How to convince your libtard friends that global warming is a hoax

Today’s letter is about global warming, also known as global climate change, and how to convince your atheistic liberal friends that it’s all a hoax.

Dear Pastor Gregory,
The other day when I was scrapbooking with my girlfriends, and they all teamed up against me when I tried to explain that global warming is a hoax. They asked me how I knew it was a hoax… and it was so awkward when I couldn’t explain. I know it’s True because that’s what my Pastor told me, but how can I explain it to other people?


You’ve got it right, Colleen: Global Warming is a hoax.

More importantly: it’s a hoax made up by the government to undermine Christianity. Now, I know that pot-worshiping libertarian Paul Ryan says Global Warming is “an excuse to grow government, raise taxes and slow down economic growth.” But that’s not the real reason Obama is pushing the global warming lie on the world.

The real motivation behind the Global Warming hoax is the destruction of traditional, deeply-held Christian beliefs. You see, if you are a  good Christian you know only God can change the weather. But if those liberals get you thinking that humans can cause Global Warming, then they have you doubting the supremacy of God.

This isn’t the first time the government has tried to use “science” to cast doubt on serious Christian beliefs, either.

Moon Landing "Teach The Controversy" TextbookBack when I was a young pastor they tried convincing us we landed on the moon! Luckily my religious textbook was able to TEACH THE CONTROVERSY and show me how false the moon landing really was. Our free-loving yet god-hating government spent billions of taxpayer dollars to stage the moon landing.

“Why oh why would they do all of this?” I hear you asking. Because they hate Christianity.

You see, if people think that we can land on the moon, then they might start thinking that heaven isn’t above the sky, like the Bible says. And if heaven isn’t above the sky, then they might think maybe heaven doesn’t exist at all! So the moon landing was part of a plot to get American citizens to stop believing in Biblical heaven.

God BlowsLuckily, God was too tricky for those big government liberals. You see, when they filmed the fake moon landing in the top secret big government liberal research bases in the Arizona desert, they overlooked the fact that GOD BLEW WIND ON THE FLAG during their photo shoot thus disproving the entire thing.

The liberal viewpoint always completely collapses, when you look at the details. So this is how you can explain it to your friends. When they say “how do you know that global warming is a hoax?” then you just say:

“God controls the weather so nobody can rain on His parade! If you don’t believe me, just go research FAKE MOON LANDING and you will be convinced!”

Now go forth, and spread the Good News.

Pastor Gregory