Republicans Celebrate Massive Gains in 2014 Midterms

The GOP celebrates big wins in the 2014 election!

Less than two weeks before Election Day, Republicans across America are celebrating their massive gains in the 2014 midterms!

Ted Cruz is already demanding that “lame duck” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid relinquish his responsibilities two months early and give Koch Industries full control over the Senate until Koch’s Executive Director of Filibustering Mitch McConnell is re-installed as Senate Majority Leader in January.

And Karl Rove is already giving his advice to the Republican-controlled Congress on how to deal with Obama for the next two years.

Sources say Rove is now so sure about his premature election speculation that he has told Megyn Kelly she won’t be required to walk down the hall to double-check the results as she did in 2012!

Republicans are so confident about the 2014 results that they see no need to even “unskew” the polls this year, as they did in 2012, with 47% of “likely” voters now saying they favor a Republican-controlled Congress vs. 39% favoring a Democratic-controlled Congress.

Of course, Republicans naturally have an edge in “likely” voters in this election. For example, the Supreme Court recently approved the Texas GOP’s scheme to prevent 600,000 mostly minority voters from voting unless they pay a discriminatory new “poll tax” or get a gun license before Election Day…. which, of course, makes the much less “likely” to vote.

With the economy considered “extremely” or “very” important by 91% of voters, Republicans now say their only concern is that voters may accidentally realize America just had a record 55 straight months of job growth that created 10.3 million private sector jobs, while the GOP plan to give huge tax breaks to corporations and the Top 1%  could totally fuck things up again.

But barring people actually paying attention or, God forbid, voting… Republicans say this year’s election is pretty much in the bag.


One Reply to “Republicans Celebrate Massive Gains in 2014 Midterms”

  1. The Republicans have a history of counting their chickens before they hatch. Such as George W. Bush claiming “mission accomplished” aboard an aircraft carrier after he thought the occupation of Iraq had been an immediate success. And Karl Rove had predicted a landslide win for Romney several weeks before Obama won by a healthy margin in 2012.

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