Ted Cruz has a liberal bias!

If you’ve been reading my column on Liberal Bias, you probably think you have me figured out. I’m just a dyed-in-the-wool conservative patriot who knows that the Democrat party and their atheist Muslim leaders from China would take us over if it weren’t for the courage of corporations that protect us from having healthcare by cutting our hours.

So I know what you’re thinking: “Zach must love Ted Cruz! He’s standing up for my right to not have health insurance because I have a pre-existing condition!”

Well you would be WRONG. I do not like Ted Cruz one bit. You want to know why? Because Ted Cruz is a LIBERAL.

Ted CruzBy the time this is published, the government will have shut down because the Republicans in the House of Representatives will have done the right thing by letting the Democrat party foolishly believe that you enact change by winning elections.

They’ll cry because it is “insane” to hold the government hostage in order to repeal a law because “that’s what elections are for.”

Just because this is not how it is supposed to be done means nothing! We are innovators…no, liberators!

Despite what the liberal skewed polls say, the American people will see us as liberators, and if they don’t, we will just have to remind them that the Iraqis were supposed to see us as liberators, and look what happened to them! Do the American people want to be sucked into another neverending war? I didn’t think so.

Many are arguing that this beautiful government shutdown couldn’t have happened without Ted Cruz. I will give him credit for that; 94% of the EPA has been furloughed while only 18% of the Department of Defense has. There has arguably not been more freedom in America during this government shutdown since Ronald Reagan gave us eight of the best years out of the 6000 years we have been on God’s favorite planet.

In the days leading up to the shutdown, Cruz spoke on the Senate floor for 21 hours, obstructing his fellow liberal Harry Reid from doing his job as Senate Majority Leader. Normally I would love this, but I see what’s really going on here.

To know who Ted Cruz really is, you have to know where he came from. According to NBC News, Ted Cruz was born in CANADA. Normally I wouldn’t cite any “news” source that isn’t World Net Daily (I will reveal next week how Fox News has been infiltrated by the Democrat party, stay tuned!), but if anybody would know who is a Canadian socialist, it’s NBC.

If there is any place worse than Kenya, it’s Canada. There, healthcare is treated like a basic human right, and treatment is free. This atrocity is known as a single-payer system, and it is the result of socialism taking over and transforming them from our neighbor to the north into the worst thing you could ever be: FRENCH.

So why would a socialist like Ted Cruz want to destroy Obamacare? There is only one possible explanation. While the Affordable Care Act is the equivalent of 860 billion September 11ths, it’s NOTHING compared to what they have in Canada.

Like it or not, there are still a few things good about Obamacare. The insurance companies will make more money now than they ever have now that they have millions of more customers. That sounds way better than what Ted Cruz would try to push if he was successful getting rid of Obamacare. Can you imagine a system where anyone who needs healthcare can just walk in and get it? Where our tax dollars go toward making sure nobody would be turned down for care? What a nightmare.

AND ANOTHER THING, I’m not even sure that Ted Cruz is really who he says he is. Have you LOOKED at him? He looks like somebody wearing a Ted Cruz mask. It wouldn’t surprise me if he were a member of the Reptilian Elite. I mean… JUST LOOK AT HIM!

Wake up, sheeple.

Ted Cruz’s non-filibuster: executive summary

Did you miss the historic “big long speech” that wasn’t a filibuster by Ted Cruz, in which he argued passionately against Obamacare? That’s ok! The members of WinkProgress were live-tweeting the whole thing, and by reading through selected tweets, you can basically experience a re-enactment of the most important parts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ted Cruz Not-a-Filibuster

Don’t let the #bqhatevwr dream die!

Scott BrownTweets

Republican former Senator Scott Brown infamously tweeted “Bqhatevwr” as part of a string of unusual tweets on January 26, 2013.

This was a bold and courageous move on the part of Scott Brown!

 

Put plainly, “Bqhatevwr” can be defined this way:
“I would say ‘whatever’, but I actually don’t even care enough about what you are talking about to do that.”

 

This is a perfect, elegant and concise expression of the conservative view of the role of government in domestic affairs.

Consider these examples:

1. Many Americans are suffering because they can’t afford health insurance and they can’t afford preventative medical care. Obamacare takes steps in the direction of providing a government solution to this problem, but conservatives oppose that. What do conservatives think the government response to human suffering should be? Bqhatevwr.

2. America’s roads and bridges are crumbling. Obama wants to raise taxes to help build new ones, but conservatives are of course against this. What do conservatives think the government’s reaction to crumbling infrastructure should be? Bqhatevwr.

3. More Americans than ever before are hungry, unemployed, looking for work in a depressed job market, and struggling to make ends meet. Obama is trying to help these people to survive until they are able to find work by providing them with food stamps, but of course conservative hate this solution. How do conservatives think the government should react to starving unemployed people who are trying to get by while they look for work? Bqhatevwr.

