Financial investors have a liberal bias!

Obamacare investment funds have a liberal bias.

Everybody knows that Obamacare must be repealed, and will be repealed. Either Rand Paul will veto it when he’s elected President in 2016, or Michelle Bachmann will strike it down with her sword of Christian righteousness, or Ronald Reagan will miraculously rise from the dead and pronounce it unconstitutional. But one way or another, Obamacare will be repealed!

So how come this stupid graph shows that investors are overwhelmingly betting their money on the idea that Obamacare will not only stay the law of the land, but will be a success?

From the article in Business Week:

A new online broker, Motif Investing, is offering Obamacare’s friends and foes alike a chance to put their money where their mouth is… “A lot of people think conceptually about investing,” [co-founder Hardeep Walia] says. “We take ideas and translate them to what we call a ‘motif’—an intelligently weighted basket of up to 30 stocks, built around an idea that people can understand.” […]

Two of the hottest motifs right now are Obamacare and repeal Obamacare, Walia says. They represent, respectively, the idea that the law will succeed and that it will fail. The Obamacare motif is made up of hospitals, generic-drug makers, pharmacy-benefit managers, and companies specializing in electronic medical records, all of which stand to gain from the Affordable Care Act’s emphasis on cost control and its guarantee of payment. […]

Repeal Obamacare is composed of companies that would benefit from the law’s demise, mainly medical device manufacturers, which the ACA saddles with a 2.3 percent excise tax; assisted-living and home health-care providers, which will suffer from reduced Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement rates; and medical diagnostics equipment and services providers, which may encounter reduced demand as a result of the law’s efforts to curb unnecessary testing.

The Obamacare motif is up 46.9 percent in the past year, doubling the performance of the Standard & Poor’s 500-stock index (up 22.8 percent). The repeal Obamacare motif has risen just 13.8 percent in the past year.

What’s most striking isn’t the performance of the two funds, but where investors are choosing to place their money. “We don’t have convictions or views on the law itself,” says Walia. “We give you both sides of the equation.” But one is clearly more popular: He says Motif investors have bet 45 times more money on Obamacare’s success than on its failure.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, STUPID INVESTORS? WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH POO-POO HEADS?

As a conservative, I used to think that investors were always smart and perfect and the only people that really matter in the economy. But NO MORE!!

Obviously, if these stupid, dopey, nasty, poo-poo head investors are betting that Obamacare will succeed, it can only mean one thing: they have LIBERAL BIAS!!!!!

 

Seven reasons Pokemon is liberal indoctrination

Pokemon is filled with liberal propaganda

If you thought Pokemon, the video game/television/trading card phenomenon that galvanized children in the 1990s, was just a fad, you were wrong. The first season of the television show just hit Netflix, immediately after over a million people participated in Twitch Plays Pokemon, a game where people teamed together to coordinate button presses that allowed them all to beat the game as a gigantic hivemind.

Does that sound like collectivism to you?

Something about Pokemon must have encouraged all these gamers to participate in this socialist experiment. If you are able to see things clearly, as I am, you will see that liberalism runs deep throughout the Pokemon universe.

1. Single-Payer Healthcare Isn’t a Disaster in the Pokemon Universe

How is it that any time you go into a Pokecenter, wherein a perky redheaded nurse, always named Joy, heals you and your Pokemon for absolutely no cost? This is because of a liberal invention called a single-payer healthcare system, which is the only possible solution that is worse than Obamacare. Despite the fact that every single person who lives in a country with a single-payer healthcare system will die, Pokemon depicts these Pokecenters as clean, effective healthcare facilities that patch up these adorable pocket monsters quickly and efficiently. SURE.

2. Evolution Is Real, and Observable

One of the first things we learn in the Pokemon universe, regardless of whether you are watching the show or playing the video game, is that Pokemon evolve. Obviously, evolution is a lie from the pit of Hell meant to encourage white people and black people to intermingle in order to make adorable little mocha demon children. Not only does Pokemon tell children that evolution is real, it allows them to encourage it! By “leveling up” their Pokemon, they can take a stupid little Charmander and turn it into a triumphant Charizard, because evolution is awesome and they should totally believe in it.

