well (“Nine Nine Nine!!!”).

Could Sarah Palin’s speech this past weekend be Sarah Palin positioning herself for her run against Hilary Clinton in 2016?Could Sarah Palin be planning to outflank Hilary Clinton by being not only a woman… but a woman with a neurological disorder???

This could potentially create a very serious problem for Democrats in 2016. After all, if Democrats are faced with a choice between voting for a woman, and voting for a neurologically impaired woman, their bleeding-heart affirmative-action liberal ideology pretty much demands that they vote for the latter, right?

RIGHT????

 

What is a fiscal conservative?

There seems to be a lot of confusion about what the term “fiscal conservative” means these days. We have gathered some images and examples from recent news stories to help clear things up:

Rick Perry's Texas Militia are Fiscal Conservatives

A fiscal conservative says we can’t afford to improve our schools. And also spends millions of dollars to send people to stand at the border, even though they have no power to actually do anything once they get there.

Rolling Coal is something that fiscal conservatives do

A fiscal conservative says that the government wastes too much money and should be more efficient. And also modifies trucks so that they deliberately waste fuel and cause premature engine deterioration.

 

So, hopefully now you understand better what it means to be a “Fiscal Conservative”.

Can you think of other examples of what it means to be a “fiscal conservative”? Leave it in the comments, and we may add it as an image here!

Why Rush Limbaugh is never wrong, and will never be sued

Rush Limbaugh likes to tell people that he is right 99.7% of the time. He also isn’t embroiled in continual lawsuits for slander. Since he is known for dramatic and extremely partisan statements, for three hours a day every weekday for more than 20 years, you might wonder how that is possible.

Well, my friends, I can tell you. I listen to Rush Limbaugh every day, mainly because God told me to, and have conducted an extended and in-depth analysis of his rhetorical style. As a result, I have been able to divine his amazing secret, his astounding trick for being ALWAYS RIGHT!

That’s right: I know his secret. And I am ready to reveal this secret to you. When you know his trick, you too will be able to say whatever you want, without ever being wrong.

Are you ready?  Here’s the secret…

 


 

“I wouldn’t want to go out on a limb and speculate, but I will tell you this: you certainly couldn’t be criticized for believing that Obama is a rapist!”

Suppose you want to convey this controversial idea: Obama is a rapist.

That’s juicy, isn’t it? Because you are a giddy, excited right-wing conservative, you are just tickled and delighted by the thought of spreading this notion around.

But you can’t just …. say it. Then, someone might be able to claim that you are wrong. And it’s important that you never be wrong.

“I don’t know if you have noticed, but nobody has been denying that Obama is a rapist!”

So what you do, is you dress it up. You put the thing you want to say inside another statement… importantly, the other statement has to be something that is true. And you let innuendo and implication do the rest.

“People have been telling me Obama is a rapist.”

It’s all more or less a variation of the Fox News “some say” tactic of reporting, except Rush Limbaugh is so much better at it than Fox News. He would never be as crass as to simply say “Some say….” He always has something just slightly more clever than that.

“Now, I haven’t seen any proof that Obama is a rapist, but ask yourself this: Isn’t that consistent with the things you already know about him?”

Many of these strategies involve asking questions rather than making statements. If it’s just a question, then you can never accuse him of being “wrong”, because he never actually said anything.

Another good strategy is to divert the entire conversation to motivations and implications, so that the basic “fact” is never an assertion but just a pre-supposition of the statements you are making.

“Now, it’s only natural that Obama would not want people to think of him as a rapist. So we have to ask the question, what could Obama do in order to stop speculation like that from spreading through the press?”

Notice that there is nothing in the above statements that could be considered “false”. Pretty brilliant, huh?

Do not doubt me on this, my friends! I know of what I speak, and after decades of training and analysis, I can see the truth very clearly… and this is very clearly the brilliant, mastermind strategy employed by the great el-Rushbo.

