Invest in global warming

Reclaiming Language for the Right!

This article is part of a series that explores the ways that conservatives can “take back” some of the phrases that Democrats have been using to push the liberal agenda. Check out the whole series.

Social Justice
Invest in Change

It’s a beautiful 72 degrees here in San Diego. The sky is a rich blue that blankets over every direction, and the suns rays are dancing off every object that moves by my office window. It couldn’t get much better than this, and to be honest with you, it rarely does – it’s always this perfect!

With weather like this I just can’t understand why the so-called “science loving liberals” think the world is ending because of global warming!?

Supporters of climate change were in full attack mode as they found out another one of their “theories” (just like the theory of evolution) was drowning at sea as the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change met in Sweden a few days ago to discuss the latest climate findings.

Their conclusion: Earth’s surface temperature has remained pretty much the same for the past 15 years. Take that, environmentalists.

Global Warming? Nuh uh!

But if for some reason these recent findings aren’t correct, if the many many reports on Fox News are wrong, if somehow the 97 percent of environmental experts and peer-reviewed climate studies affirming the rapid global warming over the past 60 years are actually correct, and if it is true that 97 percent of native forests are destroyed, and if it is true that 200 species are driven extinct each and every day, and if it is true that in 1986 the human population reached Earth’s carrying capacity, and if it is true that we have overexploited fisheries, overgrazed pastures, destroyed ecosystems, polluted our oceans and intoxicated the atmosphere…..

…then why don’t we simply embrace, and invest in, the change?

Liberals complain that global warming would raise sea levels and put much of our land underwater. But we don’t need the land or the soil we walk on today! With enough spending, research, and product development we as the human race could live on top of the water! Walmart, hospitals, office buildings, suburbs, dog parks, universities, hair salons, and every other imaginable space needed for life could be built above water. We can create habitats for animals, grow food from engineered seeds, and even have an entire season of water-sport Olympics!

Liberals complain the global warming would lead to mass extinctions of large numbers of animal species. But we don’t need all of these extra animals hanging around. With more spending and research, we could discover exactly which animals are actually important, we can focus on just saving those animals, for example in small refrigerated coolers. Or, we could simply build animal robots to replace them.

Finally, liberals complain that global warming could lead to deaths from heat stroke and other heat-related health problems. But this is a ridiculous argument, since we invented air conditioning a long time ago. If Barack Hussein Obama just took his boot off the necks of businesses and freed them from unnecessary regulations, then I’m sure the prices of air conditioners would drop enough for poor people to afford them, too.

All it takes is believing in the American spirit of innovation!


Climate change is obviously false BUT JUST IN CASE IT ISN’T …. Barrack Hussein Obama needs to get his greedy hands off the tech-industries so that we can invest in a new, globally-warmed future!

2 Replies to “Invest in global warming”

  1. Hey there, I think your website is great. Just so you know, the saying “reality has a well-known liberal bias” is a quote from Stephen Colbert. You might want to cite him on your page as the author of that quote.

    1. Thanks for your note! I actually thought that we had referenced him in our “About” page, but looking now it appears not. Thanks for bringing this to my attention; I’ll be sure to add it!

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