Liberal bias has been eliminated

With the swearing-in of the new Tea Party Senate of 2015, we can officially declare that the problem of liberal bias in the world has been solved. Mission Accomplished! As a result, this website will go on hold, at least for now… you never know when the dreaded evil of liberal bias might rear its ugly head once again!

Liberal Bias Top 5 most popular videos of 2014!

Our weekly Youtube show, Helzel’s View, grew immensely in popularity since it started earlier this year. Here are the top most-viewed videos by Zach Heltzel on the Liberal Bias Video Youtube channel!!

 

NUMBER 5: I am American mass murderer. I will not stop killing, and this is why.

I am American mass murderer. I will not stop killing, and this is why.
In this video, American Mass Murderer explains why he keeps on killing, and what needs to happen before he will stop.

 

NUMBER 4: Ted Cruz will BREAK THE LAW if he runs for President in 2016

Ted Cruz will BREAK THE LAW if he runs for President in 2016
Ted Cruz’s bid to be the GOP Presidential Candidate in 2016 is illegal, unconstitutional, and maybe a violation of reptilian animal rights.

 

NUMBER 3: The entire Benghazi scandal and coverup reenacted in only two minutes

The entire Benghazi scandal and coverup reenacted in only two minutes
Discover all of the facts and the entire timeline of the Benghazi cover-up and scandal, reenacted in two minutes.

 

NUMBER 2 (ALMOST THERE): Conservative quotes proving that racism is totally over in America

Conservative quotes proving that racism is totally over in America
We have collected a montage of the best quotes from conservative icons proving beyond any doubt that there is no racism in America any more!

 

NUMBER 1 MOST VIEWED VIDEO THIS YEAR….

Superman will eventually have assless red underwear, because LIBERALS.

Superman will eventually have assless red underwear, because LIBERALS.
Liberals are just ruining life for straight white men, and now they are ruining comic books. Zach Heltzel predicts the future of Marvel.

 

Liberal Bias Top 5 most popular articles of 2014!

From Obama’s tyrannical executive orders to restaurants charging Obamacare fees, here are the top 10 most popular articles from 2014 that expose the demons and danger of that dreaded LIBERAL BIAS!!

 

NUMBER 5: Is there a war on masculinity? Yes, but not the one you think., 20 Jan 2014 by Zach Heltzel

Is there a war on masculinity? Yes, but not the one you think.
Masculine young men are, in fact, so obsessed with musculature and masculinity that they idolize men who are better looking than themselves. This obsession simulates the same neurological response as attraction… thus making all men who aspire to be masculine feel urges and feelings that are …. well, kinda gay.

 

NUMBER 4: It is un-American to criticize the President during a time of war!, 04 Sep 2014, by The Daily Edge

It is un-American to criticize the President during a time of war!
If you are a Fox News viewer, you know that it is unpatriotic and positively un-American to criticize anything that our President, George W. Bush, has ever done to protect us from the terrorists he failed to protect us from on 9/11! All of that criticism of President George Bush is just offensive, and un-American. Oh, by the way… can you believe what a screw up this Obama guy is?

 

NUMBER 3: Aging White Voters Still Mad at Black Man Who Fixed Economy, 05 Nov 2014, by The Daily Edge

Aging White Voters Still Mad at Black Man Who Fixed Economy
Republicans rode a wave of aging white male rage to reclaim the Senate, increase their leadership in the House, and win key Gubernatorial races this Tuesday. Turnout among 60+ voters soared to 37% of the total.

 

NUMBER 2 (ALMOST THERE): 10 best signs I saw at the White Man March, 17 Mar 2014, by Zach Heltzel

10 best signs I saw at the White Man March
If you could not attend your local White Man March, I made sure to take a lot of pictures. Unsurprisingly, most of the attendees would not give me permission to take their picture because the NSA is out to get them. Otherwise, I would show you my favorite sign of the event, which said “There are too many women in comedy!”…but these ten signs are almost as good.

 

NUMBER 1 MOST VIEWED ARTICLE….

Restaurant sells 15 cent cheeseburger, prints a totally honest receipt

Restaurant sells 15 cent cheeseburger, prints a totally honest receipt
Diner owner sells cheeseburgers for 15 cents, but the bill the customers got freaked them out! Check out exactly what was listed on this receipt… and what wasn’t.

