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Real conservatives drink oil.

Thank God for Texans! In Texas, people know that oil and money are way more important than water.

Dying of Thirst is the American Way

Original artwork by Hergé of Tin Tin comics.

 

There is a story that has been completely misrepresented by the liberally bias media.

Across Texas, there are small towns that are completely drying up because the oil industry is using all of their water for fracking.

According to an article in The Guardian, farms are literally drying up, and cattle-herders are losing animals and even having to move or close down, because the wells are going dry.

If the current heat-wave and dryness continue for much longer, with oil companies shipping out what little water exists within town borders, these small population centers could become ghost towns.

The Guardian, a pinko liberally biased publication, calls this a “tragedy”.

THIS IS NOT A TRAGEDY! THIS IS A SUCCESS!

Nay, this is a symbolic embodiment of Freedom Itself!

 

What the liberally biased media won’t tell you is that the oil companies aren’t exactly “stealing” the water from these towns: the people in these towns are selling it willingly.

That’s right! Freedom-loving patriots in Texas, who worship the only two true gods, Jesus and the Bottom Line, just can’t help themselves when the oil companies back a truck load of cash up against their garage doors.

And they literally don’t see a problem with sucking every last drop of water out of their environment until the earth as dry and orange as John Boehner’s post-tan afterglow.

Larry Baxter, for example, is a resident of the small town Mertzon, TX, who is quoted by the Guardian as saying: “People use their water for food and fibre. I choose to use my water to sell to the oil field… I don’t see any difference.”

Only a true patriot could say that he sees no difference between selling water to oil companies, and using it to…. well, you know…. drink and grow food.

If you’re a real conservative, you don’t need water. You drink oil.

 

Seriously, though. Like all good conservatives, he’s motivated by money. If he sucks 20 to 30 trucks’ worth of water out of the ground each day and sells it to the oil companies, he can easily make $36,000 a month.

Of course, when you’re shipping 20 to 30 trucks of water out of a town with very limited wells, eventually you end up with less of a town and more of a tumble weed farm.

But, dude…. $36,000 per month! That’s what freedom is all about!

 
2 Comments  comments 

2 Responses

  1. WildSweetnCool

    great piece. well-written, concise, worth reading! thanks.

  2. […] gold. Liquid prosperity. Conservatives know that oil is better than anything else in the earth, including water. As a result, Republicans have been working tirelessly to convince the world’s weakest […]

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