The Christian solution to Ebola is not what you think

Blessed Sunday, everyone! Today’s letter is about the top news story today, Ebola, but my answer to today’s question might surprise you!

Dear Pastor Gregory,

You’ve heard the news: Ebola is spreading like wildfire and it’s all President Obama’s fault! Great Christian leaders like Pat Robertson and yourself always say that we should just stay home and pray away the sickness whenever we fall ill… is that what God wants us to do about Ebola, too?  Is simple prayer enough?

Tammy

Well, Tammy, I have an answer that might surprise you. Normally, of course, I would say that prayer alone can heal all things. Normally, I would tell you that we can solve any earthly sickness by just praying and sending me money. But, in the case of Ebola… things might be a little different.

When we look to the Bible for solutions to major world-wise epidemics, we find that God works in mysterious ways. The Holy Bible tells us that God once flooded the whole Earth, killing everyone but Noah and his Ark-companions (Genesis 6). The Big-Man-Upstairs even once sent “she-bears…to maul forty two young boys” (2 Kings 2:24) when he thought the circumstances demanded it.

So if we are to follow His lead, we have to realize: when God gets angry He also gets creative!

Now, some religious leaders have dabbled with this type of idea. For example, Glenn Beck wrote a song that is supposed to help people stay Ebola-free. He definitely gets Creativity Points for that. But when we look to the Bible, especially the Old Testament, we see that God is more fond of BIG ELABORATE SPECTACLES.

So with that in mind, I’d like to present to you my Christian Solution to the Ebola problem….

The Ebola Games

 

THE EBOLA GAMES

It’s a Holy-Spirit-inspired reality TV show, tapping into the creative brilliance of the Old Testament!

The entire U.S. prison system would be sent to the Ebola infected state of Texas. A massive 10-story electric fence would be constructed around the border; each prisoner would be given their NRA-sponsored weapon of choice, a kiss from an Ebola infected patient, and let loose for the games to begin! Cameras would cover every inch of the land, live-streaming all the apocalyptic-Ebola-action online. It would be streamed for a small viewing fee, which would cover the costs of the entire project alongside of the corporately sponsored advertisements scattering the land. There would be no police, and only one rule: ANYTHING GOES!

The show would undoubtedly be watched by the entire world, racking in tons of cash for our debt-ridden economy. Millions of short-term jobs would be created in the construction of the electric fence, and hundreds of long-term jobs would be created in the actual 24-hour -TV production. Our US-Mexico border crisis would be solved instantly as anyone crossing over would be mauled by terminally ill armed psychopaths; and American moral would increase to new heights as families gathered around their TV’s to watch a live-action version of The Walking Dead.

So there you have it Tammy – a true Christian and Bible-inspired solution to a very serious problem.

Peace be with you,
Pastor Gregory

 


2 Replies to “The Christian solution to Ebola is not what you think”

  1. a doctor from the 1890’s would demand quarantine of infected areas.
    no, not our President. the Anointed One. total criminal incompetence

    1. So your criticism of the president is that he’s not doing the same thing that people would have done before airplanes, modern surgery, or even penicillin were invented?

      To put it another way: You don’t think that ANY KNOWLEDGE OR TECHNOLOGY humanity has come up with in the last 120 years might be in some way impact what we think the right thing to do to fight disease may be? REALLY?

      This…. this is why we can’t have nice things.

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