 

Will of the people, or stupid sheeple? How to tell the difference.

We still don’t know exactly how many people participated nationally in the #HandsUpWalkout protests on Monday. Although it’s clear that a very large number of people participated in dozens of cities across the country, we may never have completely reliable number estimates.

But if you are a good conservative, you know that these protests don’t represent the “will of the American people”. Far from it: these protests represent slackers and good-for-nothing sheeple who have been brainwashed. We can see this response very clearly from Conservative Twitter:

 

You see? Even if there were a million billion of these protesters, we know that their voices don’t represent the “will of the people”. How do we know? Because we are conservatives. And conservatives just know.

You can see the same thing with a number of different issues. For example, the Tax Day Tea Party protests in 2009 gathered an estimated 311,460 attendees. That was clearly the will of the people making itself heard. The People’s Climate March in New York City this year, on the other hand, was estimated at 311,000 participants… but those were just deluded misguided hippies who were brainwashed by communists.

This is also why real conservatives don’t get very bothered when elections don’t go their way. You see, conservatives just know whether the right people voted or not. 69.4 million people voted for Obama in 2008? Well, some of them were racist, others were brainwashed, others were just stupid college kids (what do they know?)… but that 69.4 million was clearly not the will of the people.

On the other hand, 22.5 million voted for Republicans in the 2014 midterm elections… now that obviously represents a mandate. That’s the Voice of the American People, loud and clear! How can anybody deny it?

The same goes for polling numbers. 70% of the population supports Voter ID laws, which makes about 223 million people in the grand total. How wise! How sensible! Anyone who opposes it is clearly not listening to the wishes of AMERICA!

On the other hand, the 91% of the population who supports increased background checks for buying guns…. well, that’s just stupid. Those people are stupid. Don’t listen to them.

The difference is very clear, and very obvious… when you’re a conservative!

Please refer to this handy chart:

The will of the people? Or just brainwashed communists? Use this handy chart to decide.
The will of the people? Or just brainwashed communists? Use this handy chart to decide.

Obamacare will cause a surge in part-time employment, any minute now!

Just yesterday, November 11th 2014, the conservative “Power Line Blog” sang songs of doom and gloom for the Affordable Care Act (i.e. Obamacare), and predicted: “2015 is the year when the employer mandate begins to take effect (it is phased in over several years, depending on the size of the employer). As the mandate takes effect, many employers will either lay off workers or reduce their hours below 30 per week so that they are not eligible for health insurance, or they will terminate their plans altogether.”

It’s important to point out that the above quote is from YESTERDAY, since it essentially is the same prediction that conservatives made in 2010:

“Employers may decide to limit the number of full-time employees, favoring part-time employees instead.”

And in 2011:

Obamacare Will Price Less Skilled Workers Out of Full-Time Jobs

And in 2012:

Will ObamaCare turn us into a nation of part-time employees?

And in 2013:

Wendy’s Franchisee Slashes Employee Hours To Sidestep Obamacare

 

Yet, weirdly, when you look at the actual data on part-time employment, shown in this graph below made from an analysis of BLS data, they show that although part-time employment surged as a consequence of the 2008 recession, it has actually decreased slowly but steadily each of the years since Obamacare was signed into law.

Full time vs. part time employment and Obamacare a.k.a. the Affordable Care Act

Decreased each year… despite each year conservative pundits screaming that surely–without a doubt–Obamacare will lead us to a “part time economy.”

That’s why it is so notable that now, in 2014, we have yet another conservative blogger predicting that this time no really honest-to-goodness 2015 is the actual year it will happen! We will just see a skyrocket in part-time employment, because of Obamacare.

Really. This time. Any minute now!

You just wait.

 

ALERT: The word “obstruction” has just been redefined

As of the 2014 election, the definition of obstruction has changed

We have an important announcement!  Please make sure to disseminate this information to everyone you know as soon as possible.