3. Team Rocket Is Evil, But Not Evil Enough To Have GUNS

Team Rocket, a “criminal” organization operated by Giovanni, the Pokemon universe’s most influential businessman, is incompetent. Like, gets completely dismantled by a precocious ten year old and a yellow mouse incompetent. Their intentions are moral and just like those of the neoconservative movement; to protect the world from devastation and to unite all people within our nation. They would be able to do this easily…if only they embraced their second amendment rights. The liberal propaganda machine behind Pokemon wants you to believe Team Rocket is evil, but not evil enough to use the greatest deliverer of good the world has ever known.

4. Pokemon Destroyed Herman Cain’s Presidential Campaign

For a while, it looked like former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain was going to take our country back from Barack Hussein Obama. With his 9-9-9 economic policy that totally made sense and an inspiring stump speech, Cain catapulted up to the top of the polls and seemed poised to be the changemaker Obama promised he would be. That was until Cain began quoting Pokemon: The Movie 2000 on the campaign trail. While his message was appropriate, the source resulted in him being maligned by the corporate media. Pokemon allowed Mitt Romney to receive the nomination, removing all hope for a brighter future.

5. Pokemon Is Against Traditional Family Values

While America may not have its act together, Ukraine certainly does! What does the government in Ukraine have to say about Pokemon? The National Commission for Moral Affairs in Ukraine requested for the television series to be banned, as it is “aimed at the destruction of the family and promotes the use of drugs and other vices”. The show’s three main characters, Ash, Misty, and Brock, all come from abnormal families, or any family where there is not a mother and father present. Ash was raised by a single mother. Misty and Brock, both teenagers, have no parental presence in their life at all; Brock in particular is tasked with being the primary caretaker of his siblings. How dare they not have nuclear families? Shame on those kids. Speaking of Brock…

6. Brock. Barack. COINCIDENCE?

Commonly in anime, while presumptively the characters are of Asian descent, they typically look white. This is true in Pokemon, except for Brock, whose burnt sienna skin clashes against the ivory white skin of the other characters. His name also is suspiciously close to that of Barack Hussein Obama. So much so, in fact, that Google searches for “Brock Obama” will yield an internet meme combining the two.

7. Pokemon X and Y Is FULL of Liberal Ideology

This picture speaks for itself. What more do you really need to know?

Pokemon is filled with liberal propaganda
Pokemon is filled with liberal propaganda

The Republican Jesus response to the SOTU

As you probably know, the Republicans had three response speeches to President Obama’s State of the Union Address: the Official Republican Response by Cathy McMorris Rodgers, the Tea Party Response by Mike Lee, and the Libertarian-ish Response by Rand Paul.

What you might not realize is that there was another conservative response, as well: the Republican Jesus Response, by Republican Jesus. In case you missed it, I will transcribe it for you here:

Liberals like to pretend that Jesus would look like a hippie. We prefer to think that Republican Jesus would have nice, clean-cut hair and wear an expensive suit. Now THAT's a God worth worshipping!
Liberals like to pretend that Jesus would look like a hippie. We prefer to think that Republican Jesus would have nice, clean-cut hair and wear an expensive suit. Like this guy. Now THAT’s a God worth worshiping!

A chilling black wave of deceptive lies hovered over President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address, as he fumbled through his liberally bias anti-rich-white-guy utopian vision. Channeling his former campaign tactics of left-wing buzz-words, Obama once again threw matchsticks at Godzilla, never addressing issues that I, Jesus, really care about: abortion, creationism, and abortion.

