In fact, a small restaurant in Tennessee, Billy’s Diner, decided to take this idea one step further.
“Yeah, we realized that we could drop the price of our cheeseburger down to just fifteen cents, if we count all of our overhead and secondary expenses as fees instead,” explains Bil, founder and owner of Billy’s Diner.
As usual, liberal patrons were outraged by this move. One took a photo of his receipt for a cheeseburger with his phone, and it has gone viral circulating the internet:
“I feel so cheated!” the anonymous liberal patron whined, “I was told the cheeseburger was fifteen cents, and I ended up paying over ten dollars!”
Clearly, he doesn’t understand capitalism.
“See in a way the way we have our receipt is more honest,” explains Bil. “We show people exactly what they are paying for. Cheeseburgers really aren’t that expensive, you know. There are all these other factors.”
When we asked Bil why the receipt did not show a “business owner’s salary” fee, he said “This interview is over!” and walked away.
As you probably know, the Republicans had three response speeches to President Obama’s State of the Union Address: the Official Republican Response by Cathy McMorris Rodgers, the Tea Party Response by Mike Lee, and the Libertarian-ish Response by Rand Paul.
What you might not realize is that there was another conservative response, as well: the Republican Jesus Response, by Republican Jesus. In case you missed it, I will transcribe it for you here:
A chilling black wave of deceptive lies hovered over President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address, as he fumbled through his liberally bias anti-rich-white-guy utopian vision. Channeling his former campaign tactics of left-wing buzz-words, Obama once again threw matchsticks at Godzilla, never addressing issues that I, Jesus, really care about: abortion, creationism, and abortion.
Amidst his theatrical parade, Obama unsurprisingly managed to bring up three of the issues that go the most against everything that I, Jesus, ever stood for:
Do you not remember that one time in the Bible when I said “poor will always be with us?” I never once mentioned paying the lazy bastards $10 an hour for their lack of education and wretched lives. In fact, I never said anything about helping poor people, ever!
I don’t care about poor people. I care about hardcore supply-side economic theory. And let’s be honest, putting more money into the hands of low-life high-school drop outs doesn’t increase economic growth, it only increases the price I have to pay for my McDonalds french-fries. Why does Obama want to make me, Jesus, pay more for french-fries?
This miserable excuse of a President then went on to discuss the rapid increasing temperatures of the climate and how he “believe(s) in the overwhelming judgment of science” and wants to act before it’s too late. First of all, nobody is supposed to believe in science. You’re supposed to believe in me.
Plus, does this dude even watch the local news? With all of my might and influence, being God and all, I made it -45 in Chicago this week and a lady in Atlanta literally gave birth to a child in her car because heavy snow had completely halted highway traffic. I’m literally putting thousands of lives in danger just to prove to you that global warming is a hoax. Because it totally makes sense that I would do that.
The never ending health care debacle also continued as Obama tried tugging at our hearts strings with real life examples of how the Affordable Care Act “saved lives.”As if I care about saving lives. I care about conservative economic theory. Anybody who has read the Bible knows that.
If we don’t keep fighting back on this miserable waste of money, hospitals will be no more. We’ll only have hippie communes where baskets of newborn puppies are handed to sick patients to give them a false sense of comfort, all the while nurses in glowing white robes will treat patients with new-age crystals and Reiki healing. Is that what you want? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
Mucking through the sulfuric swamp that made up Obama’s lofty State of the Union address, has brought me, Jesus, to the conclusion that Republicans have been hammering into people since day one: President Obama is Americans worst nightmare. We don’t need to wait for “global warming” to destroy the world, we’ve got Barack Hussein Obama for that!
Remember, you heard it directly from me, Republican Jesus.
But although conservatives might claimthat they would not be in favor of this practice, their economic arguments here at home in the United States show otherwise.
In November 2013, Doug Altner wrote an editorial for Forbes in which he explains why Walmart is awesome, and Walmart is not taking advantage of anyone, and Walmart is doing people a favor because hey getting minimum wage is better than nothing, and Walmart can’t be blamed for anything because its employees could just choose to work someplace else.
As a conservative website, we at LiberalBias.com of course agree with all of those things. However, we also like to make sure that would-be conservatives don’t wuss-out when it comes to applying conservative philosophy across the board.
The fact is: the exact same arguments applied to Walmart also apply to paying homeless people tiny amounts of money to clean up dangerous nuclear waste!
Here are some direct quotes from the Forbes editorial, in which we have simply replaced “work at Walmart” with “clean-up of Fukushima nuclear waste”, and other similar phrases mutatis mutandis.
[On why nobody is being taken advantage of:] “Nobody has to clean-up of Fukushima nuclear waste if he feels underpaid and underappreciated. He can always seek another job!”
[On why they pay almost nothing:] “These positions require little or no work experience or technical skills. For any homeless person with modest credentials, these jobs provide good work experience – experience they can use to eventually land a higher paying job!”
[On why the homeless people should be really happy:] “The relationship that the Fukushima nuclear waste clean-up program has with homeless people is win-win! Every wage that it pays is one that the homeless person accepts.”
There you have it.
If you are a real conservative, you need to be applauding Japan for this move. Or rather, you need to be applauding Japanese organized crime, who seem to be the ones behind it. But that doesn’t matter. The fact is: ideologically, this is the right, conservative thing to do.
Anyone who thinks otherwise… it just guilty of liberal bias!!!
This graph supposedly shows that increasing minimum wage doesn’t, on average, lead to people losing their jobs. Luckily, most good conservatives don’t trust fancy voodoo statistics like these.
Of course economists have been studying the relationship between minimum wage and employment for a very long time. Recently, economist John Schmitt pulled together a “meta-analysis” where he collected data from a huge number of different studies, and was very careful to use only the best data and make the most careful comparisons, in order to measure the actual impact of minimum wage increases specifically on young employees across the country.
Although some studies shows a small positive influence on employment and some studies showed a small negative influence, the overall result was a very dramatic NO EFFECT. Specifically, it appears that increases in minimum wage do not actually have a measurable impact on the level of employment.
In other words, when minimum wage increases, this study suggests that, on average, people do not get fired: they simply get paid more.
THIS IS WHY CONSERVATIVES KNOW NOT TO TRUST DATA!!
This result is in obvious contradiction to conservative values, which state very clearly that increasing minimum wage destroys all business and leads to socialism.
In fact, John Boehner himself recently said, “When you raise the price of employment, guess what happens? You get less of it!”
And who needs to consult loads and loads of actual measurable data, when you can just listen to John Boehner instead?
Clearly, studies and graphs like this are just sources of liberal bias!!!
NOTE: This graph was featured on the Rachel Maddow show in November 2013, nine months after we published it here. We would like to thank Rachel Maddow for finally catching up to the excellent reporting here at Liberal Bias.