These Bible quotes prove God supports the XL Pipeline

Keystone XL Pipeline Holy Oil

Today’s letter is about the Keystone XL pipeline, and the environment.

What does God think about the Keystone Pipeline bill? All 45 Republicans voted for it, but those pesky Democrats seem to think we should be more careful about the things we do that might harm God’s green earth. Does God want the pipeline, or not?

Linda

Linda,

Many people don’t know this, but Bible specifically addresses oil, and if you understand scripture as  completely as I do you know that God fully supports the Keystone Pipeline! Here are a few verses to illuminate my point:

 

James 5:14 – Are any sick among you? Pray over him, anointing him with OIL in the name of the Lord.

Exodus 30:31-33 – And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, This shall be a HOLY OIL unto me throughout your generations.

Psalms 92:10 – But my horn shalt thou exalt like [the horn of] a unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh OIL.

 

It’s right there, in the Bible. God-fearing Christians, by which I mean REAL Republicans, must support the Keystone Pipeline!

Liberals, of course, disagree. But as good God-fearing Republicans, we need to stick to our guns: the Bible is God’s unquestionable word, and God’s word is without error, it’s perfectly logical. The Bible’s logic is unlike human logic, it doesn’t work with traditional logical formulations, rather the Bible is God’s holy logic that we finite beings will never fully understand; that’s why we Christians are so humble, because we never truly will know everything – we’ll just come really really really close.

Now, some liberals will try to confuse you by pointing to passages in the Bible that seem to be against doing things that could potentially harm our environment, such as:

 

Psalms 104: 25-30 – There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number— living things both large and small. There the ships go to and fro, and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there. These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things. When you hide your face, they are terrified; when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust. When you send your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth.

Leviticus 25:23-24 – The land must not be sold permanently, because the land is mine and you are but aliens and my tenants. Throughout the country that you hold as a possession, you must provide for the redemption of the land.

Jeremiah 2:7 – I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce. But you came and defiled my land and made my inheritance detestable.

Isaiah 24:4-6 – The earth dries up and withers, the world languishes and withers, the exalted of the earth languish. The earth is defiled by its people; they have disobeyed the laws, violated the statutes and broken the everlasting covenant. Therefore a curse consumes the earth; its people must bear their guilt. Therefore earth’s inhabitants are burned up, and very few are left.

Revelation 11:18 – The nations were angry; and your wrath has come. The time has come for judging the dead, and for rewarding your servants the prophets and your saints and those who reverence your name, both small and great — and for destroying those who destroy the earth.

 

“Don’t these Biblical passages mean that God wants us to care for the earth?” liberals will ask.

No. Not, they don’t. That’s stupid.

The reality is, if the earth dies, and rivers get polluted, and life dies out… it’s just what God wants. Like Florida Rep. Jeff Miller did, “Our climate will continue to change because of the way God formed the earth.” And as Florida Sen. Marco Rubio said, “The government can’t change the weather” either!

Consider Isaiah 40:8: “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” Maybe God wants the grass to wither and the flowers to all die out! Ever thought of that?

So the environmentalists have it all wrong. God wants us to keep fighting to build that pipe!

“Let justice roll down like [OIL] and righteousness like an endless river.” -Amos 5:24

Pastor Gregory

John D. Rockefeller had a liberal bias!

John D. Rockefeller was a liberal!

John Davison Rockefeller: oil tycoon, founder of Standard Oil, multi-bazillionaire. In his lifetime, accused of espionage, price wars, heavy-handed marketing tactics, and courtroom evasions. How could conservatives not admire the man! He is clearly a man after our own conservative, tea-party, regulation-free, oil-loving, big-business hearts!

Yet, with the usual amount of LIBERAL BIAS you see in history books so-called “educational fact-based” things, what you read about the man does not seem totally conservative by today’s standards.

He gave millions of dollars to universities and colleges, even though today’s conservatives know that schools are liberal indoctrination camps designed to turn our children into atheists and homosexuals.

He gave millions to helping medical research and the medical field, even though today’s conservatives know that medicine is a hoax and all you need to heal people is prayer to Jesus.

And now, just yesterday, to add further insult to his name, Stephen Heintz, president of Rockefeller Brothers Fund, is participating in a pro-environmental movement by divesting the Rockefeller money from oil, coal and gas! Heintz says, “We are quite convinced that if [John D. Rockefeller] were alive today, as an astute businessman looking out to the future, he would be moving out of fossil fuels and investing in clean, renewable energy.”

That’s about the least conservative thing I’ve ever heard!!

So what are we to make of all of these historical “facts” about Rockefeller?

Personally, I’m tempted to simply blame the historical facts for being inaccurate. This man was rich, he owned a monopoly, he loved business and oil… obviously he was a conservative, and therefore he must agree with every opinion of today’s conservative movement!

Much like we did with Ronald Reagan, who was against nuclear bombs and loved raising taxes, we will have to go back and forcefully re-write the history of Rockefeller to make sure his true, deep-down conservative nature is honored.

I mean, if we didn’t…. it would just give people the horrifying idea that John D. Rockefeller was somehow, in some minor way, a liberal!!!

 

[* Historical note: We have added the “I love taxes” speech bubble to the image of Rockefeller, above, as a way to illustrate his icky evil liberalness.  SHUDDER.  In reality, of course, he was around before income taxes, which is part of the reason he was able to amass such ginormous amounts of money while most other people were dirt poor.]

This car has a liberal bias!

This car is a liberal.

This car is a liberal.

This car represents a success of government financial assistance, which is ridiculous because all conservatives know that government can never help anything. Therefore, this car doesn’t exist. Or something.

Let’s consider some background. During the 2012 Presidential Debates, Mitt Romney said this to President Obama about government subsidies for green energy: “You put $90 billion — like 50 years’ worth of breaks — into solar and wind, to Solyndra and Fisker and Tesla and Ener1. I mean, I had a friend who said, you don’t just pick the winners and losers; you pick the losers.”

It was very easy for Romney to identify Tesla as a “loser” in October 2012. At that time, it was obvious that Tesla’s entire game-plan of building “electric cars” was ridiculous and a waste of time. Moreover, green energy is a waste of time. To give money to companies that are already successful, like Shell Oil, makes sense; but to give money to companies that might fail, like Tesla, is throwing money away on losers. And socialism. It never works. Period.

But then, some weird stuff happened.

In November of 2012, Tesla’s Model S won Motor Trend’s Car of the Year.

In March of 2013, Tesla announced that they were making enough money to pay back their Department of Energy loan 5 years earlier than expected.

And in the April of 2013, Tesla announces that it expects its first profitable quarter.

It’s almost as if…. (now brace yourself)…. the financial assistance from the government actually helped an American industry to develop to the point where it could succeed on its own!

 

HEY TESLA!

HOW DARE YOU CONTRADICT MITT ROMNEY, AND GOOD CONSERVATIVE COMMON SENSE?

 

Government financial assistance NEVER helps anything! Green energy NEVER succeeds!  What is going on here?

 

It’s pretty clear that this must all be the result of some kind of deep conspiracy, and liberal bias.  There is only one unavoidable conclusion:

The Tesla Model-S…. is a liberal!

We have added the appropriate speech bubble to the above photo to illustrate this fact.