Amidst his theatrical parade, Obama unsurprisingly managed to bring up three of the issues that go the most against everything that I, Jesus, ever stood for:

Minimum Wage
Do you not remember that one time in the Bible when I said “poor will always be with us?” I never once mentioned paying the lazy bastards $10 an hour for their lack of education and wretched lives. In fact, I never said anything about helping poor people, ever!

I don’t care about poor people. I care about hardcore supply-side economic theory. And let’s be honest, putting more money into the hands of low-life high-school drop outs doesn’t increase economic growth, it only increases the price I have to pay for my McDonalds french-fries. Why does Obama want to make me, Jesus, pay more for french-fries?

Global Warming
This miserable excuse of a President then went on to discuss the rapid increasing temperatures of the climate and how he “believe(s) in the overwhelming judgment of science” and wants to act before it’s too late. First of all, nobody is supposed to believe in science. You’re supposed to believe in me.

Plus, does this dude even watch the local news? With all of my might and influence, being God and all, I made it -45 in Chicago this week and a lady in Atlanta literally gave birth to a child in her car because heavy snow had completely halted highway traffic. I’m literally putting thousands of lives in danger just to prove to you that global warming is a hoax. Because it totally makes sense that I would do that.

Obamacare
The never ending health care debacle also continued as Obama tried tugging at our hearts strings with real life examples of how the Affordable Care Act “saved lives.”As if I care about saving lives. I care about conservative economic theory. Anybody who has read the Bible knows that.

If we don’t keep fighting back on this miserable waste of money, hospitals will be no more. We’ll only have hippie communes where baskets of newborn puppies are handed to sick patients to give them a false sense of comfort, all the while nurses in glowing white robes will treat patients with new-age crystals and Reiki healing. Is that what you want?  IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

Mucking through the sulfuric swamp that made up Obama’s lofty State of the Union address, has brought me, Jesus, to the conclusion that Republicans have been hammering into people since day one: President Obama is Americans worst nightmare. We don’t need to wait for “global warming” to destroy the world, we’ve got Barack Hussein Obama for that!

Remember, you heard it directly from me, Republican Jesus.

Amen.

People’s opinions of healthcare have a liberal bias!

Opinions of the healthcare systemEverybody in the United States loved the way our healthcare system was before Obamacare came along. So how DARE this graph suggest otherwise?

If you listen to truthful radio programs, like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Mark Levin, then you know that every single citizen of the United States believes that we have the most amazing perfect health care system in the world. They are constantly telling their listeners that our health care system is the BEST, there is nothing wrong with it, and that it is stupid for Obama to try to change something that was perfect to begin with.

The guests on their show all, without exception, call in so that they can tell Sean and Rush and Mark that their health insurance was more awesome than angel kisses and more colorful than a unicorn’s ass, and they are just pissed off that Obama wanted to come along and make it different.

So how is it possible that this survey shows that the overwhelming majority of Americans believe that the U.S. healthcare system is fundamentally flawed?

I don’t know where these surveys are getting their “numbers” or “facts” or whatever you want to call it… but clearly, this survey must have some kind of liberal bias!!!

 

Graph Data Source: Survey by the Commonwealth Fund
Graph Found Via: Bernie Sanders’ homepage

This graph shows that Obamacare has succeeded, so NOBODY LOOK AT IT.

Uninsured Young AmericansThis graph shows that Obamacare has already succeeded. Luckily for good conservatives everywhere, most people do not understand that this is what it means, and the media is just plain clueless.

Obamacare, you see, is not a website. It is not a specific insurance plan. It is not some kind of utopian state of existence in which nobody ever suffers at all.  It is simply a collection of laws.

One of those laws came into effect in 2010, and guaranteed that young people could stay on their parents’ insurance plans until the age of 25. The goal was to reduce the high rate of uninsured individuals in this group, caused primarily by the high rate of unemployment in this age group.

And it worked. It worked completely. It closed the gap, so that now 19 to 25 year-olds are no more likely to be uninsured than older young adults (26 to 24 year olds).

It worked completely… but lucky for conservatives, it worked silently.