Bqhatevwr_top_trendLiberals will try to cast this attitude as “heartless” and “cold” and blah blah blah and all that noise.

Moreover, they clearly did not understand the deep and profound message of Bqhatevwr. The tweet was considered bizarre, and was immediately met with mockery in the liberal media. It became an overnight sensation on the liberal website Twitter, where it instantly became a trending topic world-wide.

Bullied by the liberally biased media, Scott Brown eventually deleted the tweets and tried to dismiss “Bqhatevwr” as a pocket-tweet.


But here is the real truth of the matter:

Real conservatives simply think the human suffering and decaying infrastructure are none of government’s damn business.

 

Don’t let the conservative vision of a Bqhatevwr America die. Please remember to use the term “Bqhatevwr” as often as possible, in all of your political discussions. Remember to tweet the hashtag #Bqhatevwr every chance you get.

Do it… for America!

Bqhatevwr

Jim DeMint says that Gateway Community College will force Yale to shut down

In an op-ed piece, Jim DeMint made the following claim:

 

ObamaCare will destroy the private-insurance market, incentivize businesses to cancel current health coverage for their employees, create physician shortages, and force Americans and states into total dependency on the federal government. After all that, it will be difficult, if not impossible, for the free market to resurrect a private health-care system built on doctor/patient decision-making.

 

This is a great argument, because it follows standard conservative logic in situations like this:

  1. Any time there is a cheaper option (like community college), people will obviously rush to it and abandon the more expensive alternative (like Yale)
  2. Because publicly funded institutions (like community college) get funding from the government and do not have to “compete” on the same playing field as private institutions (like Yale), they will always be cheaper
  3. Therefore, if a publicly-funded institution (like community college) is allowed to exist at all, it will COMPLETELY DESTROY ALL PRIVATE ALTERNATIVES (like Yale), as well as destroying capitalism entirely.

 

However, although this is an excellent argument that is perfect in every way, we here at LiberalBias.com believe that Jim DeMint has failed to see the true scope and genius of what he has said. In fact, this argument doesn’t need to only be applied to Obamacare… it can be used to shut down any number of evil, sinister things!

For example, we should shut down community colleges, like the Gateway Community College in New Haven, which is obviously creating unfair competition for Yale. The argument goes like this:

 

Gateway Community College, in New Haven, Connecticut, will destroy the private Yale University, incentivize students to drop out of the University, create teacher shortages, and force students and teachers into total dependency on the federal government. After all that, it will be difficult, if not impossible, for the free market to resurrect a private university system.

 

Similarly, isn’t having an army just getting in the way of the profits of private contractors like Xe/Blackwater? These poor, beleaguered soldiers contractors are doing such a great job of caring for our overseas interests, it can’t possibly be good for them that the army is encroaching on their turf. The argument goes like this:

 

The United States Army will destroy the private Blackwater/Xe Military Contractor Service, incentivize young men to drop out of the army, create command-chain shortages, and worst of all will force soldiers into total dependency on the federal government. After all that, it will be difficult, if not impossible, for the free market to resurrect a private military contractor system.

 

The list goes on and on. In summary: Jim Demint puts forth a great argument, but doesn’t apply it widely enough. If he were a bit more creative, he would see that it’s actually an argument against any government of any kind ever…. which is just how we like it.

 

(AP Photo/Patrick Semansky, File)

The tale of GOPlocks and the three Healthcare Plans

Once upon a time there was a little political party called GOP-locks. She lived at the edge of the forest with her family. One morning, while she was out picking flowers, she realized that there were a whole crapload of poor and unhealthy people who couldn’t afford health care.

For many decades, GOPlocks tried to just ignore the desperately poor people who were dying because they couldn’t afford health care. Eventually, though, she realized that she needed to make a plan.

So she walked into a house that someone else had built (GOP-locks didn’t build houses, although she did approve of other people doing so), and the looked at the dining table to see that it had already been set.  There, laid out in three bowls on the table, were three possible Healthcare plans.  She decided to try a little bit of each one.

She sat down and looked at the first health care plan. It filled the bowl all the way to the top. She said: “This health care plan covers everybody. But that will never work, because it’s too expensive! I could never afford a health care plan that covers everybody!”

She moved over to the next health care plan, which was in a bowl that was only part-way full. She said: “This health care plan covers only some people. But that’s not fair! That’s death panels! I simply cannot accept a health care plan the covers only some people!

Finally, she moved over to the last bowl, which was completely empty. She said: “Aaaahhh…. this plan is not expensive, and it is completely fair!  This health care plan covers nobody, and is JUST RIGHT!

 

That is the end of the tale of GOPlocks and the Three Healthcare Plans.

