Real Christians would just nuke Iraq and get it over with

Today’s letter comes from a woman seeking spiritual advice about the war in Iraq.

Dear Pastor Gregory,

I’m sure you’ve heard the news; President Obama is sending 275 god-fearing soldiers into the heart of Iraq. I wasn’t really shocked, I mean, those people are lunatic Islam-maniacs who gleefully strap bombs to one another and commit suicide!! Honestly, I was hoping POTUS would have sent more soldiers to kill the terrorists… it’s for the sake of our freedom and our children! Isn’t this whole terrorist-islamaniac thing a work of Satan? And if so, shouldn’t we just wipe out the Iraqi’s the way God wants to wipe out Satan?

Really though, What Would Jesus Do?

Sincerely,
Jessica

My dear Jessica,

You are exactly right Jessica, 275 U.S. Armed Forces are NOT enough.

You ask WWJD? After much solemn prayer and thoughtful, calm contemplation, I can tell you that God spoke to me, and told me that Jesus would NUKE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY UNTIL IT GLOWS GREEN WITH RADIOACTIVE DUST.

 

As you know, the Bible teaches us that Jesus is fully man and fully Divine. That means when God’s Word tells of Sodom and Gomorrah’s gay-mafia taking control, God aka Jesus, “rained sulfur and fire from heaven” (Genesis 19:24-25); when Pharaoh wasn’t listening to Moses, Jesus “struck down all the firstborn in the land of Egypt” (Exodus 12:29); and when Jericho refused God’s will He “utterly destroy all…men and women, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword” (Joshua 6:21).

Our country was founded upon these very scriptures and our Founding Fathers fought for our freedoms with guns, God, and guts – not by some pseudo-pacifist world-peace utopian liberalism but REAL WARFARE!!! Mr. Obama needs to crack open his dusty Bible and take notes from the warrior God of the Old Testament, who struck down people of other religions and slaughtered lost souls with burning wrath!

I also not the only one who believes this. For a long time, our soldiers were being taught that Jesus loves nukes, and that if we ever did enter into nuclear war with another country, it would be because God willed it.

Moreover, conservative patriarch Glenn Beck has spoken out, supporting a full-blown war asking, “What in the hell are 275 people going to do?” He rightfully called this infinitesimal surge a “suicide mission!”

I’d like you to think about that, Jessica: What Obama is ordering is a suicide mission.

Doesn’t that sound familiar? Who else does suicide missions? That’s right: terrorists.

As if we needed more proof that Obama is secretly in league with Al-Qaeda.

Keep speaking out,
Pastor Gregory

 

photo credit: Reuters
photo credit: Reuters

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