There was no fanfare. There was no big announcement. There were no press conferences. The law simply set out to solve a problem… and solved it.

And this law was part of Obamacare.

Obamacare – at least part of it – was a total success. Luckily, nobody noticed. People are convinced that the entire existence of Obamacare hinges on a website and some abstract “future thing” that hasn’t happened yet. And isn’t that just the way we conservatives want it to be?

Plus, the graph is just so tiny. Look at that tiny graph.  It’s really better if you just ignore it completely.

 

graph data source: American Community Survey datagraph found via: Economix Blog

Jesus teams up with Steve Jobs for the greatest hacking stunt of all time

I am convinced that Jesus took the life of former Apple CEO Steve Jobs for one reason and one reason only: Heavenly computer training.

Jesus is a Hacker

With the long declared Biblical prophecy on Obamacare (“Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.” -Luke 17:33) it should be clear to Christians that health care of any kind is an absurdly Satanic idea.

Jesus calls us to “come and die,” not to be plugged into big-government systems that force us to live. As the Hebrew Prophets in the Old Testament often repeat, we serve a “Jealous God” who desperately wants Born Again Christians with Him in our supernatural Heavenly home… not alive here on earth.

So, guided by the mischievous Holy Spirit, Christians around the world have been praying since Obama’s first term that he would be stopped.

And shortly after millions began praying…. Jesus called his son Steve Jobs home!

Jobs, the brilliant visionary of the greatest computer company in the world, has undoubtedly been assisting the legions of Angels to rain the wrath of the Father onto Healthcare.gov.

Recent reports have revealed that the Obamacare website has been attacked at least 16 times by hackers and cyber attacks. The HealthCare.gov site has apparently been the victim of “distributed denial of service” (DDoS) attacks. Who do you think that was?

That’s right: God, Jesus, and Steve Jobs.

And their efforts have been working wonderfully. 40 million Americans were supposedly predicted to benefit from the online program, but less than a few thousand have actually signed up.

Obviously Steve Jobs and Jesus’ angels are busy setting up DDoS attacks, packet sniffers, trojan horses, viruses, worms, and back-door entry codes. Like a winged  cyber-brigade, like supernatural version of the hacker group Anonymous, they are all focusing their omnipotent powers on one and only one thing: the destruction of the miserable anti-Christian health care website HealthCare.gov!

Of course, don’t think Satan isn’t also working his feisty antics: the world watched as House Speaker John Boehner was able to log into the website in a matter of seconds and receive quality affordable healthcare. How embarrassing.

But God is in control, and will reign supreme… with the help of Steve Jobs, of course. We have seen the work of God previously when he destroyed the hedonistic website Myspace. Now, we are seeing a far greater move of God.

The breakdown of the health care website is a clear sign that Christianity is taking over this country once again, that the dreams of our founding fathers will emerge, and that the power of prayer is far greater than any attempt at redistributing wealth to care for the sick and dying.

Keep fighting and: “do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6).

Happy Thanksgiving!

3 amazing facts you would never have guessed about healthcare!

I was listening to Rush Limbaugh talk about Obamacare and contraception yesterday, when suddenly I had an amazing revelation! You will be shocked…

Obamacare makes it easier for women to get contraception, and that will turn them into sluts.

That’s not the revelation. That’s something that Rush Limbaugh has been saying for a long time.

But the details of the argument are important: The reason that contraception will turn women into sluts is that the only thing that is stopping women from having sex with everything that moves is the fear of a negative outcome: pregnancy.

If you remove the negative outcome, well then naturally they will just be humping 24-7.

The revelation is this: we really need to outlaw anything that helps to protect us from negative outcomes.

Fire extinguishers? Why, if you think that you can light things on fire and get away with it, because someone will put it out

Real conservatives, apparently, are against anything that might ever protect anyone from anything. After all, if you know that there is a fire extinguisher around, then that will just make you want to commit arson, right? Because you will know that the fire extinguisher will be there to protect you from the consequences of your bad decision.