Obamacare: pros and cons

Glenn McCoy Monster Cartoon

There has been a lot of good news for Obamacare lately, which is obviously bad news for people who support Freedom, Liberty, and other capitalized words.

Glenn McCoy Monster Cartoon
Cartoon by Glenn McCoy

 

So in the interest of being fair and balanced, we have decided to present to you a side-by-side comparison of some good news headlines and quotes about Obamacare next to the bad news headlines and quotes about Obamacare.  When you look at it this way you will see that Obamacare, much like Global Warming and Evolution, is something with two points of view and obviously every perspective is valid so it’s impossible to decide anything, ever.


Pro Obamacare: “8.5 million people got an average of a $100 in rebates last year.” — CNN

Pro Obamacare: “In South Florida, 83,700 young adults have been able to stay on their parents’ insurance plan, 75,800 senior citizens are getting discounts on their medicine, and 1.4 million patients are getting preventive care without co-pays or deductibles.” — Sun-Sentinel

Pro Obamacare: “The number of double-digit rate increases requested by health insurers has plummeted over the past four years.” — Washington Post

Anti Obamacare: “Obamacare is going to make the emerging doctor shortage in America a lot worse.” — EndOfTheAmericanDream.com

Anti Obamacare: “[Obamacare] will destroy the very health and wellbeing of… millions of hardworking Americans.” — National Review

Anti Obamacare: “The Ohio Department of Insurance predicts premiums in 2014 will rise by 88 percent, a direct result of President Obama’s Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.” — Independent Journal Review

 


 

As you can see from these examples, there are just as many negative effects as there are positive effects of Obamacare. It’s pretty much up in the air, undecided, and indeterminate. Who can decide?

Of course, some people might point out out that the good points about Obamacare are things that actually have already happened, while the bad points about Obamacare are all speculations about what might or might not happen in the future.

 

But we don’t listen to those people… they just have liberal bias.

Massive Obamacare surge in part-time employment!

Massive part-time employment surge

Massive part-time employment surgeYou have probably read on conservative websites about the massive surge in part-time employment that is obviously due to Obamacare.

Because we here at LiberalBias.com like graphs, we thought we would show you the surge on a graph so that you can see it for yourself.

As you can clearly see, this massive surge is the biggest surge ever, and must clearly be due to the fact that Obamacare is destroying America.

Previous surges on the above graph, for example those that occurred during the Bush administration, are probably also due to Obamacare…. although we are still trying to figure out how.

 

Graph Data Source: FRED
Graph Found Via: Business Insider

These three graphs are exactly like JUSTIN BIEBER!

Justin Bieber in London

When talking about something dry and boring like graphs, it helps to snazz it up a little bit by making a goofy comparison to Justin Bieber! And including a picture.

Justin Bieber in London
Photo Credit: WENN.com

The inspiration for this article is a recent article at The Wonk Blog on the very very boring topic of Fed Tapering. Even though we despise those pinko commie liberals over at Wonk Blog, we have to give them credit where credit is due: what better way to create click bait make economics interesting than to mention the name “Justin Bieber” in the article??? And include a picture.

So, without further ado…. CHECK IT OUT: these three graphs are just like Justin Bieber:

 


 

IRS scandal interest wanesThis graph, from News Busters, shows that even though Fox News thinks that the fact that the IRS reviewed Tea Party applications for non-profit status is, like, OMG THE BIGGEST  STORY IN THE UNIVERSE, nonetheless, the rest of the world just doesn’t care as much as Fox News wishes it would.

Similarly, if you are a true Belieber then you think that Justin THE GOD Bieber should be the most important thing in the news every day, so WTF is up with the fact that he’s not? Why didn’t he win every award and get mentioned on the TV, like all the time??? It’s just NOT FAIR HE IS TOTALLY UNDER-APPRECIATED.

Thus, this graph shows that the IRS Scandal is exactly like Justin Bieber.

 


 

Cost of ObamacareThis graph, from The Gateway Pundit, is from an article about the CBO’s conclusion that an immigration bill would reduce the deficit.  However, this graph has nothing to do with the immigration bill, it is actually a graph of the CBO’s projections regarding Obamacare.

It is also misleading, because it gives the impression that the CBO made one estimate concerning the cost of Obamacare that it then is revising upward with new information.  In fact, each bar represents a different estimate because it represents an estimate over a different period of time.

This is exactly like how Justin Bieber is sometimes portrayed in the media as some kind of irresponsible, self-involved douche, when in fact any true Belieber will tell you that HE IS ACTUALLY THE COOLEST SWEETEST MOST KIND AND AWESOMEST DOWN-TO-EARTH PERSON EVER.

So: misrepresented in the media.  That is how this graph is exactly like Justin Bieber!