You want to never be wrong about anything? You can do the same thing, too.

 


Rush Limbaugh

Obama says “Fuck You” to all Christians while fellating a Hitler statue

Obama giving the finger while giving oral sex to a statue of Hitler

I know what you’re thinking: “Ooooh, that title is so edgy and controversial!”

Or:  “Isn’t that title is going a bit too far?”

Or even: “I somewhat suspect that the title of this article might not be literally  true!”

NONSENSE!  And I will explain why.

 

We live in the social media age! Nobody really expects newspaper headlines to be literally true any more! How would that get pageviews? More importantly, how would that get people all riled up so that they will yell, and scream, and go out and vote for their team party in November?

Nuh uh. No way. Conservatives are used to headlines that everybody knows aren’t literally true. They are meant to be… suggestive. Impressionistic. Artistic, even!

I will give you two examples.

EXAMPLE 1: Obama says FUCK YOU to all Christians

On Monday, Obama signed an executive order is banning federal contractors from discriminating against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender employees. More important, however, that executive order contained nothing to allow for religion-based exemptions.

This means that if your company gets money from the federal government, then you cannot discriminate against gay or transgender people in your hiring or firing practices. Of course, if you are a devout religious company, you can still discriminate against gay and transgender people as much as you want… as long as you simply refuse to take money from the federal government.

Nobody is forcing you to take money from the federal government.

What is the headline over at Fox News?

Obama’s LGBT Executive Order ENDANGERS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY!!

You can read the whole article if you want, but here is a selection of some of the words and phrases that make an appearance: coercion, blackmail, bullies, forced compliance, and finally: “The Obama administration seems hell-bent on forcing Christians to assimilate to the militant LGBT agenda.”

And that’s just in mainstream conservative media… it doesn’t even begin to touch what you can find in the right-wing blogosphere. According to the headlines on social media, Obama isn’t just persecuting Christians, he is giving a big “FUCK YOU!” to every single Christian on the planet.

Now, conservatives don’t really believe that Obama is doing this.

They couldn’t possibly. That would be stupid. Conservatives aren’t stupid.

Therefore, they must just know that headlines aren’t meant to be taken literally.

 

EXAMPLE 2: While fellating a statue of Hitler

On Tuesday, a three-judge panel on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit has decided that the exact phrasing of the part of the Obamacare legislation that describes subsidies given to poor people stipulates that Obamacare exchange customers who are in exchanges established by the federal government, not a state, cannot legally be given subsidies.

This decision has no force of law… yet.  It was not announced by the full court. It will be appealed. And, a different appeals court has actually handed down the opposite decision on a similar case. All of this has to be sorted out before any action is taken.

So, the White House will, completely legally and in every other way according to the normal way things are done in America, continue to act as though nothing has been decided yet.

Why? Because nothing has been decided yet.

What is the headline over at the Daily Caller?

White House to IGNORE court ruling!

“The Obama administration will continue handing out Obamacare subsidies to federal exchange customers despite a federal court’s ruling Tuesday that the subsidies are illegal!”

OH. MY. GOD!!!   How dare that lawless Obama!  He’s refusing to immediately comply with a court’s sort-of decision! Has he no respect for separation of powers????

 

….Of course, anybody who actually reads these articles or researches the story at all knows full well that Obama is not “ignoring” a court ruling, and that the subsidies have not been determined to be “illegal” just yet. The case is still winding its way through the system.

But once again, conservatives know that headlines aren’t supposed to be taken literally, or factually. They are more like… an impressionistic painting.

Thus, you can convey the general truthiness of the event with the much more interesting headline saying that Obama is a FASCIST DICTATOR and he might as well BE FELLATING A STATUE OF HITLER.

 


 

Conservatives don’t really expect headlines to be literal. Headlines are more  of…. an art form.

To think otherwise would imply that conservatives are really, really stupid.

And conservatives aren’t that stupid.

…Right?

