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The 10 Best REAL American Patriots of 2013

2013 was a complicated year for the conservative movement, filled with ups and downs.

After losing the Presidency again to Barack Hussein Obama, thanks to the corporate media, patriots in Congress successfully shut down the government in order to send Obama’s approval ratings plummeting. It was revealed that 100% of people enrolled in Obamacare will eventually die.

We are now closer than ever before to full repeal, giving millions of Americans the freedom to not have health coverage and be forced to file for bankruptcy when faced with unforeseen medical problems. Thank goodness liberty is not yet dead in America.

Yet, picking the ten most exemplary conservatives of 2013 is a daunting task. The RINO (Republican in name only) is not yet extinct. The Democrat party will continue in 2014 to drop imposters into our family to tear us apart from the inside.

But at least we have these ten REAL American patriots who showed their stuff in 2013!

10. Saxby Chambliss
saxbymugLast year, the documentary The Invisible War was released, earning an Oscar nomination and blowing the lid off an epidemic of rape and sexual assault in the military. Since, there has been public pressure and bipartisan movement on passing legislation to remedy the institutional practices that allow for this behavior to flourish.

But luckily Saxby Chambliss (R-Georgia) was there to speak out against people who are opposed to the rape of men and women in the military. He very scientifically pointed out that rape is nothing more than the product of “the hormone level created by nature.”

Thank you, Saxby Chambliss. “Boys will be boys” IS a suitable defense for an institution that does little to prevent rape and stifles the efforts of victims to get justice! Tell it like it is.

9. Paula Deen
deenmug
The first of several non-politicians on this list who were persecuted by the corporate media when they acted upon their Constitutional rights, Paula Deen stuck up for herself while being attacked for things any great American would do.

When asked in a deposition whether she had used the N-word, Deen answered “Yes, of course”. And for some reason, people acted shocked by the idea that an older woman from the South would say a word that every older woman from the South says.

Since it’s obvious that racism in America no longer exists, what’s the big deal if you also plan a “true Southern plantation-style” wedding with an all-black wait staff? Obviously it can’t be racist if an old, white woman from the South does it.

8. Rush Limbaugh
Ronald-Regan-at-lost-pines-art-bazaar
For conservatives and Democrat party sympathizers alike, Rush Limbaugh is the gift that keeps on giving. The latter love to use Limbaugh as the poster child for everything “wrong” with the conservative movement, while we real Americans know that he is actually the sole remaining horcrux of Ronald Reagan.

I could write an entire top ten list of all the great things Limbaugh has said this year, but I will only highlight one in particular. Limbaugh recognized that the “war on women” is actually being fought by the Democrats, not by the Republicans who want to eradicate Planned Parenthood, an organization that uses the majority of its resources to provide affordable pap smears and mammograms to low-income women. As he eloquently put it, liberals are “demeaning [women], they’re turning them into nothing but abortion machines.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. How dare women choose not to have children instead of increasing their dependence on the welfare state, which is also unacceptable… or something.

7. Mike Huckabee
huckabee01
Mike Huckabee would have been on this list just because his performances with his band on the weekend Fox show that shares his name are simply adorable. Huckabee is the embodiment of everything right with the Republicans party: he says things that pinko-commie liberals say are “horrifying”, and he says them in the most folksy, likable way.

Nothing reflects this better than this comment he made on homosexical marriage. “Holy matrimony is formed into an unholy pretzel,” Huckabee said this year.

Think about what he is saying there. Now think about it some more. I can only assume he is talking about pretzel dogs when he says “unholy pretzel,” because men have wieners and pretzel dogs are literally wieners covered in pretzel. So next time you go to Auntie Ann’s, remember that men are having gay sex with your food.

6. Rand Paul
randpaul
As a journalist, I take my job very seriously. Never have I tried to use sarcasm and satire to prove a point contrary to what my words literally say. I am genuinely a conservative. In no way does my personal Facebook page say I am “very liberal,” nor am I the Vice President of my university’s Young Democrats club. I have never shot marijuana into my veins, nor did I once have a not-entirely unpleasant gay experience at space camp.

This is why I absolutely do not mind when people like Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) plagiarize from writers like myself, who make our living on the value of our intellectual property. Rand Paul believes in free markets and free people, so why should he be held under the tyrannical rules of copyright law? As long as he is plagiarizing from people who say the right thing, that’s fine.

I would love if Rand Paul plagiarized from me, personally.