Seat belts? They just encourage bad driving. If you know that you might be protected from the negative consequences of bad driving by having a seat belt, that automatically means you will be a worse driver!

So if you are a conservative, you really need to be against all of these things.  Ban them all!

Obamacare encourages promiscuity, and two othe amazing facts I learned from Rush Limbaugh

 

Exclusive interview with Ted Cruz!

If you have been reading this column over the last several weeks, you know that I, as a proud patriot and right-wing warrior, am not as enamored with Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) as most real Americans are. While he seems to have become a conservative hero after being instrumental in the government shutdown, I have yet to be convinced that he is not a Democrat party sleeper cell bent on destroying the Republican party, therefore destroying America. After all, he is a Canadian.

With that in mind, I am the luckiest investigative journalist on God’s 6000 year old Earth. While eating at Chipotle, a distinctly American delicacy, I noticed something shocking about the man making my food. His nametag said: “Ted Cruz – Assistant Manager”!

Ted Cruz, unmasked!My jaw dropped to the floor. In that moment, I realized I had unprecedented access to one of the hottest names in the conservative movement…and a man I want to expose for the socialist atheist Kenyan Muslim he really is!

When I asked him if I could interview him, Cruz looked perplexed. He said that his shift was up in 30 minutes and that I could wait at my table. I ate my meal and proceeded to refill my 44 ounce cup of Mr. Pibb twice thanks to my governor, Jan Brewer, not being a freedom hating nazi like Michael Bloomberg.

Finally, he came to my table and told me I could ask him anything. Before you read any further, I want you to know that Cruz was very forthcoming to me. In fact, his answers are so revealing, I could not believe my ears. I seriously deserve a Pulitzer or something. I have attached the complete, unedited interview below.

LiberalBias: Thank you for agreeing to speak with me, Mr. Cruz.

Ted Cruz: No problem, but can we make this quick? Once Upon a Time in Wonderland is on in an hour.

LiberalBias: I’ll try to keep things brief. I just want to know what you think about some political issues.

Ted Cruz: Uh, sure. I don’t watch the news very often, but I read posts on Facebook and stuff.

LiberalBias: How do you feel about Obamacare?

Ted Cruz: I don’t know very much about it, you know? But I’m glad that I can finally buy health insurance for me and my son. I have asthma so I have never been able to have health insurance before, and I can finally take my eight-year-old to get check-ups.

LiberalBias: Aha! So you don’t hate Obamacare!

Ted Cruz: Well, no. I’m sure there must be something awful about it because a lot of my friends really hate it, but as far as I can tell it seems okay. I just wish the website would work so I could actually enroll, you know?

LiberalBias: But why would you ever want to enroll? It’s socialism!

Ted Cruz: Uh… for the reasons I just said? Hey, are you OK? You seem like you’re sweating a lot.

LiberalBias: Didn’t you spend 21 hours on the Senate floor ranting about how Obamacare is tyranny?

Ted Cruz: Uh… no? I never said that. I think I’m gonna go…

LiberalBias: No, wait! Let me just ask you a few more questions. Who did you vote for in the last election?

Ted Cruz: I voted for Obama. Mitt Romney probably would have been okay, but he seemed a bit out of touch with what hardworking people like me go through just to get by, you know?

LiberalBias: But you’re a Republican!

Ted Cruz: I’m… actually not. Hey…this is a little… awkward. I think I’m going to go now. Hope you got enough for your story. Sorry I can’t help you more.

LiberalBias: I knew you were a traitor! I knew you were trying to destroy America! Just wait until the internet hears about this! Everyone will know! Everyone will know the real you!

 

At this point, the shift leader at Chipotle forced me to leave the premises, realizing that I caught Ted Cruz in his web of lies!

The interview was brief and I did not get to ask him very much, but somehow I was able to make him tell the truth about who he really is. Ted Cruz is not a Republican at all. He loves Obamacare and even voted for Obama!

