GOP TIP: How to answer opinion polls

Opinion Poll Translation

Opinion poll results have become increasingly weird in the last year. Luckily, we are here  to explain what these results mean, and give you instructions on how YOU should answer political opinion polls.

The weirdness is this: if we take poll results at face value, it looks suspiciously as though Republicans believe some…. <ahem> questionable things. For example, a great deal of fun has been made about the fact that 20% of Republicans believe that Obama is the antichrist, and 58% of Republicans think that Global Warming is not only “false” but is a conspiracy.

IRS Debate Opinion PollBut even with beliefs that are not as wacky, it seems that being a Republican is almost completely predictive of what facts you are willing to accept as “true”.

Republicans, by a large margin, think that Obama’s explanations of the current IRS “scandal” do not make sense, in sharp contrast to… well, everyone else, who think that Obama’s arguments do make sense.

Similarly, the population of people who believe that the “Benghazi scandal” is the “worst scandal ever” is made up almost entirely of Republicans, and nobody else.

Is it really true that Democrats and Republicans have such drastically different ideas about what is “believable” and what is not? Or what is “the worse scandal” and what is not?

The simple answer is this: No.  Republicans are simply answering polls in their own unique and patriotic way.

See the sample image above.

If you are a Republican, you know that these are desperate times. As a result, if you have the opportunity to answer a political opinion poll, you know that you have one and only one goal: TO MAKE SURE THE WORLD KNOWS THAT OBAMA SUCKS.

It doesn’t actually matter what the opinion poll is asking about. Your task is simply to choose whatever answer will convey the fact THAT OBAMA SUCKS.

Therefore, a question about Global Warming will have two possible answers: A) Global warming exists, or B) Obama Sucks

And a question about Benghazi will have two possible answers: A) Benghazi is not the worst thing ever, or B) Obama Sucks

And a question about whether the White House lied about… anything… will have two possible answer: A) The White House didn’t lie, or B) Obama Sucks.

You get the idea.

So please make sure you use this technique if ever YOU are called upon to answer a political opinion poll.  Remember, it doesn’t actually matter if you’ve even heard of the topic they are asking about.

Just make sure you choose the answer that corresponds to: Obama Sucks.

Doing anything else, well… that might just lead to Liberal Bias!!!!


3 Replies to “GOP TIP: How to answer opinion polls”

  1. It’s neat how all the lame stream medias public opinion polls make sure that;
    1.) Any answer you give, or select, supports the Democrat/Liberal/Socialist?, philosophy and/or Obama.
    2.) The majority of those responding are Liberal/Democrat/Left Wing/Socialist/etc/etc/etc…

    It’s also neat how you guys will probably lose this comment because you just can’t take it. Dish it out, oh yeah!
    I notice that there are NO comments on this blog post…meaning that all the comments you’ve received have been less than flattering to Liberal Bias!

    1. Just out of curiosity: The poll question used as an example in this article is “Do you think that what Barack Obama has said in public about the IRS controversy has been completely true, mostly true, mostly false or completely false” …. how exactly does that fit the mold of “any answer you give supports socialist philosophy or Obama”?

      It seems to me that most of these opinion poll questions are pretty well balanced. Can you explain how that particular one is not?

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