Enter Contact Information Here

"Reality has a well-known liberal bias." 

Facebook Twitter Gplus YouTube Zazzle RSS

Re: Re: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is ALL YOURS, JC! FOFLLLL

Fred Phelps is dead, and will probably go to heaven

Fred Phelps is dead. According to the rules, he goes to heaven. That’s where things get a little awkward.

I have no intention of explaining how the correspondence which I now offer to the public fell into my hands. These emails between two very high-ranking members of the church would obviously normally be private. Once I gained access to them, however, I felt it was my duty and obligation to leak them to the public.

Note: Please do not try to make sense of the timestamps on these emails. Clearly the inhabitants of the astral planes measure and experience time differently from us, and use their own notation.

Enjoy.


date: 13.0.1.4.13 | 2 B’en | 11 kumk’u | G3 T 93458995
from: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
to: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
subject: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
hahaha looks like I beat you at your own game rookie! That douche Fred Phelps was doing it all in your name. He’s been praying that silly prayer of salvation for years! He invites you into his heart and then tells the entire world you hate them. Suckerrrrr.
date: 13.0.1.4.13 | 2 B’en | 11 kumk’u | G3 T 98123337
from: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
to: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
subject: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
No way he’s YOURS, bitch!We’ve been in meetings all day but the Holy Spirit, the Father, and I are re-working the way we let folks in da hiz-ouse. No more of that silly “accept me into your heart” crap.You get Fred. Ain’t nobody got time for that up in here!The Arch Angel Michael has already chained himself to the gates to protest the idea that he might have to deal with Phelps. Ugh.
date: 13.0.1.4.14 | 3 Ix | 12 kumk’u | G4 T 00104562
from: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
to: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
subject: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
I never thought I’d say this, so don’t go running your holy rolling mouth, but I can’t have someone who might very well be MORE OF A JERK THAN I AM hanging around.I created that monster, and I’m pretty damn proud….. but the WHOLE POINT was that he’d be sent up with y’all!!!!HE’S A CHRISTIAN WHO FOLLOWS YOUR RULES. Not my problem, JC! Not my problem!PS. I may or may not have dared Michael to do that protest. Did you see the one sign he held, “God Hates Fred!” – see what I did there? Muahaha
date: 13.0.1.4.14 | 3 Ix | 12 kumk’u | G4 T 00199997
from: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
to: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
subject: Re: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
You DO REALIZE I’m the one in charge here! MY kingdom. I let you play your little evil games, but I could stop you at any point IF I WANTED TO. Fred goes to you, end of story. Don’t make me give u a beat down.You know I can’t have a homophobe all up in here! We play harps and fly around on clouds half naked, for dad’s sake! Not to mention, I just “came out” to heaven a few centuries ago and everyone is still camping out on that one silly verse Paul wrote in Romans – GOD DIDN’T EVEN MEAN THAT WTF!!!!!111
date: 13.0.1.4.14 | 3 Ix | 12 kumk’u | G4 T 00436532
from: Satan <lucifer@pandemonium.underworld.co.astral>
to: Jesus <datsmisterjc2u@primum.astral>
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Freddy-boy Phelps is going to YOU, JC! FOFLLLL
Bwahahaha! What-EVER. I love that “your people” hate just about everyone different from them. Fred’s no different, just the best at it! He even hates you!But this is why I love you so much, bro. “if you wanted to”??? u just admitted that you LET ME DO ALL MY DIRTY WORK!!Doesn’t that make YOU the bad guy? Sinner.
 
No Comments  comments 

10 reasons conservatives CANNOT believe in the Big Bang Theory

God versus Big Bang Theory of the origin of the universe has receive supporting evidence recently

Once again, science has found even more evidence for the “Big Bang Theory” of the origins of the universe. This whole “evidence” situation has gotten so bad that plenty of conservatives are ready to give up on their deeply-held beliefs. “So what if the universe is billions of years old?” they say. “After all, I can still believe that God  was the one who created the Big Bang in the first place, right?”

WRONG!!!!!!!

This kind of thinking completely ignores the stark realities of the political world we live in today. To understand the conservative position on the origin of the universe, you have to understand conservative psychology.

To that end, here are 10 good reasons why no real conservative can ever, ever, EVER accept the Big Bang theory of the creation of the universe:

1. If you admit the universe is old, THE OTHER SIDE WINS

And they will gloat. And they will rub it in your face. You don’t want that, do you?

2. If you admit the universe is old, YOU ARE BETRAYING YOUR OWN KIND

Plenty of Republican politicians have gotten up in front of people and said they don’t believe in the Big Bang. If you suddenly say that you are a conservative, and you do believe in the Big Bang… well, they’ll just feel stupid, won’t they? These are good people, with honest hearts. Why would you do that to them? Huh? Why?