THREE FACTS that prove corporations matter more than you do

Corporations are not only people, they are GREAT people. They are AWESOME people. They contribute to society in a positive way, unlike poor people and Democrats. Conservatives shouldn’t shy away from this basic fact. It’s a core part of conservative ideology, and there is nothing wrong with it: corporations matter, people who are not corporations…. not so much.

In celebration of the awesomeness of corporate persons, we present to you three  special examples that demonstrate the fact that corporations aren’t just people…. they are a higher quality of person than you are.

Corporations matter more than you

Example #1: When a corporation kills an employee by deliberately not following safety guidelines, it’s a misdemeanor. When an employee embezzles money from a company, it’s a felony.

corporations-matter-more-than-you-01

Example #2: The maximum penalty for an individual using insider trading to steal from a corporation is $5 million and 20 years in prison. The maximum penalty for a corporation allowing safety violations that seriously endanger the lives of its employees: $7,000.

corporations-matter-more-than-you-02

Example #3: The minimum penalty for a person who fails to obey a cease-and-desist order issued by a corporation: 6 months in prison. The minimum penalty for a corporation that kills an employee through negligence: nothing… OSHA does not require any minimum penalties.

 

Five specific GOP predictions about Obamacare: TRUE OR FALSE?

Back before Obamacare was passed, good conservative Republicans made MANY DIRE PREDICTIONS about all of the things that would go wrong with Obamacare if it was made into law.

Well, most of Obamacare has now been implemented, so let’s see how accurate these predictions were! Specifically, the Commonwealth Fund has released the results of a new survey to find out what people’s real, true, actual experiences with Obamacare have been.

PREDICTION 1: Obamacare won’t really cover any new people!

Republicans were making the sensible prediction that all Obamacare would do is make lazy people even lazier by making the taxpayers pay for their insurance, but it would not actually insure more people.

Result:

Obamacare: Uninsured Rate Declines

(About 9.5 million adults gained new coverage, and that figure does not include children.)

PREDICTION 2: The coverage provided by Obamacare will be worse!

Republicans predicted that people will be worse off with Obamacare plans than they were before, because Obamacare is socialist and socialism is always bad.

Result:

Obamacare: people are better off

(Fifty-eight percent of those who signed up for Obamacare — either for Medicaid or private insurance — said that they were better off than they were before than had their new insurance plan.)

PREDICTION 3: People will hate the Obamacare plans!

Republicans were frantically going around finding people who didn’t like their new Obamacare plans in order to prove that everyone hated it.

Result:

Obamacare: most people like their coverage

(78% of the people surveyed reported being satisfied with their new Obamacare insurance.)

PREDICTION 4: People signing up won’t even use the coverage!

Obamacare will be forcing people to buy coverage that they won’t even use!

Result:

Obamacare: most people have used their coverage

(Three out of five enrollees have used their new insurance — most were people who couldn’t afford care before.)

PREDICTION 5: Obamacare will cause long lines and wait times, nobody will be able to get appointments!

Just like in Canada, right!?!?

Result:

Obamacare: most people got appointments quickly

(More than a third were able to get appointments within a week, more than half were able to get appointments within two weeks.)

SO WHAT IS THE VERDICT?

The Republican predictions about the failure of Obamacare are…. well, just look at the graphs!

I think “Close Enough!” pretty much captures it, don’t you?

Michael Savage identifies three reasons to impeach Obama, and we have data to back it up!

Michael Savage is a guy with a radio show. He’s a true-blue conservative. He spent a full three hours on his show yesterday on the question: “Should Obama be impeached?” He came out with a very strong answer of yes, and he gave several very specific reasons why Obama should be impeached.

I was impressed. However, I felt sorry for Mister Savage because, being on a radio show, he couldn’t show data to back up and prove the points he was making.

So I have decided to do it for him here. I’m going to go through his list of things that Obama has done, according to Michael Savage, that are so terrible… so disastrous… so downright evil… that they merit bringing articles of impeachment against him.

