Corporations are not only people, they are GREAT people. They are AWESOME people. They contribute to society in a positive way, unlike poor people and Democrats. Conservatives shouldn’t shy away from this basic fact. It’s a core part of conservative ideology, and there is nothing wrong with it: corporations matter, people who are not corporations…. not so much.
In celebration of the awesomeness of corporate persons, we present to you three special examples that demonstrate the fact that corporations aren’t just people…. they are a higher quality of person than you are.
Example #1: When a corporation kills an employee by deliberately not following safety guidelines, it’s a misdemeanor. When an employee embezzles money from a company, it’s a felony.
Example #2: The maximum penalty for an individual using insider trading to steal from a corporation is $5 million and 20 years in prison. The maximum penalty for a corporation allowing safety violations that seriously endanger the lives of its employees: $7,000.
Example #3: The minimum penalty for a person who fails to obey a cease-and-desist order issued by a corporation: 6 months in prison. The minimum penalty for a corporation that kills an employee through negligence: nothing… OSHA does not require any minimum penalties.