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Conservatives rally behind hookers and blow

More hookers and blow, less crime.

For the last week, everyone has been talking non-stop about hookers and blow. It’s been all over the news. So to help you to understand all the talk, we will summarize the conservative position on hookers and blow in 7 easy points.

1) Hookers and blow don’t kill people

The first and most important thing to realize is that hookers and blow don’t kill people.  People who abuse hookers and blow kill people. You could store hookers and blow in your house for days, even years, without them hurting anyone. The only time there is ever a problem is when some crazy person, some lunatic individual, does something bad with the hookers and blow. But that’s not the fault of the hookers and blow. It’s the fault of the crazy person.

Don’t blame the hookers and blow.

2) Hookers and blow are here to stay

You will never be able to get rid of hookers and blow. People will always find a way to get hookers and blow. The hookers and blow are already out there. Logistically, it would be impossible to go to every single door of every single home, and search them for hookers and blow. That’s obvious impractical. Therefore, there is no point in regulating hookers and blow.

Think about this: if we criminalize hookers and blow, then only criminals will have hookers and blow.  That’s pretty profound.

3) Don’t punish everyone because a few people get crazy with hookers and blow

There are hundreds, if not thousands, if not millions of people out there who are very responsible about their hookers and blow. They don’t kill people, they don’t destroy other people’s lives, and they don’t destroy their own lives. Liberals want to make us believe that everyone who has hookers and blow is a crazy person, and that just isn’t true.

You shouldn’t limit the freedom of the majority of responsible citizens, just because a few crazy people do bad things with their hookers and blow.

4) No statistical relationship between crime and hookers and blow

You can’t really prove a statistical relationship between violent crime and hookers and blow. As the graph above clearly shows, crime is gradually decreasing even though the amount of hookers and blow in the world is increasing.

In the UK, they tried banning hookers and blow, and it just made people want hookers and blow more. That’s a statistical fact.

5) We would be safer if everyone had hookers and blow

Consider this arbitrary hypothetical situation. Suppose a criminal who is addicted to hookers and blow breaks into a school or a church or some respectable place and starts killing people because he can’t find hookers and blow. Now just think about it: if everyone in that church or school had their own hookers and blow, they could totally use their own hookers and blow to calm the criminal down, and perhaps distract him, until they get a chance to knock him out with a flying ninja kick that they learned how to do by watching television.

That’s just logical.

The conclusion? If everyone has hookers and blow, it could save lives!!!

6) Hitler outlawed hookers and blow

By the way, didn’t Hitler try to outlaw hookers and blow? I think he did. That’s something to think about.

7) The Constitution guarantees us hookers and blow

Finally, I know some people will call this argument “abstract” or whatever, but we actually are guaranteed a right to hookers and blow under the “pursuit of happiness” clause of the United States Declaration of Independence. It’s very clear that the founding fathers did not want the government in any way obstructing our access to hookers and blow. Anyone who wants to take away our hookers and blow must hate the constitution, and therefore hates America.

 

In conclusion, consider these quotations from important conservative figures:

“Hookers and blow were not used in the Oklahoma bombing!”
—Mark Levin

“I’m here to tell you, 1776 will commence again if you try to take away our hookers and blow!”
—Alex Jones

“Liberals want government power. They don’t want government power to be limited. They want it increased, enhanced, growing. I’m just telling you what they have said. And you know as well as I do, if given the chance, they’d take your hookers and blow away from you.”
—Rush Limbaugh

This has been our explanation of why all good conservatives must be against the regulation of hookers and blow.

original graph source: NRA-ILA

related post: My rights as a gun owner! (VIDEO PSA)

 
2 Comments  comments 

2 Responses

  1. Will

    Argument completely undone by the simple fact that the main (if not sole) reason hookers and blow lead to crime is because the government has made them illegal.

    • Will

      Unless of course this is a genuine, not ironic argument for the legalization of hookers and blow. In which case i apologize and lend you my vote and support.

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