If you didn’t believe me before, I bet you feel really silly right now.

The government shutdown IS a jobs plan, and this graph is proof!

If you have been cheating on LiberalBias this week with lesser news outlets, you will have noticed that nobody in the liberal media has been reporting on the important issues.

For example, every news outlet has completely ignored the fact that the healthcare.gov website has experienced glitches! Not only that, but there has not been a single report about how Barack Hussein Obama lied about people being able to keep their insurance plans.

He is forcing me to get a new insurance plan that covers emergency services and mental health. Why? Do I seem like I have mental problems? G-Men are following me! They’re afraid I can tear down their institutions through my fearless reporting!

People shouldn’t have “emergency services”, anyway. When I was 11 and I had a gnarly injury during a Little League game, an ambulance had to come and take me to the hospital. My insurance did not cover ambulance rides, and my parents were billed $2000. Under Obamacare, ambulance services would have to be covered… which really just makes it less special.

How dare the government make ambulances affordable for a blue-collar family like mine! I loved being in that ambulance because I knew it was expensive. Now anybody can ride in one. What’s next? Kids can smoke vodka and take doobies? Welcome to Obama’s America, people.

With the liberal machine exerting its iron-gripped control over the media, I can guarantee you that it will not ignore is October’s job numbers.

Last Friday, the White House released the October jobs report, revealing that the U.S. Economy added 204,000 jobs during the month. How can that be? Didn’t the Obama administration and economists warn that the “government shutdown” would hurt hirings and cause private enterprise billions, even though the only things that got shut down were veterans memorials and the socialist redistribution of wealth to kids with cancer?

Yet somehow, that resulted in 850,000 government employees being furloughed, which begs the question: Why do all these people work for the government instead of in real jobs that we’re allowing low-skilled illegal immigrants to work for under minimum wage? These are good jobs that hardworking Americans would be lucky to have!

I think the government shutdown was a wonderful thing. I think the government should always be shut down, as do all real conservatives. But in this case, the Democrat Party was also not trying to re-open the government, because they refused to go along with the Republican Party’s demands to defund Obamacare.

So why would a liberal communist atheist Muslim like Obama agree with me?

The answer, my friends, is in the October jobs report.

Remember these basic axioms of Conservative Truth:

1) Reducing the government will lead to job growth

2) Therefore, shutting down the government should lead to extra-super-job-growth-times-infinity

3) Obama secretly knows this, but will never admit it.

Therefore,

4) Obama allowed the government to shut down temporarily as part of his secret plan to boost jobs and make it seem as though all of his other ridiculous policies, like Obamacare, are not a complete and utter failure.

Do you still need proof that the government shutdown was all part of a deliberate plot by Obama to boost the economy based on conservative principles?  Just look at this  graph:

The government shutdown created jobs and this is proof!!

Now, just imagine what wonderful things would happen if he just went along with all of the other conservative principles, like creating a regressive tax code, defunding Medicare and Social Security, and banning gay marriage at the federal level!

It would be a true New Utopia, making China look like a banana republic and the United States look like…. well, Banana Republic!

 

Polls with more than 2 answers have liberal bias!

Obamacare Polling Data

Everyone knows that there is only one proper way to word a polling question about Obamacare: do you think it is perfect in every way, or do you hate it?

So the CNN / ORC poll questions, results shown above, are clearly improper and are filled with liberal bias.

Why? Because this poll allowed people to give three possible answers. Instead of simply asking “Approve” or “Disapprove”, it allowed the people who disapprove to rate it as either “Too Liberal” or “Not Liberal Enough”.

This kind of verbal gymnastics is way too complicated for good, normal Americans to deal with. Why?

Because when it was phrased this way, it makes it seem as though…. well…. somehow, it seems as though Americans are overwhelmingly liberal!

Look at the graph. When you combine the people who approve of Obamacare with the people who disapprove because they think it is not liberal enough, it adds up to about half of all Americans! On the other hand, only about 39% think that Obamacare is too liberal.