Here we go.

“We have an out of control president who has plotted to break our borders down… If China took over this country, it could not do more harm to this country than [Obama] has done already. I stand by those words. They couldn’t have done it as fast as he’s done it. And that’s because of white guilt… So now he’s busted our borders wide open… without borders, there is no nation.”

This is true: illegal immigration is worse than ever before, and has gotten dramatically worse under Obama. Before Obama came around, illegal immigration was a minor problem, but Obama has just given up on enforcing the borders, and is letting people just come in willy-nilly. You can tell from these graphs:

Immigration

Deportations by Fiscal yearObviously you can see the dramatic change in immigration policy when Obama became president.


“The rockets are flying into Israel. Thank God the iron dome system that was given to Israel by the U.S., before we had a communist revolution, the iron dome system shot down all of the rockets fired by the Islamists, and Israel has countered with airstrikes against the Gaza strip, killing some of the vermin… The world is in pieces now. The most incompetent, duplicitous administration this country has ever seen, and I pray to God we can survive him, has wrecked the entire world.”

This is also true: There was never any conflict in the middle east before Obama was president. Certainly, the number of attacks on Israel has skyrocketed  since Obama took office, because Palestinians are emboldened by the fact that he’s a secret Muslim. Here is the data that proves it:

Terrorism against Israel has skyrocketed since Obama took office.

As you can see, from 2009 t0 2012, there has been an EXPLOSION of attacks on Israel that were clearly caused by Obama’s foreign policy.


“I predicted he would break the borders. And I’ll make another prediction, he’s going to go for your guns next. I make the prediction that he will go for the second amendment next. He’s gonna go for broke. He’s going to go to the wall on every last agenda item in the Communist manifesto. The Communist Party USA has disappeared, has gone underground and has come back up inside the Obama administration…. this is their agenda. Disarm the citizenry and then you can manipulate them any way you want.”

This is something that every gun owner in the United States knows to be true. But can we prove it with data? Well, of course we can’t prove a prediction until it happens.

But as one final dire warning, I can leave you with this very dramatic, very striking graph that should send chills down your spine:

Obama wants to come after your guns and here is proof

What July 4th means to me: the 2014 edition

Ronald Reagan gave a very famous speech at CPAC in 1974  in which he tells a story about the day the constitution was signed.  He gave another variation of the same speech in 1981, in a speech called “What July 4th Means To Me”. This is an excerpt:

The myth goes that on July 4, 1776, while sequestered behind locked doors, the Continental Congress of the 13 British Colonies, our Founding Fathers, were in hot debate on whether or not to sign the Declaration of Independence and break from Great Britain. Most of the men feared for their lives and their family’s lives, for if they were to sign such a document, they would be traitors to the crown, and would almost certainly be put to death if found.

As these men were debating the issue, and leaning toward NOT signing, a mysterious man arises from out of nowhere. Citing the grievances that had brought them to this moment he said, ‘Sign that parchment. They may turn every tree into a gallows, every home into a grave and yet the words of that parchment can never die. For the mechanic in his workshop, they will be words of hope, to the slave in the mines—freedom.’ And he added, ‘If my hands were freezing in death, I would sign that parchment with my last ounce of strength. Sign, sign if the next moment the noose is around your neck, sign even if the hall is ringing with the sound of headman’s axe, for that parchment will be the textbook of freedom, the bible of the rights of man forever.’

And then it is said he fell back exhausted. But 56 delegates, swept by his eloquence, signed the Declaration of Independence, a document destined to be as immortal as any work of man can be. And according to the story, when they turned to thank him for his timely oratory, he could not be found nor were there any who knew who he was or how he had come in or gone out through the locked and guarded doors.

Now, of course, it’s all complete bullshit. The story is lifted and paraphrased from Washington and His Generals: or, Legends of the Revolution by George Lippard, published in 1847. But it is very plainly a fiction.

