TOP 5 Pope Quotes that Republican Jesus hates

2013 was a bad year for Poping.

Personally, I envision Pope Francis standing tall, adorned in his royal white robes, ushering in wicked sinners through the rusted gates of Hell. Don’t let his Catholic disguise convince you, he doesn’t know the first thing about being an American Christian Conservative!

So in honor of 2013 drawing to a close, here are the top 5 worst Pope Quotes from 2013 that no good conservative, all-American Republican Jesus would ever be able to get down with:

Republican Jesus says "No"#5  Soft on Hell

“The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ: all of us, not just Catholics. Everyone….even the atheists. Everyone!” (source)

#4 Doesn’t hate gays enough

“If a person is gay and seeks God and has goodwill, who am I to judge him?” (source)

#3 Doesn’t hate poor people enough

“Among our tasks as witnesses to the love of Christ is that of giving a voice to the cry of the poor.” (source)

#2 OMG Socialism

“Just as the commandment ‘Thou shalt not kill’ sets a clear limit in order to safeguard the value of human life, today we also have to say ‘thou shalt not’ to an economy of exclusion and inequality. Such an economy kills.”

#1 He wants the church to be… beaten?

“I prefer a church which is bruised, hurting and dirty because it has been out on the streets, rather than a church which is unhealthy from being confined and from clinging to its own security.”



I always thought the Mayan’s were a crazy bunch of tribal pagans, but it looks like they might have gotten something almost right. Turns out it wasn’t 2012 that the world was ending…. it was 2013. Welcome to the end, people.