For the last five years or so, the word “obstruction” has been a very positive word, with a positive meaning. For example, when congress has “obstructed” Obama’s agenda, it has been in order to stop him from completely transforming the United States of America (whatever that means). When Congress “obstructed” the appointment of a Surgeon General, it was to protect America from having a Surgeon General who might think guns are bad. When the House of Representatives “obstructed” financial reform by voting “no” to every single reform bill that was ever put in front of them, that was good: because it was stopping Obama from doing something that was probably bad.

However, in the last 24 hours, in light of the 2014 mid-term election results, ALL THAT HAS NOW CHANGED!

Now that the Republicans have more of an ability to push their agenda forward onto Obama’s desk, everything is different.  After all, if Obama ever vetoes a glorious Republican bill… that means he is guilty of obstruction!

And that is obviously bad.

So, my fellow Americans: it is time to put away all of those tired arguments that you have been using over the last 5 years.

No longer will you say, “A do-nothing Congress is good, because I want government to do nothing!”

No longer will you say, “Saying ‘no’ to everything is good governing, because it’s stopping changes that aren’t needed!

Now, as of today, “obstruction” is officially a bad word. If Obama doesn’t completely comply in every single way to whatever the Republican Congress wants, then he is obstructing progress…..

Isn’t that terrible?

Chris Christie 2016 Presidential Campaign Posters

Chris Christie’s recent political maneuverings concerning Ebola definitely prove he is running for president.  His attitude of “I’m gonna just quarantine every little shit that comes from Africa whether they have symptoms or not” is a perfect reflection of both Republican foreign policy and health ideology, and the presidential persona that Chris Christie in particular has been cultivating for years.

Essentially, he is saying this: If you went to Africa you don’t deserve to have rights, because real Americans don’t go to dirty foreign places.  That’s implied. And it’s such a great message, we think it should be part of his 2016 Presidential Campaign.

Is Chris Christie running for president in 2016

But this got us thinking: we really should be starting to churn out the Chris Christie 2016 Presidential Campaign Posters now. Why wait? We know he’s running. So we looked back over the last few years to find stories that have linked Chris Christie to the 2016 presidential race, and we have selected a few as the bases of some potential campaign posters.

For example, there is the ongoing story that Chris Christie has been trying to lose weight in preparation for the election. That should definitely be part of the campaign.

Chris Christie presidential campaign poster

Then there’s his little speech about winning, in which he said: “We are not a debating society… See I’m in this business to win … I’m in it to win. I think that we have some folks who believe that our job is to be college professors. … Being a college professor is — they basically spout out ideas but nobody ever does anything about them. For our ideas to matter we have to win.”  That should definitely be made into a campaign slogan of some kind.

Chris Christie is not an explainer.

So what do you think? What are some other great Chris Christie moments from the last few years that should be made into campaign poster slogans?  Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter!

 

ISIS and Ebola: the real consequences of raising taxes on the rich

Obama has raised taxes. Everybody knows it. Obama was elected, he waived his magic Liberalism Wand, sign an executive order or two, and now everyone is paying way too much in taxes. Not just everyone: YOU.  You are paying too much in taxes, and it’s Obama’s fault.

Consider the following graph of the highest and lowest marginal income tax rates over the last 100+ years. Because this graph has liberal bias, it seems to show that tax rates increase for the rich and not for the poor. But still, rich people matter.  A LOT. Therefore, this graph basically proves that taxes have been raised on everyone… or at least, everyone who matters.

Historical marginal tax rates on the rich and the poor.

In case you find the above graph a bit overwhelming or confusing (who wouldn’t?) we have simplified it for you in the following way:

HELP OBAMA RAISED MY TAXES!!!!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!  Not only has income tax on the super-rich increased, but capital gains tax (the other type of tax that most rich people pay) has also increased!!  All you need to do is look at the illustrated graph below to see how sad this is:

All the taxes on the rich people have gone up and that makes them really sad

What have we seen as the negative result of this increase?  ISIS and Ebola.  Now, I know that some people, for example the head adviser and chief of staff for Ted Cruz, have tried to blame Ebola on Obamacare:

Advisor to Ted Cruz blames ebola on Obamacare

But that’s just ignorant. Clearly, both ISIS and Ebola are part of the LARGER PATTERN in our economy, namely: the fact that the rich are paying a little bit more lately.

Did we have ISIS before taxes on the top 1% were raised? NO!

