Liberals like making fun of Republicans because, despite claims to be “laser-focused on job creation“, they seem to be talking about pretty much anything except improving jobs for the American people.
But liberals have got it wrong. They just don’t understand. Republicans have been working non-stop on job creation… at the state level. They have just kept it a secret.
So, we now proudly reveal to you: the Republican jobs plan…. already in progress!
Step 1. Allow guns EVERYWHERE.
Republicans lawmakers in Georgia are demonstrating their laser focus on getting the people of their state to work by making it legal to bring guns into bars. While liberals might think this has nothing to do with jobs, they are wrong. Obviously, people who are brain-dead drunk to carry firearms will create demand for a wide variety of jobs, including law enforcement professionals and emergency care surgeons.
Obviously, any law that makes it more likely that someone rip-roaring drunk will fire off a shot is part of the Republican “jobs plan”.
Step 2. Legalize discrimination.
Republicans lawmakers in Arizona have passed laws that make it legal to deny goods and services to gay people. This is clearly part of a larger job-creation vision. Just think about all of the scared, narrow-minded, bigoted potential employers out there who say to themselves, “Golly, I have a perfect business idea that would make tons of money, and I have the means to start this business, but I AM SO FRIGHTENED I MIGHT HAVE TO PROVIDE SERVICES TO GAY PEOPLE that I just won’t do it!”
Clearly, any bill legalizing discrimination is part of the Republican “jobs plan”.
Step 3. Outlaw abortion
Republicans in several states have been working almost non-stop to outlaw abortions and put doctors in jail. Now, some liberals ridiculously claim that this has nothing to do with jobs. But this is because they are short-sighted. This is part of the Republican long-term jobs plan. You see, when children are born into homes that may not be able to care for them effectively or support them financially, more families are plunged into poverty. Since Republicans also are against providing any assistance to these families after the children are born, these people will be desperately poor and willing to work for crap wages. This will depress pay and allow companies to hire people for almost nothing. Additionally, all of these poor people will be more likely to suffer from untreated healthcare problems, in addition to all of the health problems associated with people who will try to perform back-alley abortions and end up hurting themselves as a result, which will create more jobs for medical workers in emergency care facilities, and of course more jobs for people who build coffins.
So, see? Once again: a Republican jobs plan.
Now the only real question is… why aren’t all of the Republicans proudly advertising this jobs plan?
I can’t imagine.