For one thing, independence was declared on July 2nd, the text of the Declaration was approved on July 4th, but the document wasn’t signed until August 2, 1776.  Even on August 2, not everyone was available, so several people signed later, including Elbridge Gerry, Oliver Wolcott, Lewis Morris, Thomas McKean and Matthew Thornton.

In fact: There was never any mass signing. There was never any moment in time when every single signer of the Declaration of Independence was in the same room at the same time. The above story could not ever have taken place, and certainly did not take place on July 4th, 1776.

But this kind of attention to factual detail has never mattered to real American Patriots.  What we like is a good story, right?

So, in honor of that tradition, and to celebrate July 4th 2014, we are please to present to you the revised, updated for a modern conservative era, 100% Liberal Bias Original ™ story of “What July 4th Means To Me” and the signing of the Declaration of Independence!

 


 

It was a dark and stormy night on July 4th, in the year 1776.  Our founding fathers, including George Washington, John Calvin, Ronald Reagan, and Jesus, were hanging out in a bar, because they were regular, down-to-earth Americans. They all carried shotguns, of course, which they had visibly displayed in their holsters so that any bad guys would see how strong and powerful they were and not cause any trouble.

And John Calvin said, “I won’t want to sign this, because it doesn’t have a bit that says anyone who even thinks about having an abortion will go directly to hell where she will be raped by the spawn of Beelzebub. I think that should be in this fine document before I sign it.”

And Ronald Reagan said, “I don’t want to sign this, because it doesn’t explicitly outlaw all taxation on rich people. Everybody knows that only poors should pay taxes. That’s what this whole war against the British was really about!”

And Jesus said, “I don’t want to sign this, because it doesn’t say that slavery is a God-given right that can never be taken away by any amendment, and black people can never ever vote no matter what! I don’t think I can support a document that could possibly be amended to allow black people to vote!”

So as they were wavering, the arch angel Moroni appeared riding a golden SUV. He was beautiful and muscular and the image of Republican manliness (no homo). And he said unto the founding fathers:

“DON’T BE RIDICULOUS!  We live in a totally Christian Nation, which means that we naturally would never, ever allow women to make reproductive decisions, tax rich people, or let black people vote! THAT WOULD BE SO STUPID! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

And all of the Founding Fathers laughed with the angel, because they saw that it WAS stupid. And thus they agreed to sign, even though it is very obvious that they held these additional values in their hearts and nobody could possibly ever question it.

And that is how it really truly actually happened on July 4th, 1776. As you can see this means that today’s American Conservatives are exactly in line with what the really true and not made up at all founding fathers (no homo) actually wanted from our country.

Amen.

Ronald Reagan Riding a Velociraptor by SharpWriter
Ronald Reagan Riding a Velociraptor by SharpWriter

SHOCKING: Weird climate change poll suggests that money matters to people.

Liberals have been trumpeting a recent poll result that suggests people are willing to pay more for their energy bills in order to fight global warming a.k.a. climate change.

“By an almost two-to-one margin, 62 percent to 33 percent, Americans say they would pay more for energy if it would mean a reduction in pollution from carbon emissions,” says the Bloomberg National Poll website.

This goes against the headlines from 2012, where a Huffington Post poll said that 54% would be unwilling to pay more to fight climate change, compared to only 20% who said they would be willing.

Has the American population shifted its opinion THAT DRAMATICALLY in less than two years?

(the answer is below the image… can you guess it before you scroll down?)

Climate change poll results depend on exactly what the question asks.
Climate change poll results depend on exactly what the question asks.

No, it hasn’t. In fact, there is no evidence that the American people have changed their opinions on this issue at all. This is something that gets us really, really mad here at Liberal Bias because it involves biased reporting about NUMBERS AND STATISTICS, and unfortunately in this case it is not tied to one side of the partisan divide or the other. Both liberals and conservatives have mis-reported this result.

The difference is in the details of the questions on the surveys.

