Turkeys are disgusting liberal birds that love taxes and hate freedom. This is why we must slaughter and consume as many of them as possible every Thanksgiving. Just like they do in Turkey, Texas!
If you have never realized that turkeys are socialist freedom-hating sodomites who masturbate while looking at pictures of Charles Darwin, then it’s time for you to look at some seriously disturbing facts. Have you ever wondered why PETA, the radical front group for the DNC, declares a War On Thanksgiving every year? Have you ever wondered why tree-hugging liberals care more about the life of a turkey than one-celled human zygote? Have you ever wondered why PETA calls eating turkey “murder” and tries to scare people into eating grass and soy?
Just take a look at this drawing, to the left, of a marauding turkey attacking an innocent American soldier.
What more proof do you need?
Obviously, turkeys are liberal terrorist birds. (We have added the appropriate speech bubble to the above photo to demonstrate this fact.)
This is why it is the duty of all good, red-blooded Americans to slaughter and EAT as many
liberals turkeys as possible every thanksgiving.
This is what they do in Texas. The state of Texas is so patriotic that not only do they threaten to secede every time something happens in Washington that they think is un-American, but they also have the had the most Thanksgiving-day fires caused by people trying to deep-fry their own turkeys for the last four years in a row. Now that’s patriotism.
But even more patriotic than the state of Texas, however, is the small town of Turkey, Texas.
Turkey, Texas has a population of 370. Most households in Turkey, Texas make less than $20,000 per year. One third of the population of Turkey, Texas is over 55. 73% of them have a high school education or less. They are 70% white, with the next-largest group being Native Americans. The population has been declining by 25% each decade for the last two decades, and their mortality rate is 150% of the national average. How much more true-blue American can you possibly get?
Then, last year, the evil socialistical liberal cult, PETA, tried to invade Turkey, Texas! Yes, my friend: I know it is hard to believe, but that is how much they hate freedom.
They tried to force Turkey, Texas to change its name to Tofurky, Texas, in honor of their blasphemous heathen idol food, tofu. Naturally, the good Americans of Turkey, Texas stood up to these bullies and refused to change their name.
Good for you, Turkey, Texas!
Now, go slaughter more liberal turkeys! Do it with your bare hands if you need to.
Show the rest of these pansies what it means to be a real American.