Did we have Ebola before taxes on the top 1% were raised? NO!

I rest my case. If anybody tries to tell you otherwise, the only appropriate response is to yell LIBERAL BIAS!!!!

 

Republican cuts kill…. and they are supposed to. That’s capitalism.

Liberals and Democrats have been slamming Republicans for cutting medical research funding, blocking the appointment of a Surgeon General, and cutting money to hospitals…. only to “suddenly” turn around and start demanding money and medical oversight now that we have a problem with The Ebola.

Some Democrats are calling the Republican Party experts in “closing the barn door after the horse has escaped.”

Others are using these facts in extremely powerful political ads like this one:

Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3D0DxjgPB0

As bedrock ideological conservatives, believers in the free market, what are we to make of these criticisms and accusations? Were Republicans wrong in cutting medical research and hospital funding? Was it a misstep? Was it a mistake?

NOT A CHANCE!!!!

The fact is, the Republican Party is doing exactly what real free market capitalists are supposed to do! Republicans should not and cannot run away from this. It is time to educate the masses about what free market capitalism really means.

The entire philosophy of the free market is that it is reactive, not pro-active. As Rand Paul and Paul Ryan are so fond of saying, the market “corrects” and “adapts”. It is part of the core philosophy of the economic model.

Think about the way you were taught in school that a free market would “fix the problem” of, for example, a corporation that made bad products:

1) People would buy products from the company

2) People would be disappointed by those products

3) People would stop buying products from that company

4) That company goes out of business

At the ground level, that is how free market capitalism produces better products: it is driven by consumer reaction.

Let’s look at another scenario: how does the free market “regulate itself” when it comes to companies making poisoned products?

1) People buy products from the company

2) People die

3) The remaining people do not buy products from that company any more

4) That company goes out of business

Tah dah! The market has regulated itself. But if you are a real free market fanatic, you have to embrace step 2. That is: part of the process of the “market regulating itself” involves PEOPLE DYING.

You can’t escape it. Part of the process. The only motivation that companies have, in a free market, to produce products that don’t kill their customers is that if their customers ACTUALLY DIE then they might lose business.

The only time that companies ever increase safety of their procedures is after a plant has exploded or a pipeline has leaked, and something actually got destroyed… and it cost the company money.

Capitalism only “regulates itself” after-the-fact. The entire economic system is based on the principle of closing the barn door after the horse has run away… on the assumption that you can at least prevent more horses from going the same way the first one went.

Some Republicans will deny this, but it is the truth. Any true “free market conservative” must embrace this core concept of the economic system

So that is our lesson for today:

The budget cuts that crippled our ability to fight ebola were not a mis-step. They were not a miscalculation, or a mistake. If you are a true free market loving conservative, you will stand by those cuts, just as you will stand by the people who will probably die as a result.

This is the way capitalism is supposed to work. This is how it was designed to work: something goes horribly wrong, and then–and only then–the market corrects itself.

Do you have a problem with that?

If you do, then you don’t really love capitalism.

A BIG BAD LIST: 25 things that Ebola is like!

Ebola has a liberal bias! This is not a conspiracy.
This picture proves that Ebola is like Mickey Mouse. Of course, everyone has already been talking about the fact that the responsible reporters at CNN think Ebola is like ISIS:

Ebola is ISIS, obviously.

But this is really only the beginning. Since Ebola has (obviously) been the only important topic in the entire world for the last week or so, there has been plenty of opportunity for people to come up with deep insights about things that Ebola is like.

Thus, we present to you the Big Bad Compendium Of Stuff Ebola Is Like, courtesy of the Internets:

Ebola is like a terrorist.

Ebola is like being bitten by a pitt bull with AIDS.

Ebola is like a Great White Shark.

Ebola is like a flying spider.

Ebola is like roaches.

Ebola is like a forest fire.

Ebola is like an artificially tanned guy wearing white-rimmed sunglasses inside a bar at night.

 

(…..pause for a moment and re-read that last one…..)

 

Ebola is like a gun that makes its own bullets.

Ebola is like the flu.

Ebola is like chicken pox.

Ebola is like scurvy.

Ebola is like chlamydia.

Ebola is like…. menses?  (TAKE NOTE, WOMEN!)