5. Todd Kincannon
Todd Kincannon
You’re probably wondering “Who is Todd Kincannon?” He is the former executive director of the South Carolina GOP, and I’m sure this is not the last you will hear from him. The GOP is currently looking to the future with a lack of real leaders going forward. Names like Marco Rubio and Chris Christie get thrown into the mix, but the real future of conservative politics is this man. He says what he thinks and does so with such flair that he will continue to rustle the jimmies of liberals for years to come.

All of his insightful remarks have come from social networking site Twitter, which means he’s young and hip with the cool kids. On October 14, Kincannon said “There are people who respect transgender rights. And there are people who think you should all be put in a camp. That’s me.”

Months before that, he tweeted “It hasn’t been this dark in the Superdome since all those poors occupied it after Hurricane Katrina” during the Super Bowl when there was a power outage during the game. While these comments got national media attention, nobody in the GOP showed any disgust with Kincannon….

……and why would they?

4. Phil Robertson
Man With Beard
Phil Robertson is an American hero for one simple reason. He managed to get all of your Facebook friends who could not care less about politics or the Constitution to suddenly transform into experts on the first amendment.

Robertson, star of the hit A&E reality show Duck Dynasty, where a bunch of rich guys act like poor guys, said a number of completely reasonable things that any real American Christian would believe,  like that gays are “full of hate and murder” and that black people were “happier before the civil rights movement”.

According to 31 of my 34 Facebook friends (I’m very popular), it is actually the LIBERALS who are intolerant of Phil Robertson! To fire anybody because of their beliefs is covered under free speech provided by the first amendment, and having ANY problem with his comments is discrimination against him as a Christian. Make sense? No? Too bad.

3. George Zimmerman
George Zimmerman
George Zimmerman is an inspiration to all of us, not only as an American patriot but simply as a human being. He taught us all this year to never let anyone stop you from doing what you know in your heart is white…I mean, right.

When the police told him not to pursue a teenager walking home from a convenience store who Zimmerman was a threat, he didn’t listen. When the American public demanded “Justice for Trayvon,” he defied them and was acquitted of all charges. When his legal counsel told him to lay low after the trial, he immediately pulled a person out of a car and had the cops called on him twice for domestic disturbances.

Zimmerman’s story is the American story. Whenever he has the opportunity to intervene in a situation he has no business to be a part of, he does so anyway. What could possibly be more American than that?

2. Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin is the Joan of Arc of our times. She is a warrior in every sense of the word, whether she’s hunting big game or seeking vengeance against anyone she may disagree with… or even worse, who criticizes her.

Remember in 2008 when she just about said ad infinitum that President Obama associates himself with terrorists? Nobody reprimanded her for this; it has been lost to history. In the same year, Katie Couric was taken through the ringer for trying to embarrass her on national television. Five years later, Palin’s immunity remains just as strong.

This year, Palin compared the national debt to “slavery” and was not called out by anybody for this… except by one person. That person was MSNBC host Martin Bashir, who said her analogy was “abominable to anyone who knows anything about slavery’s barbaric history” and went into a graphic description of how slaves were treated, directly from the diary of Thomas Thistlewood. He went on to say “When Mrs. Palin invokes slavery, she doesn’t just prove her rank ignorance. She confirms if anyone truly qualified for a dose of discipline from Thomas Thistlewood, she would be the outstanding candidate.” In layman’s terms, he said that somebody should poop in her mouth.

Guess who no longer works for MSNBC. Guess who still is a frequent contributor to Fox News. Sarah Palin is the most powerful conservative in the country and completely immune to criticism. Only one person could even dream of matching that kind of power over the political discourse in 2013, and that person is…

1. Zach Heltzel
Zach Heltzel is the only true patriot
Me.

When I was first approached by LiberalBias.com to be a guest commentator in September of 2012, I was asked to bring a unique perspective to the site, which continues to lead the internet in exposing liberal bias. The site has grown exponentially in the last year thanks to the efforts of editor-in-chief Greg Stevens and the rest of the staff.

More importantly, LiberalBias has been the ONLY source of shocking breaking news that has resulted in all of us being placed on numerous government watchlists. In the last 12 months, this is what I have brought to light:

As traditional news media crumbles, I have single-handedly proven that intrepid reporting can still get through the filter of censorship and oppression by the Obama administration.

It’s safe to say I am the only person who can save America, and I promise I will not let you down.

 
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