John Davison Rockefeller: oil tycoon, founder of Standard Oil, multi-bazillionaire. In his lifetime, accused of espionage, price wars, heavy-handed marketing tactics, and courtroom evasions. How could conservatives not admire the man! He is clearly a man after our own conservative, tea-party, regulation-free, oil-loving, big-business hearts!
Yet, with the usual amount of LIBERAL BIAS you see in history books so-called “educational fact-based” things, what you read about the man does not seem totally conservative by today’s standards.
He gave millions of dollars to universities and colleges, even though today’s conservatives know that schools are liberal indoctrination camps designed to turn our children into atheists and homosexuals.
He gave millions to helping medical research and the medical field, even though today’s conservatives know that medicine is a hoax and all you need to heal people is prayer to Jesus.
And now, just yesterday, to add further insult to his name, Stephen Heintz, president of Rockefeller Brothers Fund, is participating in a pro-environmental movement by divesting the Rockefeller money from oil, coal and gas! Heintz says, “We are quite convinced that if [John D. Rockefeller] were alive today, as an astute businessman looking out to the future, he would be moving out of fossil fuels and investing in clean, renewable energy.”
That’s about the least conservative thing I’ve ever heard!!
So what are we to make of all of these historical “facts” about Rockefeller?
Personally, I’m tempted to simply blame the historical facts for being inaccurate. This man was rich, he owned a monopoly, he loved business and oil… obviously he was a conservative, and therefore he must agree with every opinion of today’s conservative movement!
Much like we did with Ronald Reagan, who was against nuclear bombs and loved raising taxes, we will have to go back and forcefully re-write the history of Rockefeller to make sure his true, deep-down conservative nature is honored.
I mean, if we didn’t…. it would just give people the horrifying idea that John D. Rockefeller was somehow, in some minor way, a liberal!!!
[* Historical note: We have added the “I love taxes” speech bubble to the image of Rockefeller, above, as a way to illustrate his icky evil liberalness. SHUDDER. In reality, of course, he was around before income taxes, which is part of the reason he was able to amass such ginormous amounts of money while most other people were dirt poor.]