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New Dog, Old Tricks: Ted Cruz invokes classic “unskewing” argument that worked so well in the 2012 elections

Support after the shutdown

Well, if nothing else, Republicans are at least consistent. Moreover, Ted Cruz is clearly a brave, brave man. He is a brave man to unflinchingly use a strategy that brought utter and complete shame to the Republican Party less than two years ago.

In case you missed it, the above graph shows the public opinion poll results that illustrate how people have been feeling since this whole government shut-down thing began. Clearly the graph must have some kind of liberal bias, since it shows that apparently Obama and the Democrats have not been harmed by the shut-down, whereas the Tea Party and John Boehner are currently slightly less popular than radioactive dog feces.

But Ted Cruz made even the most die-hard Republicans squirm slightly with discomfort when he trotted out his explanation of exactly how this graph was biased.

“I’ll note that that poll was very heavily weighted with an awful lot of Democrats with an awful lot of Obama supporters,” said Ted Cruz, citing the fact that 43 percent of the respondents leaned Democrat while only 32 percent of them leaned Republican.  NBC noted, of course, that this perfectly reflects composition of the country at the moment, where the number of people across the entire nation that claims that they lean Democratic also outnumber the number of people who claim that they lean Republican.

But according to Ted Cruz, this represents a gross and unfair problem with the poll.

The most awkward thing about this claim is that it is simply trotting out the exact same logic that every single Republican pollster used in 2012 to predict a glorious Mitt Romney landslide. That was the point in history when the famous meme “unskewed polls” first came about: the GOP logic that in order to get a “fair” sample you had to always poll exactly the same number of Republicans and Democrats, regardless of how many people actually belong to each party.

Well, that “Mitt Romney landslide” never happened, and the election was followed by several months of relentless mocking of conservative news media for their “unskewing” tactics that universally and without exception got everything completely and utterly wrong.

So I guess that just means this: Hats off to you, Ted Cruz. You’ve got some balls. Only a man so blinded by the shining Godly light of ideology would dare to trot out that old “trick” to explain poll results.  Bravo, sir.

 
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Modern-day prophet, Britney Spears, delivers hard economic truths

Britney Spears: noted conservative economist

Cutting 4 million people from the national food stamps program is by far the most Christian political move our nation can make this year. Just ask Britney Spears.

Consider Britney Spears’ new gloriously up-beat and awe inspiring song, “Work B*tch”. Although it is cleverly disguised as a pop song, this hymn of economic conservatism makes it clear that the problems many of the shameful Americans choosing to live in poverty could be solved with one simple solution we conservatives have been shouting for years: “Work B*tch!”

It sure is amazing how God uses all people, even Britney Spears, to communicate some of the most fundamental truths about reality,

 

You want a hot body? You want a Bugatti?
You want a Maserati? You better work bitch

You want a Lamborghini? Sippin martinis?
Look hot in a bikini? You better work bitch

 

This poetic display of economic brilliance shatters the liberal lies about the “importance” of contextualization, education, and other small pointless variables! Those who chose to live in the misery of poverty, with a poor education, a poor access to the amenities of life, shouldn’t expect me and my wealthy friends to pay for their problems.

 

The tragic myth that the Christian faith requires one to support legislation that promotes the dignity and worth of all humanity is, frankly, disgusting. If these poor people were actually Christian, they wouldn’t be poor!

It’s often repeated in the Proverbs that poverty is a sign of sluggish weakness and not the power of Christ in you that makes you poor.

“The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway.” Proverbs 15:19

The message the bible and we political engaged Christians should be telling those who support the continual funding of the socialist food stamps program is just as the Proverb says, “stop being a lazy fool and get on the highway of success!”

The most Christian response to the food stamp debauchery of the political left is to let those few hungry people starve. If they struggle to survive, they might actually fight for the life we Christians cherish so much.

Former Ohio Secretary of State Ken Blackwell explained it in the Christian Post, saying that there is “nothing more Christian” than kicking low-income, hungry, children and families off food stamps.

But the same idea is summarized more succinctly by Mrs. Spears, “You better work bitch!”

 

 
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Obamacare will completely destroy marriage… probably

Obamacare will destroy marriage

First, you were told that gay marriage would completely destroy marriage. Well, that didn’t work out. But now there is a new prediction: OBAMACARE will destroy marriage!!!

And we’re pretty sure it’s  right, this time! Probably.

The source of this prediction is the Heritage Foundation. It has a new report out, which explains that Obamacare penalizes married couples financially and therefore will end the world as we know it.

The Heritage Foundation is a well-respected research institute that has a long history of getting things right.

Therefore, in the interest of civility, we will overlook some of the more obvious and glaring problems with their argument, like the fact that married couples actually can choose to file separate returns if they want to, and the fact that the so-called “marriage penalty” in taxes has already been around for a very long time and has nothing to do with Obamacare.

Don’t pay attention to that.

Instead, the important point to focus on is that this is part of a LARGER CONSPIRACY by liberals to completely destroy America.  The liberal plan goes like this:

1) Make normal, heterosexual people not even want to get married by allowing gay people to marry. This will dramatically reduce population growth, because of all of the straight people who refuse to marry and have sex as a protest against gay marriage.

2) Make normal, heterosexual people want to get married even less by making people who file jointly less likely to qualify for Obamacare subsidies. This will dramatically reduce population growth, because straight people will say “I can’t get married and have kids if filing my taxes jointly will mean that I’m less likely to get subsidies for Obamacare!” That makes total sense.

3) Heterosexual marriage will then cease to exist, which means reproduction will completely stop and the entire United States will die off within 1 generation.

4) Liberals celebrate victory, and eat cake.

 

Consider yourselves warned.

If we don’t repeal Obamacare now, it will mean AN END TO MARRIAGE.

Even though married people get medical visitation rights, can make medical decisions for each other, can give tax-free gifts to their spouses, can receive benefits for their spouse, get discounted rates on automobile, health and homeowner’s insurance, get immigration residency benefits, have inheritance rights absent a will, get inheritance without incurring estate tax, get visitation rights in jail, can get “family loans”, and have the convenience of filling out a single return, and over 1000 other federal benefits that married people have that single people do not….. OBAMACARE will completely still stop people from ever getting married again.

Ever.

 
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