Why Rush Limbaugh is never wrong, and will never be sued

Rush Limbaugh likes to tell people that he is right 99.7% of the time. He also isn’t embroiled in continual lawsuits for slander. Since he is known for dramatic and extremely partisan statements, for three hours a day every weekday for more than 20 years, you might wonder how that is possible.

Well, my friends, I can tell you. I listen to Rush Limbaugh every day, mainly because God told me to, and have conducted an extended and in-depth analysis of his rhetorical style. As a result, I have been able to divine his amazing secret, his astounding trick for being ALWAYS RIGHT!

That’s right: I know his secret. And I am ready to reveal this secret to you. When you know his trick, you too will be able to say whatever you want, without ever being wrong.

Are you ready?  Here’s the secret…

 


 

“I wouldn’t want to go out on a limb and speculate, but I will tell you this: you certainly couldn’t be criticized for believing that Obama is a rapist!”

Suppose you want to convey this controversial idea: Obama is a rapist.

That’s juicy, isn’t it? Because you are a giddy, excited right-wing conservative, you are just tickled and delighted by the thought of spreading this notion around.

But you can’t just …. say it. Then, someone might be able to claim that you are wrong. And it’s important that you never be wrong.

“I don’t know if you have noticed, but nobody has been denying that Obama is a rapist!”

So what you do, is you dress it up. You put the thing you want to say inside another statement… importantly, the other statement has to be something that is true. And you let innuendo and implication do the rest.

“People have been telling me Obama is a rapist.”

It’s all more or less a variation of the Fox News “some say” tactic of reporting, except Rush Limbaugh is so much better at it than Fox News. He would never be as crass as to simply say “Some say….” He always has something just slightly more clever than that.

“Now, I haven’t seen any proof that Obama is a rapist, but ask yourself this: Isn’t that consistent with the things you already know about him?”

Many of these strategies involve asking questions rather than making statements. If it’s just a question, then you can never accuse him of being “wrong”, because he never actually said anything.

Another good strategy is to divert the entire conversation to motivations and implications, so that the basic “fact” is never an assertion but just a pre-supposition of the statements you are making.

“Now, it’s only natural that Obama would not want people to think of him as a rapist. So we have to ask the question, what could Obama do in order to stop speculation like that from spreading through the press?”

Notice that there is nothing in the above statements that could be considered “false”. Pretty brilliant, huh?

Do not doubt me on this, my friends! I know of what I speak, and after decades of training and analysis, I can see the truth very clearly… and this is very clearly the brilliant, mastermind strategy employed by the great el-Rushbo.

You want to never be wrong about anything? You can do the same thing, too.

 


Rush Limbaugh


One Reply to “Why Rush Limbaugh is never wrong, and will never be sued”

  1. Freud said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but I believe it usually represents a dick. As did Freud believe.

    So Rush has never denied that he’s a stupid cocksucker, who is very comfortable with sucking a cock while he acts macho; who’s to criticise me for believing that he’s a stupid cocksucker and his stupid macho routine is just a cover?

    I’m just asking: why does he want to look like he’s sucking a cock?

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