Everyone knows homosexuality is a choice. But what makes people want to choose to be homosexual?
Answer: Eating at Chik-Fil-A.
AND WE HAVE PROOF!!!
Noted scholar and world leader Evo Morales has definitively proven that eating chicken causes male homosexuality. Why? Because chickens that are raised to be eaten are artificially injected with female hormones to make them plump and tasty. Thus, when a male eats the hormone-filled chicken, it will cause him to deviate from normal maleness and therefore TURN INTO A HOMOSEXUAL.
This stunning revelation casts a sinister and ominous veil of suspicion over the recent events surrounding Chik-Fil-A. Everyone assumes that Chik-Fil-A is conservative and pro-Christian values.
But is it all just a liberal ruse? Are they really part of a liberal plot??
Consider the sequence of events:
1) The president to Chik-Fil-A, Dan Cathy, makes a statement that he hates the gay people.
2) This causes radical homosexual activists to protest against Chik-Fil-A.
3) This in turn lead to a counter-protest called “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day” where trillions and trillions of righteous conservatives bought food from Chik-Fil-A in order to show their support for family values.
Do you realize what this means? All of those conservatives who were tricked into eating chicken at Chik-Fil-A for “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day” have ingested the female hormones, and thus are about to turn homosexual!
Now of course, Chik-Fil-A denies that they use the hormones in their chicken, but somehow this all seems too perfect and too suspicious. After all, isn’t that exactly what they would say if they were illegally using hormones in their chicken? I thought so.
They also deny being liberal, but let me ask you this: WHY would an organization manipulate public opinion in such a way as to cause trillions of people to eat chicken on the same day, and therefore turn homosexual, unless they were liberal gay activists?
The answer is clear: Chick-Fil-A is secretly part of the world-wide liberal conspiracy to turn people gay through the consumption of chicken.
Mark my words, and write down the date and time you read this, because we here at LiberalBias.com are about to make a prediction!
In the next several months or years or, you know, whenever, there will be an explosion of conservatives coming out of the closet, throwing glitter, listening to Madonna, and engaging in other unspeakable acts. All because they participated in “Chik-Fil-A appreciation day.”
You read it here first.