Paul Ryan has a history of producing the bestest budgets that solve all of the world’s problems. They are filled with awesomesauce and can be expected to end all poorness and debt by the year 2050. Unfortunately, big mean liberals have not actually allowed any of his previous budgets to get any further than the House of Representatives. But that hasn’t stopped him from trying, and trying, and trying.
We looked at his latest budget, and we have dug up all of the most awesome things about it. Look and see.
1. It raises taxes on middle class families with children!
Now, liberals are going to cry about this, which is weird because usually they love raising taxes. But this is actually GREAT because the extra tax money won’t be used for stupid liberal things like paying for roads or food stamps: it will be used to pay for tax breaks for people with incomes over $1 million. SCORE!
2. It cuts investments in roads and bridges.
This goes without saying. Roads and bridges are French and gay. Roads meet the Wikipedia definition of socialism. Any road that isn’t a private toll road is destroying our national morality.
Besides, we need that money for the people with incomes over $1 million.
3. It cuts every level of education from early childhood to community college.
Again, pretty obvious: so-called “education” is really indoctrination where people learn that carbon dioxide traps heat, the earth is more than 6000 years old, and sometimes biological organisms change from one generation to the next. Obviously all lies straight from the pit of hell. Children are much better off learning everything they need to know from Hobby Lobby.
Additionally, we need the extra money for the people with incomes over $1 million.
4. It would slash food stamps.
Food stamps make people lazy and poor. Do you want proof? Think about shows you’ve seen on the history channel about the way things were, say, 4000 years ago. Nobody was lazy back then, right? No, they all hunted and gathered and ran away from big animals. None of them were lazy.
And also: there were no food stamps. I rest my case.
Additionally, we need that money for people with incomes over $1 million.
But most importantly…..
5. It completely repeals the Affordable Care Act
We are so excited about this we just can’t contain ourselves. We’ve been beating the drum about wanted Obamacare repealed for so long we’ve actually forgotten why… except that it has something to do with freedom.
Freedom, my friends. Granted, this budget will raise the health care costs for millions of families and businesses. It will eliminate the coverage for the 3 million young adults who have gained coverage by staying on their parent’s plan through Obamacare. It will eliminate coverage for the millions of people who have signed up for private insurance plans through the Marketplaces. And it will eliminate coverage for the millions of people who gained coverage through the expansion of Medicaid.
Isn’t that AWESOME? This is what freedom tastes like.
Thank you, Paul Ryan.
Ryan’s Budget Would Cut $5 Trillion in Spending Over a Decade
Reid: Paul Ryan’s budget a blueprint for ‘Kochtopia’
Obama White House Drops A Fact Bomb That Eviscerates Paul Ryan’s Bogus Budget