In this new year of 2014, the mid-term elections will dominate the messy political landscape. But I think it’s important we keep our Republican eyes on the ultimate prize: the Presidency.
2013 was full of campaign rumors, most notably the wife of the former orally fixated impeached president Bill Clinton: Hillary Clinton. It’s said she’ll be running on the Socialist Democrat platform, and has a frightening agenda: funding baby-killing-abortion-clinics, continuing to strengthen socialized healthcare, and furthering the homosexuals as they destroy the traditional values of marriage and family.
I believe God is speaking to America. God is trying to tell us who the new conservative Republican should be – or rather, who this new conservative Republican MUST be – to fight liberalism and lead us into the next conservative age.
At the very tail end of 2013, we saw one of the most pure and elegant expressions of today’s conservative philosophy. What God was showing us was a clear vision of exactly what the next Republican presidential candidate should look and sound like, and even who that candidate should be.
The next Republican presidential candidate must have a strong stance on gay marriage:
“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph it out from there — bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman, and that woman and those men.”
The next Republican presidential candidate must despise most people… or at least, a good solid 47% of them:
“Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won’t inherit the kingdom of God.”
The next Republican presidential candidate must have a poetically conservative position on race in America:
“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them… They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’ — not a word! … Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”
And the next Republican presidential candidate must support traditional values:
“Look, you wait ’til they get to be 20 years old the only picking that’s going to take place is your pocket. You got to marry these girls when they are about 15 or 16. They’ll pick your ducks.”
That’s right! In case you haven’t guessed yet: Our next president will be Phil Robertson, from the popular T.V. show Duck Dynasty.
Phil Robertson would be an ideal representative of American conservatism, and would be a man fighting “against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12).
2016: VOTE FOR PHIL!
And remember: you saw it predicted here first!!