The 2012 survey asked: “If it meant we could stop climate change, would you personally be willing to pay 50 percent more on your gas and electricity bills?” (emphasis added).

The 2014 survey asked: “What if that significantly lowered greenhouse gases but raised your monthly energy expenses by 20 dollars a month – in that case do you think the government should or should not limit the release of greenhouse gases?” (emphasis added).

CONCLUSION:

So the first survey did not find “people unwilling to pay more”; it found “people unwilling to pay 50% more.”

The second survey did not find “people willing to pay more”; it found “people willing to pay $20 more.”

These two survey results, together, do not show that people’s opinions about climate change are “evolving”.  They merely show that the amount of money that people are asked to pay to fight climate change matters.

Shocking result, right?

 


 

Now, let’s talk about liberal bias.  For dedicated Tea Partiers and Conservatives, who live in a world where “unbiased” means “not liberal” and “fair and balanced” actually describes what Fox News does, the 2012 poll result represents the real truth, because “OMG FIGHTING GLOBAL WARMING WILL BE SO EXPENSIVE IT WILL CAUSE TOTAL ECONOMIC COLLAPSE!!!!1”

Obviously, asking people to pay a mere $20 more for climate change is unrealistic, right? We have to make the number big enough to seem scary.  If we don’t make regulation seem scary, well then that is just LIBERAL BIAS.

Do you agree?

 

What does a -2.9% annual GDP growth rate for Q1 2014 really mean?

Fox News Explains GDP Shrinking

The above picture, from Fox News, shows the correct way to report on the recent finding that the national gross domestic product (GDP) shrank by 2.9% (annualized) during the first quarter of 2014. Specifically, this picture is the correct way to report on this finding because it does not distract or confuse people with things like history, comparisons to prior examples, or too many data points.  Plus, you have a frowning unattractive man depicted next to the gigantic negative number: so you know that things must be bad!!!!!

Indeed, the frowning unattractive man also tells you what you should believe about the explanation of this number: “This is obviously a result of an administration, five years of policies… high taxation, high regulation, high spending and high debt.”

How could he possibly be wrong?

Now, some liberals out there will present this same information in a way that is clearly liberally biased. For example, they will show you this graph:

GDP changes by quarter over several years

The problem with this graph is that includes too much information, and it might confuse people. It could even lead to uncomfortable questions, like:

“If a -2.9% growth rate is obviously the fault of President Obama’s policies, then which of President Bush’s policies are to blame for the -8.1% growth rate in 2008?”

Or worse:

“If a -2.9% growth rate is a clear sign that all of liberal philosophy is a total failure, then does that mean that Bush was also completely incompetent and all of his economic philosophies are also total failures?”

Clearly, this kind of thinking simply will not do!

Liberals have also been disseminating this second graph, which shows that although GDP was unusually low in the first quarter of 2014, other economic measures were up. For example, in the following graph we see that the total aggregate hours worked by private-sector nonsupervisory workers 1.4 percent, which is usually associated with higher growth:

Real GDP vs Private Sector Jobs

Showing this graph clearly can cause a liberal bias, because it can lead people to believe that some aspects of the economy have been improving despite that fact that Obama is OMFG KENYAN MUSLIM SOCIALIST HITLER.

If you look carefully, you will see that the above graph includes three data points where the GDP value is just as bad or worse, but the jobs value is worse than the first quarter 2014: these are the points on the same level or below the red point on the vertical axis, but to the left of the red point.

These points all occurred under George Bush as well, once again leading to the question: were those points also “obviously a result of an administration” under George W. Bush of ridiculous economic, and domestic and foreign policy failures?

No, these types of graphs clearly are not what people should be seeing.

People need to be sheltered from the burden of getting too much information, and asking questions. Therefore we applaud Fox News for not falling into that trap. That, after all, is how numbers and statistics can lead to LIBERAL BIAS!!!!

 

Total Jobs has a liberal bias!

