Everybody is expecting the Supreme Court to rule on Marriage Equality within the next week. Nobody knows what they will decide… but at least I can tell you what our Republican leaders will be thinking.
If the Supreme Court rules to support same-sex marriage, even in part, we know what Republicans will think…
Pat Robertson
“God will be upset with America, and no doubt there will be tornadoes in Oklahoma and hurricanes in the Gulf as punishment.”
Alex Jones
“This is totally bogus! A man can marry another man, but I still can’t marry my gun!”
NRA
“We have instructed ALEC to create a Stand Your Ground so you can shoot a guy you thought was gonna try to gay marry you.
You’re welcome.”
Bryan Fischer
“Maybe gay marriage isn’t in the Constitution, but you just go to Leviticus. That’s what Thomas Jefferson would do.”
Louie Gohmert
“The way my dog explained this to me is that now he and I have to get married. I warned you people this would happen.”
Steve King
“None of the Founders were gay married, so no one should be able to get gay married now.”
Scalia
“I’m sick of decisions upholding Obama’s agenda. The Founders didn’t let women vote, so why they allowed on my Supreme Court?”
Sarah Palin
“All that legal mumbo jumbo to justify what we know is wrong. The Founding Fathers weren’t lawyers, so why are lawyers in charge now?!”
Ms. Lindsey Graham
“WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME???”
Of course, it is always possible that the decision will go the other way, and that DOMA and Proposition 8 will both be upheld. In that case, it is also clear what our Republican leaders will be thinking…
Rick Santorum
“I’m sure relieved the 14th Amendment doesn’t apply to gays!”
Bryan Fischer
“This is a great day. Our 1st Amendment right to have a Christian theocracy has been upheld.”
Rick Perry
“I hope the Boy Scouts see this and go back to banning gay scouts, because only straight boys deserve to get life lessons.”
Mike Huckabee
“Great news! Let’s all go to Chick-fil-A!”
Michele Bachmann
“This gives me great hope that God will also get the Senate and Obama to overturn Obamacare too.”
Ms. Lindsey Graham
“WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME???”
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With the risk of stating the obvious, I must say I find it hilarious about Bryan Fischer. Thomas Jefferson would have gone to the Leviticus for legislation in a country that was intended to be secular, with no religion held above another, and even nonbelievers accepted?
What some of those blockheads don’t understand, is that a secular State doesn’t mean that the people can’t be religious, the religious ones just wouldn’t be able to force their ideas on others through, say, a legislative majority, however unfairly obtained.
Come to think of it, that’s what bothers these guys so much! They cant force others to suffer the way they do. 😀
[…] 4: The Supreme Court’s Big Gay Decision, 12 Jun 2013, by […]
The Supreme Court needs to support same-sex marriage. Amen.