Obama causes lightning, cats and suicide

Stuff Obama Did.

Obama’s nefarious influence could be much more far-reaching than previously thought. In addition to everything else, he could be responsible for increases in suicide, lightning deaths, and much much more.

For years, conservative champions have taught us how to use logic and reason to evaluate the numbers and statistics associated with the Obama administration.

Sean Hannity has taught us that Obama has caused unemployment to go up. How does he know? In January of 2008, unemployment was 4.9% and in January of this year unemployment was 8.3%. Since it went up during Obama’s presidency, it was obviously caused by Obama.

Every conservative commentator on television has repeatedly told us that Obama has caused the deficit to increase. How do they know? In 2008 the federal deficit was $459 billion and in 2012 the federal deficit is $1,089 billion. Since the deficit went up during Obama’s presidency, it was obviously caused by Obama.

Recently, a television campaign ad aired explaining that Obamacare has caused health care costs to explode. This is true: average HMO costs were $8,213 in 2008 and are $11,151 now. Since it went up during Obama’s presidency, it was obviously because of Obamacare.

Mark Levin observed on his radio show that Obama has been terrible for students, pointing out that tuition costs have gone through the roof. He is correct: in 2008 average tuition was $24,780.75, and in 2012 the average tuition is $28,500.00. Since it went up during Obama’s presidency, it’s clear that this was also because of Obama.

All of these great conservative thinkers have been teaching us how to understand the Obama presidency. But it is time to take this line of thinking to the next level.

President Obama is such a terrible president that he is making people commit suicide. How do we know? In 2008, the total number of suicide deaths was 36,035. In 2012, they are expecting the number of suicide deaths to top 40,000. Since this increase happened during Obama’s presidency, obviously these deaths were caused by Obama.

President Obama has caused the number of pet cats in the country to increase. How do we know? In 2008, the estimated number of pet cats was 84 million, and in 2012 this increased to an estimated 86.4 million. Since this increase happened during Obama’s presidency, it’s clear that this was caused by Obama.

Even more frightening, in 2008 there were 28 people who died because they were struck by lightning. So far in 2012, exactly 28 people were struck by lightning and the year isn’t over yet.  If even one more person dies as a result of being struck by lightning this year, that is yet another death that lies on the shoulders of the evil and sinister President Obama.

Finally–and you should be warned that this is by far the most disturbing result that we have yet to report–in 2008 there were only 2 movies released in 3D, while by the end of 2012 there will have been 40 movies released in 3D.

That’s right! Obama is single-handedly responsible for a 1900% increase in the number of 3D movies released per year.

I ask you: is that really the America that YOU want to live in?

I didn’t think so.


graph produced by: LiberalBias.com
graph data sources: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention,  Aon Hewitt health care cost analysis, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration National Weather Service, USA Today, usgovernmentspending.com, and other various sources. Values plotted on a logarithmic scale. NOTE: cat-related data is estimated and may suffer from a lack of precision.

4 Replies to “Obama causes lightning, cats and suicide”

  1. You were SO CLOSE! You missed one more thing that is SO clearly Obama’s fault and it is a very telling statistic: the record number of Senate filibusters.

    It has been abundantly clear that in each of the last two Congresses the Senate has been forced into record filibuster numbers. Seriously!

    If Obama would stop trying to fix the economy these savants have spent over thirty years driving into the ground (along with the middle class, living wages, America, etc.)then they wouldn’t be forced into delivering obscene numbers of filibusters. Am I right or am I right?

    I must thank you for opening my eyes to this new way of looking at life, the universe and everything else. I feel that this could prove to be useful in my continued pursuit of mocking the mockworthy right. You have been bookmarked.

    Thank you sir, or ma’am.

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