Attention all conservatives! The following is an important announcement concerning your Tweets, Facebook Status Updates, and blog comments.

DO NOT EVER talk about the “number of jobs” or in America. We have recently discovered that the total number of employees in the United States today is larger than ever before, even larger than it was right before the George Bush Obama Recession of 2008.

Total Jobs

So if you claim that “jobs have never fully recovered under Obama”… regrettably, the facts apparently do not agree.

And if you claim that “there are fewer people working under Obama”… as sad as it is, this turns out not to be a true statement.

Instead, please make sure you talk about things like “size of the labor force” and “underemployment”. These are awesome words because nobody knows exactly what they mean, and you get get into nit-picky arguments about how they are measured.

When you talk about these things, you can IMPLY that there are fewer jobs than ever under Obama, by saying “The labor force as a percentage of population never recovered under Obama!”  Most people will just assume that this means not as many people are working, and you won’t technically be lying! IT’S A WIN-WIN!

So go forth, my pretties! Leave your comments, post your tweets, and complain that the economy is just the worst thing ever under Obama!

Just make sure you never ever mention the fact that there are more actual employed people now than ever before. That might lead to people’s thoughts having some kind of liberal bias!!!!

 

Tea Party caucus proposes bill to define new list of Founding Fathers

The Founding Fathers: Tea Party Style

The Tea Party has never been happy with some of the people who are considered Founding Fathers of the Unites States. Although no official list really exist, the Founding Fathers are generally assumed to include at least the Committee of Five (Robert Livingston, Roger Sherman, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and Benjamin Franklin), and often include other notable early American political figures as well, including George Washington, James Madison, Patrick Henry and George Mason. Some people consider anyone who signed the Declaration of Independence to be a Founding Father.

But several of the core Founding Father members, even members of the Committee of Five, don’t quite sit well with today’s Tea Party Conservatives. As a result, they have formed a new House Committee to propose legislation to officially declare the list of Founding Fathers to be Robert Livingston, Roger Sherman, George Washington, John Calvin, Ronald Reagan, and Jesus.

“George Washington was cool,” the chair of the committee remarked, “He said ‘It is impossible to govern the world without God and the Bible.’ Which is basically what we think, as Christian conservatives. But some of those other guys… come on. Thomas Jefferson? John Adams? And don’t even get me started with that weirdo freak Ben Franklin!”

This movement in the Tea Party really began in 2010, when the Texas Board of Education officially re-wrote history textbooks to eliminate Thomas Jefferson from the list of people who influenced the founding of the United States, and replaced him with John Calvin. Thomas Jefferson offends Tea Party politicians because he said, among other things,

“I am a Materialist. Among the sayings and discourses imputed to [Jesus] by His biographers, I find many passages of fine imagination, correct morality, and of the most lovely benevolence; and others, again, of so much ignorance, so much absurdity, so much untruth, charlatanism and imposture, as to pronounce it impossible that such contradictions should have proceeded from the same Being.”

John Calvin, on the other hand, is well-known for having put Geneva under religious martial law in 1537, and throwing people into prison for sleeping in church or inappropriately smiling during baptisms. Definitely a Tea Party Patriot.

John Adams is a bit more ambiguous. He did say, “The general principles on which the fathers achieved independence were. . . . the general principles of Christianity.” However, he also signed into a law a treaty that included the phrase, “the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion.” There is some dispute over where that line originally came from, but Paul Ryan, Rand Paul, and other members of the Tea Party caucus insist that any list of Founding Fathers must be totally and completely pure… and so John Adams is out. The Tea Party proposes Ronald Reagan as an alternate to fill his slot, although it is important to note that it wouldn’t be the real Ronald Reagan but actually just a collection of specific quotes and ideas from Ronald Reagan that the Tea Party likes.

Finally, Benjamin Franklin is definitely out. He overtly and plainly described himself as a “thorough Deist.” A Deist is a person who believes in the existence of a God or supreme, being but denies revealed religion, basing his belief on his own reason and observations of nature. Deists reject the Judeo-Christian accounts of God as well as the Bible.