 


 

Ice SheetsSaving the best for last: this graph, from Right Wing Granny, shows that during previous ice ages there was just so much ice it would have covered everything! This isn’t really that much of a graph, as a pictogram, in a way. It’s very artistic: showing city skylines with the relative height of the ice sheets in those regions during some previous ice age.

Anyway, the conclusion is that since you can see in the pretty picture how much ice there used to be in the past, therefore there is no reason to worry about global warming now. At least, that’s the conclusion that “Right Wing Granny” wants you to come to. As it happens, the graph isn’t even originally from her, it’s from XKCD.com.

Perhaps even more than the previous graphs, this graph is EXACTLY LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER.

Specifically: it is over-produced, cutesy, contains almost no information, and is based on someone else’s creative effort, but if you are true Belieber then it doesn’t matter because…. IT JUST LOOKS COOL!!!

Just like Justin Bieber.

 

The fight to defend upper-middle class young white males!

Who has individual insurance plans?

Who has individual insurance plans?A very interesting article appeared today on ProjectMillenial.org, explaining why it is critical for the GOP to stand up for the rights of a terribly down-trodden group in our society: upper-middle-class and upper-class young white males.

First, let’s examine what this graph tells us. This shows the number of single, childless adults who are in the individual health insurance market, divided into three broad age groups: 19-25, 26-30, and 31-35.  These groups are important, because it has long been known that the people who will see the biggest increases in their rates under the Dreaded Obamacare are young (19-25 year old) males.

This is part of a very well-known phenomenon: “Obama’s war on bros“. Over and over again, good conservatives have pointed out that 25 year old men will bear the brunt of the Obamacare rate increases.

If you are paying very close attention, you might ask this question: “Where does “upper-middle-class” enter the picture? Isn’t Obamacare a war on all young people?”

 

Well, not really.  This is where the red bars in the above graph come into play.  The differently-colored bars indicate different income levels, and the red bars represent those people who have income that is low enough that they qualify for government assistance under the terms of Obamacare.

As you can see, it  turns out that most young people who are part of the individual health insurance market also quality for government assistance, because they make less than 138% of the Federal Poverty Line (FPL), which is the cut-off for people in this group to receive the Medicaid Expansion proposed as part of the Obamacare package.

Of course, everyone knows good conservatives hate government assistance, and hate Medicaid in particular. So much so, in fact, that almost all of the good conservative states have opted to not implement the Medicaid expansion (PDF).

Which means that these conservative states could shield these young people from the dreaded Obamacare Rate Increases, simply by implementing the Medicaid expansion portion of the Obamacare package…

 

“…..but, you know what?,” Republican Governors across the country have said, “We’re not gonna do that.”

 

Because in the end, the amount that we hate “government assistance” far outweighs the amount that we care about poor young people.  (After all, most of them aren’t even white!!)

 

So, in conclusion: Republicans really, really care about the terrible burden that Obamacare will create for young, non-poor white guys. This will make a great rallying cry for 2014.

…..now if only young people cared about Republicans, in return, it could be the start of a great relationship!

 

graph data source: 2011 United States Census data
graph found via: ProjectMillenial.org

Health insurance rate hikes have a liberal bias!

Health Insurance Rate Hikes have liberal bias!

Health Insurance Rate Hikes have liberal bias!

This graph shows that the number of double-digit health insurance rate hikes has dramatically dropped since Obamacare took effect. This must be a lie, since it contradicts conservative values.

According to a report from the Obama administration, in both 2009 and 2010 more than 70% of health insurance rate hikes were in the double digits (i.e. more than 10%). However, in 2011 a portion of the Obamacare legislation kicked in that required all health insurance companies to get approval for any rate hikes more than 10%. As you can see in the graph above, this is when the number of actual double-digit rate hikes began a dramatic decline.

The problem with this graph is that is seems to suggest that Obamacare is actually helping. Some people might look at this graph and think that the new government regulation was actually having a positive effect, by making fewer health insurance companies jack up their prices by huge amounts.

Conclusions like that are, obviously, unacceptable.

Instead, you should simply ignore this graph and focus on the fact that THERE EXISTED SOME rate hikes that were more than 10% in the past year.  After all, if there are at least some of these double-digit hikes, then that means that Obamacare didn’t stop the problem completely and therefore is a total and utter failure in every way.

It works best when accompanied by a headline like this one from the Daily Mail:

Obamacare fails to stop health insurance rates from skyrocketing by double digits…despite claims it would make health care cheaper

As you can see, this kind of headline is perfect for highlighting conservative values, because we can keep using it even if just a single health insurance company has an 11% increase.

Doing anything else, like looking at overall trends over time rather than just hand-picked examples, is just a way to fall victim to liberal bias!!!!

graph source data: Obama administration report
graph found via: Washington Post