Ebola is like Shadow People.

Ebola is like lightning.

Ebola is like Amazon.com.

Ebola is like liberalism. (WELL DUH)

Ebola is like oil (and gold and coffee).

Ebola is like a marauding army.

Ebola is like a train wreck.

 

Ebola is like muslims.

Ebola is like Muslims

 

Ebola is like terrorism AND diarrhea.

Ebola is like terrorism. And diarrhea.

 

Ebola is like…. a penny!

Ebola is like a penny

 

….and finally:

Ebola is like HOLDING A MIRROR UP TO HUMANITY’S PROBLEMS!!!

(…pretty deep, huh?)

 

 

 

John D. Rockefeller had a liberal bias!

John D. Rockefeller was a liberal!

John Davison Rockefeller: oil tycoon, founder of Standard Oil, multi-bazillionaire. In his lifetime, accused of espionage, price wars, heavy-handed marketing tactics, and courtroom evasions. How could conservatives not admire the man! He is clearly a man after our own conservative, tea-party, regulation-free, oil-loving, big-business hearts!

Yet, with the usual amount of LIBERAL BIAS you see in history books so-called “educational fact-based” things, what you read about the man does not seem totally conservative by today’s standards.

He gave millions of dollars to universities and colleges, even though today’s conservatives know that schools are liberal indoctrination camps designed to turn our children into atheists and homosexuals.

He gave millions to helping medical research and the medical field, even though today’s conservatives know that medicine is a hoax and all you need to heal people is prayer to Jesus.

And now, just yesterday, to add further insult to his name, Stephen Heintz, president of Rockefeller Brothers Fund, is participating in a pro-environmental movement by divesting the Rockefeller money from oil, coal and gas! Heintz says, “We are quite convinced that if [John D. Rockefeller] were alive today, as an astute businessman looking out to the future, he would be moving out of fossil fuels and investing in clean, renewable energy.”

That’s about the least conservative thing I’ve ever heard!!

So what are we to make of all of these historical “facts” about Rockefeller?

Personally, I’m tempted to simply blame the historical facts for being inaccurate. This man was rich, he owned a monopoly, he loved business and oil… obviously he was a conservative, and therefore he must agree with every opinion of today’s conservative movement!

Much like we did with Ronald Reagan, who was against nuclear bombs and loved raising taxes, we will have to go back and forcefully re-write the history of Rockefeller to make sure his true, deep-down conservative nature is honored.

I mean, if we didn’t…. it would just give people the horrifying idea that John D. Rockefeller was somehow, in some minor way, a liberal!!!

 

[* Historical note: We have added the “I love taxes” speech bubble to the image of Rockefeller, above, as a way to illustrate his icky evil liberalness.  SHUDDER.  In reality, of course, he was around before income taxes, which is part of the reason he was able to amass such ginormous amounts of money while most other people were dirt poor.]

ISIS fights back against defamation, and is changing her name

ISIS, the radical conservative Islamic terrorist organization, has angered Isis, the Egyptian Goddess, with all of their unbelievable bullshit.
ISIS, the radical conservative Islamic terrorist organization, has angered Isis, the Egyptian Goddess, with all of their unbelievable bullshit.

Isis, one of the most ancient and important goddesses of Egypt, is sick of all this radical Islamic bullshit.

“I used to be worshiped everywhere from Egypt to Afghanistan as a healer and a role-model for women,” she explained in her exclusive interview with Liberal Bias. “I taught human kind how to use medicine, for crying out loud! And now these radical pinheads have to go and use my name to represent their stupid right-wing religious movement? No thanks!”

Isis, who has been around for more than 3500 years, says she feels it’s a shame that people now associate the name “Isis” mostly with the right-wing religious fanatics who are beheading people and who want to bring the entire world under Sharia Law. “It especially hurts since I’ve had the name for, like, most of the existence of humanity. But now this group comes along, and instead of associating the name Isis with healing and motherly love, they associate the name with death, murder, and terrorism.”

As a result of this unfortunate development in recent political events, Isis has decided to file a lawsuit for defamation, and temporarily change her name to Ahst, which is probably closer to how it was originally pronounced anyway.

We asked Isis if she has considered using her powers to smite ISIS.

