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Re: Re: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is ALL YOURS, JC! FOFLLLL

Fred Phelps is dead, and will probably go to heaven

Fred Phelps is dead. According to the rules, he goes to heaven. That’s where things get a little awkward.

I have no intention of explaining how the correspondence which I now offer to the public fell into my hands. These emails between two very high-ranking members of the church would obviously normally be private. Once I gained access to them, however, I felt it was my duty and obligation to leak them to the public.

Note: Please do not try to make sense of the timestamps on these emails. Clearly the inhabitants of the astral planes measure and experience time differently from us, and use their own notation.

Enjoy.


date: 13.0.1.4.13 | 2 B’en | 11 kumk’u | G3 T 93458995
from: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
to: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
subject: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
hahaha looks like I beat you at your own game rookie! That douche Fred Phelps was doing it all in your name. He’s been praying that silly prayer of salvation for years! He invites you into his heart and then tells the entire world you hate them. Suckerrrrr.
date: 13.0.1.4.13 | 2 B’en | 11 kumk’u | G3 T 98123337
from: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
to: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
subject: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
No way he’s YOURS, bitch!We’ve been in meetings all day but the Holy Spirit, the Father, and I are re-working the way we let folks in da hiz-ouse. No more of that silly “accept me into your heart” crap.You get Fred. Ain’t nobody got time for that up in here!The Arch Angel Michael has already chained himself to the gates to protest the idea that he might have to deal with Phelps. Ugh.
date: 13.0.1.4.14 | 3 Ix | 12 kumk’u | G4 T 00104562
from: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
to: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
subject: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
I never thought I’d say this, so don’t go running your holy rolling mouth, but I can’t have someone who might very well be MORE OF A JERK THAN I AM hanging around.I created that monster, and I’m pretty damn proud….. but the WHOLE POINT was that he’d be sent up with y’all!!!!HE’S A CHRISTIAN WHO FOLLOWS YOUR RULES. Not my problem, JC! Not my problem!PS. I may or may not have dared Michael to do that protest. Did you see the one sign he held, “God Hates Fred!” – see what I did there? Muahaha
date: 13.0.1.4.14 | 3 Ix | 12 kumk’u | G4 T 00199997
from: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
to: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
subject: Re: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
You DO REALIZE I’m the one in charge here! MY kingdom. I let you play your little evil games, but I could stop you at any point IF I WANTED TO. Fred goes to you, end of story. Don’t make me give u a beat down.You know I can’t have a homophobe all up in here! We play harps and fly around on clouds half naked, for dad’s sake! Not to mention, I just “came out” to heaven a few centuries ago and everyone is still camping out on that one silly verse Paul wrote in Romans – GOD DIDN’T EVEN MEAN THAT WTF!!!!!111
date: 13.0.1.4.14 | 3 Ix | 12 kumk’u | G4 T 00436532
from: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
to: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
Bwahahaha! What-EVER. I love that “your people” hate just about everyone different from them. Fred’s no different, just the best at it! He even hates you!But this is why I love you so much, bro. “if you wanted to”??? u just admitted that you LET ME DO ALL MY DIRTY WORK!!Doesn’t that make YOU the bad guy? Sinner.
 
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