WTFBBQ, America?

This is not an acceptable result.

 

We are much happier with a poll that simply combines all of the “Oppose” answers together, because that gives the impression that only 38% if Americans “approve” of Obamacare …. and, you know, we can just let people assume that everyone who doesn’t “approve” of Obamacare must agree with the Tea Party.

After all, that’s the strategy used by the New York Times and others: ask “approve” or “disapprove”, and let the pundits decide what “disapprove” means.

Actually allowing polls to have more than two answers… well, that just leads to liberal bias!!

 

[Hat Tip to Jeff from Bray New World for the the story and polling links.]

New Dog, Old Tricks: Ted Cruz invokes classic “unskewing” argument that worked so well in the 2012 elections

Support after the shutdown

Well, if nothing else, Republicans are at least consistent. Moreover, Ted Cruz is clearly a brave, brave man. He is a brave man to unflinchingly use a strategy that brought utter and complete shame to the Republican Party less than two years ago.

In case you missed it, the above graph shows the public opinion poll results that illustrate how people have been feeling since this whole government shut-down thing began. Clearly the graph must have some kind of liberal bias, since it shows that apparently Obama and the Democrats have not been harmed by the shut-down, whereas the Tea Party and John Boehner are currently slightly less popular than radioactive dog feces.

But Ted Cruz made even the most die-hard Republicans squirm slightly with discomfort when he trotted out his explanation of exactly how this graph was biased.

“I’ll note that that poll was very heavily weighted with an awful lot of Democrats with an awful lot of Obama supporters,” said Ted Cruz, citing the fact that 43 percent of the respondents leaned Democrat while only 32 percent of them leaned Republican.  NBC noted, of course, that this perfectly reflects composition of the country at the moment, where the number of people across the entire nation that claims that they lean Democratic also outnumber the number of people who claim that they lean Republican.

But according to Ted Cruz, this represents a gross and unfair problem with the poll.

The most awkward thing about this claim is that it is simply trotting out the exact same logic that every single Republican pollster used in 2012 to predict a glorious Mitt Romney landslide. That was the point in history when the famous meme “unskewed polls” first came about: the GOP logic that in order to get a “fair” sample you had to always poll exactly the same number of Republicans and Democrats, regardless of how many people actually belong to each party.

Well, that “Mitt Romney landslide” never happened, and the election was followed by several months of relentless mocking of conservative news media for their “unskewing” tactics that universally and without exception got everything completely and utterly wrong.

So I guess that just means this: Hats off to you, Ted Cruz. You’ve got some balls. Only a man so blinded by the shining Godly light of ideology would dare to trot out that old “trick” to explain poll results.  Bravo, sir.

Obamacare will completely destroy marriage… probably

Obamacare will destroy marriage

First, you were told that gay marriage would completely destroy marriage. Well, that didn’t work out. But now there is a new prediction: OBAMACARE will destroy marriage!!!

And we’re pretty sure it’s  right, this time! Probably.

The source of this prediction is the Heritage Foundation. It has a new report out, which explains that Obamacare penalizes married couples financially and therefore will end the world as we know it.

The Heritage Foundation is a well-respected research institute that has a long history of getting things right.

Therefore, in the interest of civility, we will overlook some of the more obvious and glaring problems with their argument, like the fact that married couples actually can choose to file separate returns if they want to, and the fact that the so-called “marriage penalty” in taxes has already been around for a very long time and has nothing to do with Obamacare.

Don’t pay attention to that.

Instead, the important point to focus on is that this is part of a LARGER CONSPIRACY by liberals to completely destroy America.  The liberal plan goes like this:

1) Make normal, heterosexual people not even want to get married by allowing gay people to marry. This will dramatically reduce population growth, because of all of the straight people who refuse to marry and have sex as a protest against gay marriage.

