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5 new Obama executive orders that will SHOCK YOU!

Obama has declared his intent to become the first American dictator by issuing executive orders. This is an unprecedented power grab that hasn’t been seen during any presidency in my memory, which goes back to January 20, 2009. Our first president, Jefferson Davis, must be rolling over in his grave.

Now, some liberals get hung up on the “actual number” of executive orders that Obama has signed. But that misses the point completely: it’s a slippery slope. If we don’t stop Obama now, these are just five of the horrific executive orders that he DEFINITELY WILL SIGN WHEN HE GETS THE CHANCE!

1. An executive order removing English as our official language

It’s a pretty well-documented fact that Barack Obama has already used an executive order to remove the birth certificate requirement for actors in Coca-Cola Super Bowl commercials, but could he use this power to erase our national language altogether?  Liberals will tell you that this is “nonsense” because America doesn’t have a national language, but they are wrong.  It’s in the Constitution right after the part declaring that the United States is a Christian nation. Look it up!

2. An executive order enforcing the third comma in the second amendment

Everyone knows that grammar is for sissy liberals, and guns are for real-Americans. The internet tells me that the third comma in the second amendment was added by sissy liberals who want to take guns away. Some people think interpreting the second amendment is complex and nuanced, but that’s stupid: just like there is only one way to interpret the Bible, there is only one way to interpret the second amendment.  We are not going to let Obama and his Grammar Gestapo tell us otherwise.

3. An executive order renaming the “War of Northern Aggression” as the “Civil War”

Obama has been revising history ever since he forged his birth certificate when he was 13 minutes old in Kenya. What is to stop him from doing the same to American history? If Obama is able to change the name of the war that separated the North from Real-America, he may even get people to believe the liberal myth that it had something to do with slavery. After all, he is OBSESSED with race. Obsessed! You can’t even shoot an unarmed black kid without hearing him complain about it.

4. An executive order forcing science and religion to be taught in separate classrooms

For some time, we have known about Obama’s desire to remove religion from science class and eventually from the entire American continent.  Just think about it!  If teachers convince enough of our children that we evolved from apes, eventually they will start acting like apes.  Have you ever seen an ape that practices Christianity?  I didn’t think so.

5. An executive order limiting the number of things named after Ronald Reagan

Let’s face it. If you add up all the things named after Ronald Reagan and multiply by two, the answer is still “not enough.”  We must do everything we can to preserve his memory and fight back against anything that would tarnish it, like naming a street or library after literally anyone else.

Obama has issued more executive orders when calculated by the worseness of the orders and what he really wants to do in his heart

This is what’s at stake, real-America. I’ve presented you with the facts and some well-educated predictions. Now it’s up to you. This tyrant has ruled against our will for far too long, but all hope is not lost. If we work hard enough to prevent “you know who” from voting, the Republican Party might just have what it takes to stop Barack Obama from becoming a three term president!!

 
1 Comment  comments 

One Response

  1. My fear is that your readers, too many of them, will not recognize parody when it hits them in the face.

    That chart, for example, is pure hoax. Ha.

    Beware of hoaxes. They can come back to bite you, as did H. L. Mencken’s hoax about Millard Fillmore’s putting the first bathtub in the White House. Mencken found he couldn’t take back the hoax.

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