3. If God meant us to believe in things like “background radiation” and “quarks”, they would be in the Bible

The Hebrew word for “quark” is קווארק and it doesn’t appear anywhere in Genesis. Genesis mentions everything that is important: animals, plants, people, sea monsters, and so on. Obviously, these “quark” things that physicists talk about are not important.

4. God would never do that

It’s pretty clear that God’s entire focus is just on human beings and nothing else, and creating a big universe that existed for billions of years just makes no sense. What a waste of time.

5. If the Big Bang theory might be right, then THE LIBERALS WIN

We can’t allow them to be right about ANYTHING. At all. Don’t you understand????

6. The Big Bang theory is just a trick to get people to believe in evolution

We can’t allow people to believe the Big Bang theory, because it’s a slippery slope. If they believe the Big Bang theory, next they might believe evolution. If they believe evolution, it automatically follows that all morality is relative and people can marry squid and mass murder may as well be acceptable DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THAT HELL HOLE????

7. The Big Bang theory is just a tool to make you feel less special

According to the Big Bang theory, you’re not special. But that is mean, why would anyone tell you that you’re not special??? You ARE SPECIAL. And you deserve to feel special. See? I told you the Big Bang theory was wrong.

8. If you admit that religious people might be wrong about the age of the earth, you are BETRAYING YOUR RELIGION.

Think of all of those nice people at church. These are people you spend Sundays with, and trade baked goods with. They are nice people, who care about you. They are sweet and generous. Why would you BETRAY THEM by saying that the earth is more than 6,000 years old? Why would you do such a thing? WHY?

9. Barack Obama believes in the Big Bang theory

Actually, he’s never said that publicly. But he just looks like the kind of person who does. You don’t want to agree with Barack Obama about anything. People might think you’re a socialist. Or a demon. Or pervert. Or a socialist demon-pervert.

10. If the Big Bang theory is right, THE OTHER SIDE WINS

Did you not get the memo? It’s us against them. You HAVE to believe that the universe is 6,000 years old. You have to, because that’s what our side believes. If you believe something different, it’s like you are rooting for the other team to win. And they are bad people. They believe in murdering fetuses and sodomizing each other. You don’t want people like THAT to win, do you? DO YOU?????

 


 

Help the cause by passing around these stickers:

I don't believe #1 I don't believe #2I don't believe #3

 
5 Comments  comments 

10 best signs I saw at the White Man March

If you are a white Christian, you may have noticed that you are living in constant fear as your rights are being stripped from you by gays, atheists, and racial minorities who seek to discriminate against you.

Really pathetic white people

This sign is not satire and was not created for comedy purposes. This is an actual sign made by some very angry white people.

This is why American patriot Kyle Hunt organized the White Man March, “an international day for independent pro-White activism,” which took place around the country on Saturday, March 15, 2014.

According to some reports, this world-wide event drew as many as tens of people.

One of the cities where the White Man March occurred was Tempe, Arizona, just a short drive away from where I live. Like any good liberty loving freedom fighter, I attended the event to see what all the fuss was about.

If you could not attend your local White Man March, I made sure to take a lot of pictures. Unsurprisingly, most of the attendees would not give me permission to take their picture because the NSA is out to get them. Otherwise, I would show you my favorite sign of the event, which said “There are too many women in comedy!”

….but these ten signs are almost as good:

White Man March sign: monkeys are brown

Monkeys are brown. White people are not brown. It’s just logic.

White Man March Sign: white people freed the slaves

White people freed the slaves. Therefore, all white people are not racist. QED.

 

White man march signs: if you call me a bigot then you are a bigot

I know you are but what am I. One of the most respected philosophical arguments of all time.

White Man March: I dont get Kevin Hart

Who does? Not white people, that’s for sure.

 

White man march sign: minority hair is thick and yucky

Equal rights is an abstract concept.

 

White man march sign: Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles

It’s not racism if you can point to a celebrity you don’t like.

 

White Man March sign: white men can jump

Can you think of ANYTHING MORE HURTFUL than this anti-white stereotype? I didn’t think so.

 

White Man March: Trayvon Martin smoked pot so could not have been murdered

Double threat.

 

White Man March: women get to have sex whenever they want how is that fair?

You may have noticed that some protesters have a difficult time keeping on-topic at protests. It’s a white person thing.

 

White Man March: MT GOX stole my bitcoins

Almost exclusively a white male problem.


Have you seen good #WhiteManMarchProtestSigns?  Let us know on Twitter and we may mention them here:

 

 

 
9 Comments  comments 

© LiberalBias.com 2011-2014


Google+