“Smiting isn’t really my thing,” she admitted, with a soft sad sigh. “My brother Set was always the one who was good at smiting. Or, if you want a god who is good at smiting, why not ask Yaweh? He’s always been very good at the smiting.”

Come to think of it… why hasn’t  Yaweh smitten ISIS yet?  Come on, Yahweh… it’s time to step it up.

 

Messiah-Mess 101: top 12 Obama scandals with explanations

Very funny Obama political cartoon called "Messiah Mess"

This is a political cartoon created by William Warren for NetRightDaily last month. It is obviously very clever and 100% accurate because it depicts Obama in sewage. However, if you have not been keeping up with all of the details of politics over the last 6 years, you might not recognize all of the scandals that are named on the right-side pane.

DO NOT FEAR! What follows is a quick cheat-sheet summary of each of these scandals, so you will understand exactly why you should be completely outraged at Obama.


1. Fast and Furious.  The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) has a long history of programs designed to try to stop people from purchasing firearms from American gun dealers in order to pass them on to Mexican cartels. One such operation, known as “Wide Receiver”, was started in 2006. Another, called “Fast and Furious”, was started in 2009. According to some accusations, these programs intentionally allowed illegal firearm sales in order to track the firearms by their serial numbers and later identify members of Mexican drug cartels. However, these accusations were never fully confirmed and most independent research shows that the ATF never intentionally allowed any illegal firearms sales. Eventually these were both shut down. There is no evidence that Obama knew about or was involved in any of these incidents.

But, Obama gave a very suspicious speech in 2009 where he said better gun regulation might help slow the flow of guns from the U.S. to Mexico. Obviously this means Obama created “Fast and Furious” deliberately as a plot to take away Americans’ guns. (More info: CBS News)

2. Debt. When Obama was inaugurated, the total federal debt was about $10.6 trillion and was increasing at a rate of $1.4 trillion per year. Now, it is about $17.6 trillion and is increasing at a rate of $0.54 trillion per year. About two thirds of the increase in debt since Obama was inaugurated has been caused by interest and entitlements that were in place before Obama became president.

This proves that the entire debt is Obama’s fault.

Total Jobs3. Jobs. The total number of non-farm employee payroll jobs in January 2009 was about 134 million. The total number of non-farm employee payroll jobs in July 2014 was about 139 million. A total of 9.3 million jobs were created between the January 2010 low-point, when it finally reached the bottom of the decline that began in late 2007, and today.

This is all proof that Obama has failed… somehow.

4. Taliban Trade. Obama did everything he could to get American prisoner Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl delivered home safely. This included the release of five Guantanamo Bay prisoners. Obviously this is a disgusting horrible scandal, because America never negotiates with terrorists.

Except for that time Reagan did it, and that time Bush did it. (More info: Time.) Ironically, now that an American citizen was beheaded by an Islamic terrorist, there are conservatives who are complaining that Obama didn’t organize some kind of trade to get him back. I guess that can be listed as another scandal.

5. Benghazi. 4 people were killed in a terrorist attack in Benghazi while Obama was president. This compares to 98 people who were killed in terrorist attacks against American consulates when Bush was president.

However, Obama called it an “act of terror” instead of a “terrorist attack”, which proves Obama is not fit for office.

6. IRS. The IRS cracked down on politically active organizations trying to file as 501(c)(3) nonprofit charity groups. They investigated both liberal and conservative groups. They only refused 501(c)(3) status to a small number of progressive groups, and did not refuse it to any “tea party” groups. There is no evidence that Obama had anything to do with it, or had any knowledge of it.

This proves Obama was the sinister mastermind of this terrible aggression against the Tea Party. (More info: Think Progress)

7. Iraq. Obama withdrew soldiers from Iraq when things seemed relatively peaceful, and now ISIS has risen and is creating all kinds of problem. Since the magical Tea Party Crystal Ball tells us that if Obama hadn’t withdrawn troops from Iraq, then ISIS would not exist and there would be a Starbucks on every Iraqi corner, this proves that the mess in Iraq is completely Obama’s fault.

