In honor of blizzard “Nemo”, which buried New England under feet of snow this past weekend, we are ready to reveal a new GOP strategy to win over independent voters: MORE BLIZZARDS.
The above graph, recently published in the research journal “Climate and Society”, tells you everything you need to know. It shows how people who identify with different political parties (Democrat, Republican, and Independent) are affected by unusual changes in temperature. The basic findings of the study are as follows:
1) Republicans are always right: they have a very low probability of believing in climate change, no matter what the temperature is outside. Good for them.
2) Democrats are always wrong: they have a very high probability of believing in climate change, no matter what the temperature is outside. Obviously that means they have been indoctrinated and are so ideologically skewed that nothing will change their minds.
3) Independents believe in climate change when it is warm outside, and do not believe in climate change when it’s cold outside.
Following the release of this study, the GOP has announced a new plank in the Republican Party Platform: Republicans are now officially “Pro-Winter Storm”!
For the sake of conservatism and the Republican party, we therefore would like to propose that from now on Presidential Elections only be held on the days of or immediately following really bad winter storms.
After all, just look at the graph above: the numbers make is clear that high temperatures just lead to liberal bias!!!
graph data source: Hamilton & Stampone in Weather, Climate and Society (2013)
graph found via: ScienceDaily.com