Republicans finally admit economy is improving; say racism is to blame

Over the past week, several notable Republicans have finally admitted that the economy is improving.

“We’ve been denying it for five years now, and it’s been pretty exhausting,” admitted one chief aid to a prominent orange-hued Republican on the condition of anonymity. “But between unemployment being the best it has been since Bush, the stock market reaching record highs, and the deficit being the best it’s been since Bush… it’s gotten to the point where it’s just difficult to deny.”

Of course, since the media storyline for years has been that we are in a terrible, floundering recovery, there have been a lot of facts that the media was simply unable to talk about. One low-level script writer on the Fox News journalism team even confessed, “The list of things we weren’t allowed to talk about was getting so long, it was getting to be a challenge just to fill up the prime-time slots with anything even remotely political.”

LUCKILY, THAT HAS NOW ALL CHANGED!

Despite admitting that every single sign shows that the economy is improving, key Republicans were able to find a way to spin it to their benefit…

…they have decided to blame racism!

 

“It’s basically a form of affirmative action. It has to be. How else can you explain a recovery under a black president being better than a recovery under a white president?”

 

Jobs are improving faster under Obama because of RACISM.

“The insight really hit me when I saw this graph from the Department of Labor,” said an anonymous Congressman who looks suspiciously like Eddie Munster. “It shows that private-sector job gains after the 2009 recession have been faster than the private sector job gains after the 2002 recession. Now I thought to myself, how could that be? In 2002 the President was George Bush, and in 2009 the President was Barack Obama. See what I mean? I think you know what I’m getting at.

Back in October 2013, Rush Limbaugh observed that people are scared to oppose Obama because Obama is black. The reasoning is simple: if you in any way try to hinder Obama’s success, then you will be called “racist”, which of course is just mean. Oh and by the way it’s also racist because calling something “racist” is inherently racist, and not wanting to do things that seem racist IS ALSO RACIST.

Looking at the above graph, some people say it’s obvious┬áthat the private sector is ONLY HIRING NEW PEOPLE out of fear of doing something to make Obama look bad, and therefore being called “racist”, which of course is also racist.

I mean, why else would the recovery under the black guy be going better than the recovery under the white guy did?

There really can’t be any other explanation, right?


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