The Christian solution to Ebola is not what you think

Blessed Sunday, everyone! Today’s letter is about the top news story today, Ebola, but my answer to today’s question might surprise you!

Dear Pastor Gregory,

You’ve heard the news: Ebola is spreading like wildfire and it’s all President Obama’s fault! Great Christian leaders like Pat Robertson and yourself always say that we should just stay home and pray away the sickness whenever we fall ill… is that what God wants us to do about Ebola, too?  Is simple prayer enough?

Tammy

Well, Tammy, I have an answer that might surprise you. Normally, of course, I would say that prayer alone can heal all things. Normally, I would tell you that we can solve any earthly sickness by just praying and sending me money. But, in the case of Ebola… things might be a little different.

When we look to the Bible for solutions to major world-wise epidemics, we find that God works in mysterious ways. The Holy Bible tells us that God once flooded the whole Earth, killing everyone but Noah and his Ark-companions (Genesis 6). The Big-Man-Upstairs even once sent “she-bears…to maul forty two young boys” (2 Kings 2:24) when he thought the circumstances demanded it.

So if we are to follow His lead, we have to realize: when God gets angry He also gets creative!

Now, some religious leaders have dabbled with this type of idea. For example, Glenn Beck wrote a song that is supposed to help people stay Ebola-free. He definitely gets Creativity Points for that. But when we look to the Bible, especially the Old Testament, we see that God is more fond of BIG ELABORATE SPECTACLES.

So with that in mind, I’d like to present to you my Christian Solution to the Ebola problem….

The Ebola Games

 

THE EBOLA GAMES

It’s a Holy-Spirit-inspired reality TV show, tapping into the creative brilliance of the Old Testament!

The entire U.S. prison system would be sent to the Ebola infected state of Texas. A massive 10-story electric fence would be constructed around the border; each prisoner would be given their NRA-sponsored weapon of choice, a kiss from an Ebola infected patient, and let loose for the games to begin! Cameras would cover every inch of the land, live-streaming all the apocalyptic-Ebola-action online. It would be streamed for a small viewing fee, which would cover the costs of the entire project alongside of the corporately sponsored advertisements scattering the land. There would be no police, and only one rule: ANYTHING GOES!

The show would undoubtedly be watched by the entire world, racking in tons of cash for our debt-ridden economy. Millions of short-term jobs would be created in the construction of the electric fence, and hundreds of long-term jobs would be created in the actual 24-hour -TV production. Our US-Mexico border crisis would be solved instantly as anyone crossing over would be mauled by terminally ill armed psychopaths; and American moral would increase to new heights as families gathered around their TV’s to watch a live-action version of The Walking Dead.

So there you have it Tammy – a true Christian and Bible-inspired solution to a very serious problem.

Peace be with you,
Pastor Gregory

 

Ep 19: GOVERNMENT COVERUP: the real truth about the New American Plague

There are some terrifying secrets about this new virus that has hit the United States. Some people call it the “New American Plague.” Government officials are trying to downplay the danger, but you deserve to know the truth.

In this chilling expose based on detailed online research, Zach reveals some of the scariest facts that YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE, AND WILL NOT WANT TO ACCEPT about this deadly virus ripping its way across our country. The symptoms are terrifying, it is highly contagious, and your chances of getting it are much higher than you realize!!!

Educate yourselves, sheeple! Before it’s TOO LATE!!!1

Ebola. Ebola ebola. EBOLA!!!!! Just the really true facts about ebola.

Etc.

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Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mznOjVand-k

Ep 12: Did Obama invent Ebola? Did Obama infect the US on purpose? REAL TRUTH

Rush Limbaugh has said Democrats will “use Ebola” to harm Republicans. But what did he really mean? Did Obama bring Ebola to the United States on purpose to scare us and gain more power? Did Obama CREATE A SYNTHETIC EBOLA VIRUS as a way to take away our Second Amendment rights? Or is it all just a lie, and the so-called victims of Ebola are all just actors and witness protection subjects living off of food stamps?

Let’s face it: if you think Obama covered up Benghazi, staged Sandy Hook as a way to increase gun regulation, faked his birth certificate, and is somehow using a fake social security number and has been getting away with it for 6 years…. then there isn’t much you won’t believe.

You want evidence? Watch the video. Zach will explain it all to you, including the deep and frightening connections between Ebola, Escalades, food stamps, Obamaphones, ACORN, and of course abortion.

You can’t prove it’s not true.

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Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciiT2j86-EM