2) Make normal, heterosexual people want to get married even less by making people who file jointly less likely to qualify for Obamacare subsidies. This will dramatically reduce population growth, because straight people will say “I can’t get married and have kids if filing my taxes jointly will mean that I’m less likely to get subsidies for Obamacare!” That makes total sense.

3) Heterosexual marriage will then cease to exist, which means reproduction will completely stop and the entire United States will die off within 1 generation.

4) Liberals celebrate victory, and eat cake.

 

Consider yourselves warned.

If we don’t repeal Obamacare now, it will mean AN END TO MARRIAGE.

Even though married people get medical visitation rights, can make medical decisions for each other, can give tax-free gifts to their spouses, can receive benefits for their spouse, get discounted rates on automobile, health and homeowner’s insurance, get immigration residency benefits, have inheritance rights absent a will, get inheritance without incurring estate tax, get visitation rights in jail, can get “family loans”, and have the convenience of filling out a single return, and over 1000 other federal benefits that married people have that single people do not….. OBAMACARE will completely still stop people from ever getting married again.

Ever.

Rachel Maddow’s “I’m Just a Bill” song, Tea-Party version!

Liberal Bias and The Lipstick Liberal Show collaborated to bring you this video: Rachel Maddow sings the updated version of the “I’m Just A Bill” song… Tea-Party style!

 

 

Make sure to watch the video, and “like” it if you find it worthy! Also follow the WinkProgress Youtube Channel for more collaborative videos like this one!

Video direct link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGr7aGMkjQU

 

Rachel Maddow: I'm just a bill

America is Doomed: We have literally tried everything!

Good conservatives have always known that electing Barack Obama, the first African (American?) President, in 2008 was a mistake. We just knew it instinctively.  Ever since then, our mission has been to convince everyone else.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t been going that well.

First, we tried with Donald Trump’s demands of providing a valid birth certificate. This should have proved that Obama was not only anti-American, but also (most likely) the antichrist as described in the Left Behind books. We tried to catch him up in this trap, but the liberal media somehow clouded the truth.

So we tried to point out his blatant Muslim-extremist behavior. Why else would he bless the Muslims participating in Ramadan unless he were, in fact, a Muslim himself? But then what happens? Those liberal tools claim he’s actually a Christian. How blatantly absurd can they be? But the American masses believe it, further burying the truth.

Of course then came Obama’s healthcare proposal. It couldn’t have been any more obvious at that point that America was headed directly toward destruction. I remember back when my parents’ parents’ parents had to go out and earn their own privatized healthcare plan. Now this socialist dictator wants to force such health benefits onto all of the poor who can’t afford it. What other evidence is needed to suggest his hidden Communist agenda? We pointed this out using the non-biased Fox News. Did it work? No! America is still under the liberal media’s spell.

On top of this, there were some things that should speak for themselves! He was once spotted reading a book about a post-American world. He failed to uphold American standards by not rushing into an irrational war against Syria. (Diplomatic negotiation is for limp-wrist liberals.) The list goes on and on.

Finally, in desperation, we tried to point out that Obama wants to give every American an abortion and a gay marriage, while, simultaneously, taking away all of their guns. He wants to disarm all of the nation’s citizens so a militia can’t be used against him when he tries to make all of us into Muslims and take control of the White House until the year 3056.

Somehow, the message still didn’t sink in with the American people.

And now, our “so-called” President has, single-handedly, shut down the entire government. Who knows for how long.

What will it take to get the American people to realize how bad this guy is?

Here in America we maintain a very impressive legacy of electing only wealthy, white males as president; it takes a real manly man, who is strongly rooted in Capitalist tradition and constitutional-living, to maintain order. How can we get the American people to realize that we can’t break with tradition?

We’ve already called him an illegal alien, Muslim, Kenyan, foreign, communist, socialist, Muslim, radical, extremist, gay, anti-gun, pro-abortion, Muslim, oh and BY THE WAY MUSLIM….. what could possibly be left?

We have tried everything

…no, seriously: What’s left?