Jesus is considered by many to be a favorite to replace Ben Franklin, although there is still some debate over whether “that hippie should cut his hair first.”

 

Liberal graphs round-up: May 14 2014

This first graph shows that attacks during the Obama administration have been dramatically lower than ANY previous Republican administration. This obviously can’t be true, because Benghazi.

Hat tip to @BmoreProgressiv for tweeting this graph, which originally appeared on Mother Jones.

Attacks on U.S. diplomatic targets.

This next graph seems to show that the attitudes of Republicans toward the threat of climate change mirrors the attitudes of fascist, anti-science, oppressive states like Pakistan, Egypt and China. That that is just misleading, because Freedom.

Hat tip to @JeffersonObama for tweeting this graph.

Views on climate change

This next graph shows that Scott Walker’s economic policies have caused job growth in Wisconsin to completely and utterly tank ever since Scott Walker took office, and more specifically since he has been able to implement his conservative economic policies. That, however, must be a liberal illusion of some sort, because Capitalism.

Hat tip to @adbridgeforth  for tweeting this graph.

Wisconsin job growth

Finally, the last image isn’t a graph, but a set of statistics, so it sort of counts. According to this collection of numbers, the Republican Party is disgustingly, disastrously out of touch with the American people! That clearly cannot be right, because Media Bias!

Hate tip to @eelawl1966 for tweeting this image, originally created and shared by @GOPMeme:

Poll results on the issues

Do you know a graph with LIBERAL BIAS that you’d like to see featured? Please email us the tip at tips@liberalbias.com or tweet us the graph @LiberalBias!

Republicans finally admit economy is improving; say racism is to blame

Over the past week, several notable Republicans have finally admitted that the economy is improving.

“We’ve been denying it for five years now, and it’s been pretty exhausting,” admitted one chief aid to a prominent orange-hued Republican on the condition of anonymity. “But between unemployment being the best it has been since Bush, the stock market reaching record highs, and the deficit being the best it’s been since Bush… it’s gotten to the point where it’s just difficult to deny.”

Of course, since the media storyline for years has been that we are in a terrible, floundering recovery, there have been a lot of facts that the media was simply unable to talk about. One low-level script writer on the Fox News journalism team even confessed, “The list of things we weren’t allowed to talk about was getting so long, it was getting to be a challenge just to fill up the prime-time slots with anything even remotely political.”

LUCKILY, THAT HAS NOW ALL CHANGED!

Despite admitting that every single sign shows that the economy is improving, key Republicans were able to find a way to spin it to their benefit…

…they have decided to blame racism!

 

“It’s basically a form of affirmative action. It has to be. How else can you explain a recovery under a black president being better than a recovery under a white president?”

 

Jobs are improving faster under Obama because of RACISM.

“The insight really hit me when I saw this graph from the Department of Labor,” said an anonymous Congressman who looks suspiciously like Eddie Munster. “It shows that private-sector job gains after the 2009 recession have been faster than the private sector job gains after the 2002 recession. Now I thought to myself, how could that be? In 2002 the President was George Bush, and in 2009 the President was Barack Obama. See what I mean? I think you know what I’m getting at.

Back in October 2013, Rush Limbaugh observed that people are scared to oppose Obama because Obama is black. The reasoning is simple: if you in any way try to hinder Obama’s success, then you will be called “racist”, which of course is just mean. Oh and by the way it’s also racist because calling something “racist” is inherently racist, and not wanting to do things that seem racist IS ALSO RACIST.

Looking at the above graph, some people say it’s obvious that the private sector is ONLY HIRING NEW PEOPLE out of fear of doing something to make Obama look bad, and therefore being called “racist”, which of course is also racist.

I mean, why else would the recovery under the black guy be going better than the recovery under the white guy did?

There really can’t be any other explanation, right?