8. Obamacare. Millions of Americans now have preventative health insurance, young adults can stay on their parent’s plans for longer, nobody can be denied coverage for pre-existing conditions, insurance companies are legally required to limit the amount they can increase their fees, lifetime limits on payouts are being lifted.

However, a while back the website was broken, and there once was a woman who got mad because she thought she might have to pay more for insurance even though she didn’t actually log onto the Obamacare website to see if she could get a better deal.

Therefore, Obamacare is clearly an outrage and a scandal.

9. Keystone. Obama has delayed a decision on the controversial Keystone XL pipeline project, and perhaps might delay it indefinitely, which is completely within his power and rights to do as the President of the United States. This qualified as as scandal, presumably, simply because conservatives don’t like it very much.

Yeah, I’m not really clear on this one. maybe someone can help out and explain why this is a “scandal”?

Job Growth10. Economy. Unemployment is down to 6.1%.  58% of the new jobs added in 2014 pay above the average hourly wage. 1.4 million jobs were create in the first half of 2014. The stock market grew 142% in Obama’s first 2000 days in office. 53 months of uninterrupted job growth. The GDP went from shrinking at a rate of 2.8% when Obama took office to growing at a rate of 2.2% now.

Obviously, there is a scandal in there somewhere… somehow. Maybe if Obama hadn’t been born in Kenya, the GDP growth rate would be 2.4% instead of 2.2%? Someone also needs to explain the logic on this one.

 

11. The VA. Allegations of neglect and mismanagement in VA hospitals have been around for more than 40 years. Anyone who has paid close attention to the state of VA medical care has been aware that there have been problems going back since before the Reagan administration.

However, it became a topic in the news this year and Obama took FOUR WHOLE WEEKS before he fired Secretary of Veterans Affairs Eric Shinseki and launched an investigation.  Can you believe it? FOUR WEEKS!

Obviously, Obama is just an evil, evil, inept person.

12. Illegal Immigration. Illegal immigration has also been a problem for decades in this country. Obama hasn’t granted anyone amnesty. Obama hasn’t slowed deportations. He also hasn’t done anything to weaken the borders compared to way border enforcement was when Bush was President.

However, because he hasn’t solved the problem of illegal immigration completely… this is clearly yet another scandal.


So there you have it: a list of all of the scandals weighing down Obama.

Can you believe he hasn’t been impeached yet?

 

FLOWCHART: How to do good police work, Ferguson-style

Ferguson-approved police work flowchartThat actions of the Ferguson police department over the last two weeks have shown us, if nothing else, that you really can completely militarize a civilian area in the United States and lock down American citizens, and get at least a portion of people on your side. It seems like it should be a PR nightmare… and to an extent it is.

But the above handy-dandy flow-chart will guide you through the step-by-step process of making sure that you can always find excused and places to put the blame. So we present to you: How to do good police work, Ferguson-style!

(A process vetted and approved by the Ferguson PD in 2014!)

Restaurant sells 15 cent cheeseburger, prints a totally honest receipt

Last week a restaurant in Minnesota added a “minimum wage fee” to its receipts. Of course this outraged idiot liberals, and made Glenn Beck very happy. And why wouldn’t it? Capitalism! Transparency! No ulterior motive whatsoever!

Everyone should love it.

In fact, a small restaurant in Tennessee, Billy’s Diner, decided to take this idea one step further.

“Yeah, we realized that we could drop the price of our cheeseburger down to just fifteen cents, if we count all of our overhead and secondary expenses as fees instead,” explains Bil, founder and owner of Billy’s Diner.

As usual, liberal patrons were outraged by this move. One took a photo of his receipt for a cheeseburger with his phone, and it has gone viral circulating the internet:

Restaurant receipt showing a minimum wage fee and other fees.
Restaurant receipt showing minimum wage fee, as well as other fees.

“I feel so cheated!” the anonymous liberal patron whined, “I was told the cheeseburger was fifteen cents, and I ended up paying over ten dollars!”

Clearly, he doesn’t understand capitalism.

“See in a way the way we have our receipt is more honest,” explains Bil. “We show people exactly what they are paying for. Cheeseburgers really aren’t that expensive, you know. There are all these other factors.”

When we asked Bil why the receipt did not show a “business owner’s salary” fee, he said “This interview is over!” and walked away.